


Needle

by theoatking



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW Comics), Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Altered Mental States, Amnesia, Angst, Basically eggman uses sonics amnesia to his advantage and they do crimes, Big canon divergence over how chaos control works dont @ me, Blood, CW for self harm and general mental crisis stuff, Canon Divergence, Dark sonic from sonic x is not canon in this so this is the first time they’ve encountered it, Dissociation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Major Character Injury, Manipulation, Mental Breakdown, Violence, and sonic doesn’t cope well
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:01:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 60,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26543329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theoatking/pseuds/theoatking
Summary: How well can someone really cope when they’re pushed beyond all limits of rationality and reason, whilst trying to piece together a past that was forged in lies?The hero who's been missing for days finally returns to earth with no memory of who he is. Doctor Eggman is tired of losing, and knows this is his only chance to finally taste that sweet victory. Perhaps he can used this to his advantage, like how Sonic kept him a spineless goody-goody known as Mr Tinker for so long? This is simply what he's owed.Or maybe he bit off more than he could chew.ON HIATUS WILL BE BACK FOR SURE I PROMISE !!!
Relationships: Tangle the Lemur/Whisper the Wolf
Comments: 35
Kudos: 39





	1. The Seed

A blast of fire shot down to earth fast. Faster than anything. Faster than the speed of-

_Oh no. This again._

Eggman looked down at the hedgehog who had landed barely a few centimeters away, narrowly avoiding singeing the hairs on his well kept moustache. He sighed resentfully and rolled his eyes.

“Impeccable timing, as usual.”

Sonic didn’t respond, he looked oddly vacant, but curious as he dusted himself off, and patted the remaining flecks of fire with his shoes. Then he glared at he Doctor for an uncomfortable amount of time, and smiled.

“Really, that’s it? Nothing? You vanish for two days after saving the world and you’re just going to stare at me like...that?” He gestured to the creature, who was studying him intensely. Something felt incredibly off.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t the slightest clue what you’re on about” he replied, observing the badniks surrounding Eggman’s empty mechsuit, freshly prepped for battle.

“I’m sorry?” Eggman questioned, getting closer to the hedgehog, assessing him for any injuries that could explain this weird behavior. The metal virus? Did he really get rid of it? Had it evolved? No. That was impossible.

“Is this some kind of joke to throw me off?” Eggman demanded, suddenly hitting Sonic to the ground. In his normal state, Sonic could’ve easily avoided that.  
“Excuse me?” He gasped, trying to collect himself, “I didn’t mean to get in your way!” He smiled, not his usual smile. There was smugness to it rather than cockiness. Eggman didn’t know which was more irritating.

Sonic clearly was not in his right mind, his words alone could be simply a trick, but his strange demeanor was telling.  
Perhaps this was a good thing. He could use it. When he’d developed amnesia himself after the war, Sonic hadn’t hesitated to use it to his disgusting heroic advantage, utterly humiliating him and putting his plans on hold, so why should this be any different? It was what was owed to him, after all.

Eggman cleared his throat, putting on an overly compassionate tone “I’m incredibly sorry! I must have mistaken you for someone else!” He said. Sonic shrugged.  
“It’s alright, I met Blaze from the Sol Dimension also who mistook me for someone. Perhaps I have ‘one of those faces.’”  
Eggman frowned. So that explained the sudden fiery landing. “And what did she say?” He asked.  
“Well, she tried to jog my memory with her magnificent emerald wielding powers- but nothing worked, so she send me back hoping that might help, being surrounded by familiar faces.”  
Eggman considered this for a second, but it was definitely legit. Sonic never had this tone or these mannerisms or was this....naïve.  
“Might I ask you name?” Eggman asked again, starting to formulate yet another amazing, world altering scheme.  
Sonic looked up at the cloudy night sky, clearly thinking really hard.  
“That’s the issue” he replied “I really can’t remember. It’s odd.”  
Eggman frowned, hesitantly, he patted Sonic on the back, an attempt at comfort, but it was just awkward and uncomfortable, made worse when the hedgehog practically jumped out of his fur.

“I’m so sorry!” Eggman gasped, Sonic rubbed his head in panicked confusion.  
“No, it’s okay. This keeps happening. Every time someone touches me it’s as if....I have a fight of flight reaction. I can’t explain it” he started to look worried, despite generally seeming mostly unbothered by the whole scenario. Existentialism leaking out of the cracks of his smug new front.

Eggman pondered this. Then he had an idea.  
“I think I have some answers” he lied, Sonic looked up at the mustached fiend, hope glistening in his lost green eyes.  
“Really?”  
“Yes. But first, what would you like me to call you?”  
Sonic thought for a moment “We’ll, I have a vague memory of a girl calling me Mr.Needlemouse, but that’s rather a mouthful!”  
“No, it’s catchy! You can call me,” Eggman stopped for a moment, not wanting to trigger any memories to come flooding back “Ivo. Come along, Needle” he grinned, turning and leading the way to his base, a menacing look in his eyes where Sonic, or Needle, couldn’t see.

* * *

Needle looked around in awe. So many machines beyond his basic understanding beeped and booped in every corner. Two strange looking ones rushed around after Ivo, obeying his every command. They eyed him anxiously, making him feel guilty. Why were they scared of him? He hoped whoever he was, he wasn’t a villain. Maybe this could be his opportunity to change. A new slate. A rebirth.

Ivo lead Needle into a crammed storage room with a few pillows and blankets bunched together to vaguely resemble a bed.  
“You can stay here with me as long as you need” Ivo grinned. Needle smiled back.  
“Thank you, I appreciate it greatly” he entered the room, looking mostly at the crowded floor. Not exactly the most cosy of places, but it’d have to do. Plus Ivo knew something about his past, he needed answers.

He turned to where Ivo towered over the tiny doorway.  
“Mr Ivo, you told me you had some information about who I was-am? Could I possibly trouble you for some answers?”  
Ivo squirmed at Needle’s expression. So nive and lost. Like a puppy. He hated it. Something in his gut even made him question his motives. He’d never cared for morality, that much was clear, but seeing this kid who clearly needed some professional help relying on him all of a sudden was eerie.  
But what about his plans? And was he not a professional? Was he not literally a Doctor? He could finally achieve something. He’d only really won in times when Sonic was out of the game, and then the moment he stepped back in his ass had been kicked once more. If he got Sonic on his side, think of what he could accomplish. This was justified. He owed it to himself. He deserved a victory.

“Yes. We’ll get to that. It just might be a lot to take in and I don’t want to overwhelm you” he eventually said. But Needle just looked frustrated.  
“Please! Just tell me something!”  
Eggman huffed, trusting himself to come up with something good on the spot. He sat down on the floor cross legged, gesturing Needle to sit on the ‘bed’ opposite.

“Are you sure you want to know right now?” He asked wistfully. Needle gave a confirming nod as he held himself close. Ivo noted the body language. Anxious, protective.  
Eggman sighed deeply, preparing his character: The despairing parental figure destroyed by grief.

“You were....cast out” he said eventually, faking remorse with shake of his head. “I couldn’t save you. I tried, I really did, but there were so many of them!”  
Needle had his full attention “Who? What did they do? Why did they-“  
“Listen! Please. I need time to phrase this lightly. It could be traumatic for you to hear!”  
Needle sat back, hugging his knees in for comfort.

“You’re powerful, you have extraordinary gifts. You can run faster than the speed of sound, you are the only person capable of harnessing the power of the chaos emeralds,”  
Needle opened his mouth, then stopped himself interrupting with yet more questions.  
Wait.

“They were jealous of you. They saw you as threat, although you never were. You only wanted to help them, but they not only feared your power, they wanted it. They captured you and hurt you, trying to find ways to take it. I don’t know what they did, but now, look at you! You can’t even remember who you are, so it must have been bad.” He continued, adding cracks to his voice, restrained sobs. All part of the ol’ razzle dazzle!

Needle sighed. So everybody hated him. Great.

“Then when they realised they couldn’t take it, they cast you away. Banished you to another dimension. Luckily you’ve found your way back, and we can finally get justice delivered for their terrible crimes!” Ivo growled. His anger rising.  
“They...hurt me?” Needle looked up, trying to keep himself together “is that why....I’m scared of touch?”  
Ivo frowned “Possibly. I really tried to save you! I searched everywhere! You’re...you’re...my boy” okay, not quite what he’d had in mind, but he’d said it now.  
“You’re my father?” Needle gasped.

Oh, he’d really dug himself a hole now, Eggman realised.

“Well, sort of. You’re my apprentice. I took you under my metaphorical wing as a child. You are in ways, like a....” oh man, oh gee, he was gonna have to say it, how was he living in this timeline?  
“...son” he uttered painfully through gritted teeth.

* * *

The next morning, Needle walked into the main control room of the base where Ivo was already busy at work. He wrote long sums on a board, things way beyond Needle’s understanding. The two little robots dashed about after him as the man hurled nasty remarks at them over nothing.  
Needle felt uneasy seeing this. Maybe Ivo was stressed? Maybe he shouldn’t judge so harshly when he didn’t even know the whole story. Ivo had clearly been through a lot, and he should be grateful to have someone so kind and clever caring for him.

He watched in the doorway unnoticed for several minutes, until the yellow square robot turned and near busted a wire.

“OH! Hey So-Needle!” it laughed anxiously.  
Needle smiled snarkily, waving his hand as if swatting a fly.  
“You don’t like me? I can tell!”  
The robot looked panicked “No! No!” it turned to the other circular robot “Did I say something wrong?” the red one shrugged in response.  
“I don’t think there’s any right way to say things anymore” it replied, giving in.  
Needle chuckled a little “I can still here you,”  
The two robots gasped and made panicked eye contact for a second, until the red one eventually said “we just hope you feel better soon, is all. We were just- worried?”  
Was that a question? Needle smirked, as they dashed behind him, off to obey another of Ivo’s demands no doubt. He shrugged, and swaggered over to were Ivo was writing out something on a workbench.

“Ignore Orbot and Cubot. They’re idiots”  
Needle’s eyes widened at the abrasiveness. He’d seemed much calmer yesterday.  
“Oh, I don’t think they’re stupid. They’re rather amazing, actually.”  
Ivo said nothing, but grunted, continuing to work on his plan.  
“I trust you slept well?”  
Needle bit his lip, “Not really. I had strange dreams...”  
Ivo signalled him to take a seat beside him, which Needle did, resting his elbows on the table and slouching. “It’s nothing. I just keep dreaming of falling, and then something super cold that takes my whole body, and then a blaze of golden energy, and then...nothing” he shuddered reliving the feeling. They were so vivid and ominous.  
Ivo hummed in thought, continuing to assess his comically large sheet of paper.

“Go it!” He cried. Needle jumped. Was this man a dream expert too?  
“First we’ll go for the BIG GUNS! Bam! Central city” he pointed to the center of the paper, which Needle now realised resembled a map. Clearly no dream expert then.  
“And then, following that, Spiral Hill. They’ll never suspect it. Going from big city to small town? We’ll exterminate them easily! And after that-“  
“What are you talking about?” Needle interrupted. Ivo hooted with manic laughter for a second, which gradually toned down into a subtle chuckle.

Okay so his father figure was a weirdo. He could work with that.

“This is it, Needle! Our plan!” He went to gasp the boys shoulders in a burst of enthusiasm, then remembered.  
Needle raised his brow “our...plan? For what?”  
Ivo smiled widely “Revenge, my dear boy!”  
Needle laughed nervously and scratched the back of his neck. This was all happening so fast. Was he comfortable with this?  
“What is it you would like me to do, Ivo?”  
The man glared at him awfully, Needle avoided the eyes. He didn’t like them. They creeped him out.  
“I want you- I mean- we’re going to make them pay for what they did you us. What they put us through. This is flawless, it can’t fail!” He basked in the glee of his own untested formula. “We’re going to conduct several attacks. We’re going for the people who did this specifically, there will be other casualties, naturally. We have to get them where it hurts!”  
Needle pulled the fur on his arm “We’re going to hurt them....like they hurt us.” He confirmed.  
“Yes! Exactly!”  
“But then how are we any better?”  
Ivo rubbed is eyes “Needle, my boy. There are people in the world who are simply bad. They have zero morality. They don’t care that what they do hurts people, they just want power and control. These are those people. They deserve to feel the consequences of their actions!”

Needle pushed the doubts to the back of his mind. It made sense. And this man early cared for him, even if he was a little bit of a wack job, it was easiest to blindly trust him. And besides, if everyone viscerally despised him, he didn’t have much of a choice.


	2. The Flames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang commits arson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got angsty way faster than I was initially planning but what can you do! I tried to flip between the Sonic/Needle and Shadow perspectives clearly and hopefully I did an okay job. If it’s a bit confusing let me know and I’ll try fix it and bare that in for later chapters!  
> Also honestly eggman just goes all out and it the most evil piece of shit in this chapter, so sorry if you wanted something more subtle. I am not your guy.  
> (Idw sonic fanbase please dont start stuff with me I literally dont have the energy)

The late afternoon sun engulfed Central City in a lazy orange haze. It was beautiful how the light glistened off the colossal skyscrapers, making it look like they were made of stars from where Needle stood looking down from roof of the ship.  
He liked it up there for some reason. Despite it’s obvious dangers, it felt safe and comforting. The breeze didn’t knock him back, instead he stood confident and strong. All doubts he’d had about Ivo and his own powers were eased now after spending the day running laps of the ship, being constantly amazed by how fast he really could go. Just when he thought he’d really reached his limit, he’d push himself just a little more, go even faster, breaking the sound barrier, or his most recent discovery, fire!

It was pretty easy to generate if he put enough friction in one place. He’d almost mastered it without burning his feet, with the help of Ivo’s encouraging chants and rejected badnik model test dummies.

And this was about to be his playground.

He could hear music coming from various buildings and streets, a mash of almost every genre. It was beautiful, but it filled him with resentment. How dare they rejoice after all the harm they’d caused. It was as if they were blissfully unaware of the heinous crimes and suffering they’d put him through. And it didn’t matter that he couldn’t exactly recall what they were, Ivo’s story made sense enough.

It did, didn’t it?

It definitely made sense.

Needle frowned. That doubt again. He couldn’t let it throw him off his rhythm, there was work to be done. Justice to be served. Even if not for him, for Ivo.

“Needle,” he heard a static voice from the communicator now attached to his wrist.  
“Here.”  
“I’m going to fly over that skyscraper, I want you to jump out. You can run down it no problem, I promise. And then....chaos ensues!” He cackled. Needle couldn’t tell if that was the dodgy reception or Ivo’s mad scientist charm.  
“Absolutely!” He chimed, waiting for his opportunity to strike.

When it arrived, he trusted his legs, and they didn’t let him down. He landed perfectly on the roof, then outstretched his arms behind his back as he pelted down the glass structure, landing on the pavement below with a loud crash of concrete.  
“Phew!” He gasped, it was exhilarating! No wonder so many people wanted to steal his powers.

Suddenly he realised the faces staring at him in the street. Half of confused, half glad.

“Oh, don’t worry. That was just the warm up” Needle smirked, taking off again, surrounding the city in a blue blur.  
“Ivo! This is incredible!” He called through his communicator.  
“I know, but remember why we’re here!” the doctor responded from above.

Oops. Of course! Time for things to get exciting!

He circled the buildings, the sheer amount of heat and energy radiating from his speed sparking a flame, just as he’d practiced on the badniks.  
It danced on the implanted turf around the building Needle realised was the library.

Surely important.

Hit them where it hurts.

He kept running, fanning the flame. Encouraging it to spread. And it did, fast. Alarms rang, people screamed. Then more buildings caught on as Needle upped his speed encouraging it to follow the breeze. Faster faster faster. These monsters didn’t deserve their beautiful buildings, not after what they’d done. They wanted his power so bad? They could have it.

“How am I doing?” Needle asked, speeding around the bank, spreading the fire, burning down their precious economy in the most literal sense.  
“Alright. I think you need to make it....personal” a sly voice responded.  
“What?” Ivo was too cryptic sometimes in ways Needle couldn’t quite understand. But what was new there?  
“Rough ‘em up a little!”  
Needle said nothing, the idea made him uneasy.  
“Grab them. Beat them up. Do whatever!”  
He kept running, passing crying children being hurried to safety, people running screaming from the burning buildings, couples holding hands and comforting each other as their beloved city burned before them. They were just people with emotions like him. Even if they’d done bad things, did they deserve this, really?  
The doubt was painful, it burned in his stomach like the buildings themselves. His emotions were confusing. Looking at the destruction he’d caused in such a short space of time and the terrified faces made him want to break down a cry, but it also filled him with utter euphoria, and etched him to do even more.

Needle stopped dead in his tracks, gazing into the fire, “I don’t think I can, Ivo.”

“What do you mean you can’t?” He sounded angry.  
“I mean...I don’t want to touch them. I don’t like touch. I don’t like it” he panicked, his eyes were welling up. Why was he already crying? Was it the heat? He was so close to the fire, the flames were gorgeous. They danced fluidly, unpredictability, like the tides by the city bay. It was funny how similar fire and water were in some aspects.  
“You have to! We have to make them know we’re not messing around! First person you see, kick them down!”  
Needle gulped, continuing to stare at the flames, it burned his eyes but he couldn’t look away. It was mesmerizing.  
Perhaps Ivo was right, he just had to do it, then it would get easier. Like how the smallest spark could soon engulf a something so quickly, losing all control .  
Needle turned away and scoured the area. It was completely evacuated now, no person in sight.  
Suddenly a gust of wind blew beside him, so quick, unnatural. Definitely not the wind he already knew

Needle finally caught glimpse of someone beside the blaze- it was another hedgehog. He had black and red fur, angry eyes, and looked determined, ready for action, and completely unafraid.

A terrible misjudgment.

* * *

  
**Earlier:**

Shadow sat on a hill watching the sunset. Another day waiting, another day he couldn’t apologise in an unsatisfactory but relatively good enough way.  
He absentmindedly yanked another clump of grass from the soil. He’d basically trimmed the whole field over the last few days.

He heard Rouge call from behind him. In the distance. She sounded serious.  
“Shadow! You need to come to Central City right now!” She said, flying over to him and catching her breath, “Amy got a distress call, the whole place is on fire! Since we’re closest she asked if we could check it out. And I said yes... on both our behalf's. So come on!”  
Shadow sighed as he got up to follow her. It really never ended.  
There was always something happening. If only Sonic were here, then he’d deal with it whilst Shadow went about as normal minding his own business. Although he did kinda owe him one.

* * *

“Sonic!” the hedgehog called, darting over to where Needle stood.  
He was fast too, were all hedgehogs this fast? Needle panicked. Backing up towards the flames.  
“Stay away!” he coughed, the smoke clogged the air, but he didn’t care. Something about this other hedgehog bothered him, the way his spines were shaped put him on edge. He looked so incredibly familiar, but he couldn’t place a specific memory.  
Needle kept backing away as the hedgehog got closer, it was boiling hot, hard to see, hard to breathe.

“What are you doing!” The hedgehog shouted, speeding over and grabbing Needle by the arm, forcing him out. It took them less than a few seconds to run to a safety zone miles away, a place where many citizens were being seen to by medics as fire trucks rushed to extinguish the fire.  
“Get off me!” Needle spat as soon as he processed the events, reeling out of the hedgehog’s grasp. It wasn’t hard, suspiciously not hard.  
The hedgehog had been trying to save him, not capture him.  
“Hey? Are you alright?” He went to touch him again, Needle acted quick, closing his eyes and delivering a forceful punch, everything in his mind protested this move, the thought of flesh on flesh, of something happening. Of something atrocious being his fault because of the contact.  
The dark hedgehog flew backwards, landing on his back. Needle stared at his hand. He’d touched someone, he had done that, HIMSELF. That dread again, shrouded him like a blanket leaving him in uncertain darkness. Something terrible would happen if he touched anyone. Something really really really bad.

And that’s when it got him, a huge blow to the cheek floored him as he momentarily lowered his guard. The dark hedgehog pinned him to the floor by the arms, his face too close, his flesh touching his, touching touching touching.

Needle screamed, he fought, he thrashed.  
“Get off! Get off!”  
The dark hedgehog was stronger this time, he couldn’t get out. He really really needed to get out.  
“Not till you tell me what is going on!” he replied sternly. The more Needle looked at his face between panicked efforts to break out, the more he seemed familiar. Was he one of the people Ivo was talking about? That would explain his equal speed. Had some of the efforts to steal his powers actually worked?  
“You have to let me go, something's gonna happen if you don’t!” He cried.  
The dark hedgehog frowned “is that a threat?”  
Needle was crying now, actually crying. He couldn’t control anything anymore. The city burned in the background completely solo, he couldn’t remember anything, and something awful was goung to happen that he couldn’t actually figure out, unless this asshole let him go.  
...

Shadow stared as Sonic wiggled manically in his arms. It was alarming to witness. Maybe this wasn’t Sonic, at least, not right now.  
“Who are you?” He snapped, “do you know who I am? ...Do you remember me?” Shadow’s voice started to faulter. No longer angry, just worried.  
Suddenly Sonic accumulated a huge burst of energy and broke free, pushing Shadow violently aside.  
“Damnit!” He cursed to himself, staring at his rival who was anxiously checking his hands for something.  
“Please, please listen. I just want to help you. Can you remember anything? Do you-“  
“I fought you before” Sonic replied, darker than he’d ever heard him, he shuddered at the bleakness, all the humor and sunshine was completely drained from Sonic’s voice.  
“Yes” Shadow said.  
“I remember that now. I remember fighting you. I remember you.”  
“What’s my name?” Shadow asked, maybe he was getting somewhere. But the expression in Sonic’s face turned from fury to emptiness.  
“I-it’s” he looked at his own hands again, he couldn’t stop doing that. It was like they weren’t his own. Like there was something on them, or he was drugged.  
“Do you see that?” He whispered, sounding completely mental. Shadow walked over to him slowly, Sonic seemed to let him, and given his general disposition, he wasn’t about to question it.  
“Look” he gasped, voice quiet and fearful but oddly fascinated at he same time. Shadow looked down at Sonic’s gloved hands, there literally wasn’t anything there.  
Sonic had completely lost it.

“Can you listen to me,” Shadow said, trying to distract Sonic and finally get some answers to what the absolute hell was going on.  
“I know what it’s like to struggle. To be afraid of who you are... and everything around you, but it doesn’t have to be like this!”  
Sonic looked at him, unsubtly avoiding eye contact.  
“What do I do?” He asked, trembling “I-I don’t know what to do!”  
“Come with me, I can help!” He urged, feeling like a broken record. Maybe he needed a different approach.  
“My name is Shadow, I’m a hedgehog like you. We’re, uhm, friends, sort of” putting effort into sounding a little lighter and friendlier. Sonic continued to switch between looking at Shadow and looking at his hands. Eventually he replied.  
“I don’t think so” it was monotonous, creepily so.  
“Excuse me?”  
“We’re not friends. I won’t let you hurt us again” he said, clearly trying to look intense but Shadow could see that fear from a mile off. He could read Sonic like a book, even with this unpredictable amnesia.  
“I wouldn’t hurt you” Shadow replied, a little white lie. He wouldn’t hesitate to kick some serious Sonic ass most days, but this was different, he needed to build some trust.  
“But you have! I know you have! I can remember it!” He shouted, jeez, he looked like a lost kid in a supermarket, it would’ve been pathetic if it wasn’t genuinely devastating.  
“Good! Okay! Yes! I’ve beat your sorry ass a few times! What else can you remember?” Okay, new approach.  
“You had me by the neck. It was cold. I was tired”  
Oh yes, of course he would remember that battle, the one Shadow couldn’t even fully recall himself in his zombot haze. He rubbed his eyes in frustration. This was clearly not a one person job. He made a mental note to go to Tails immediately if this failed.  
“I’m not going to let that happen again” Sonic grunted, the anger wasn’t real, it was a front, a lousy one.

Before Shadow could get another word in, Sonic was gone, only a gust of wind and a blue streak of light was left behind.  
He could follow. But he didn’t. He needed to wait, give himself time to formulate a plan.

* * *

The breeze followed Needle into the ship, leaves danced behind him until he slammed he door shut before bending over to catch his breath. His eyes were raw from crying, he was completely spent.  
Someone creeped up beside him, scaring him out of his sorry state.  
“What the hell was that?” Ivo yelled. Needle jolted at the unexpected noise, then frowned resentfully, glaring up at Ivo  
“What you asked!”  
He was huge, Needle hadn’t noticed when he was nice, but now his anger made his height a threat; like he could and would crush him under his shoe.  
“You didn’t do as I asked! I told you to go for them. Make them suffer!”  
“I burned down their entire city!” Needle shouted, his already voice sore from the screaming and crying before.  
“Yes. But we need to target THEM. They can put a fire out! They can rebuild things. Hey can’t rebuild lives!” He leaned in close, much too close for comfort, his breath on Needle’s shoulder. He shivered at th proximity. And darted away.  
“I thought this was revenge for both of us! Why must it be only your way?!” He called from the other end of the room, still backed against the wall despite their distance.  
“Because that’s not why you did it! You were scared! You were a coward! How can we be expected to live in peace if they don't fear us! You just gave them another reason to hate us! That’s not the same. They have to be afraid!” Ivo punched the wall so hard it left a dent.  
Needle turned his back to him. This man was full of garbage. The doubt that had been fizzing his gut all day was now a siren in his head. He’d been given ‘answers’ but that’s not what they were at all. Just more questions. How exactly had these people hurt him? The only memory he could uncover was when he fought that dark hedgehog. But even then, it was more a vivid feeling than a memory.

“I want to leave!” Needle said eventually, turning back to Ivo, pretending to be bold.  
Ivo only laughed.  
“Leave?! And do what? You’ll die out there! They’ll just capture you again, and now they’ve got a reason to! You’ll be put to death before sunrise! Not to mention you’ll be putting me in danger too. Without your powers, what can I do?!”  
That was it, his mask slipped. His perfect scheme became too obvious.  
“So that’s it. You want my powers.” He gulped “You’re...you’re the bad guy here! The way you treat those robots and- and just- none of it makes any sense! I don’t know anything! I can’t remember anything!” He collapsed to the floor “I’m so scared, and I thought that other hedgehog could help me!” He gasped, starting to sob into his hands.

He felt Ivo kneel beside him, making an overly sarcastic noise of pity.  
“Oh poor little thing. It must be so hard for you right now” he coo’d, then his voice switched “I dont want to see you for the rest of the day” Ivo snarled.  
Needle sniffed and looked up “what-?”  
He was yanked to his feet by badniks. He struggled but their cold metal grasp was too strong and Needle didn’t have much fight left in him. Another badnik attached a pair of glowing blue handcuffs before him, that instantly made him tired.  
“Goodnight” Ivo said blankly.  
“No! What are you doing?” Needle panted weakly as he was dragged away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (A few people headcanon that the handcuffs used in forces drained sonic’s energy which is why he couldn’t break out so easily and honestly thats a hot take so i stole it for this fic. Credit to whoever came up with that originally)


	3. The Shard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang gets shanked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so much beef with this chapter. I’ve rewritten it 3 times now and this is the version i hate the least. So go off.  
> I know it’s like ridiculously edgy but im writing sonic fanfiction come on. What did we expect would happen.

“You’re telling me SONIC is responsible!” Tails cried, Shadow leaned against a workbench in his typical annoying edgy manner and nodded, before deciding it’d be less damning to elaborate.  
“I think it’s complicated issue.”  
Tails threw down the tools he’d been using onto the table. “YOU DON’T SAY!”  
Shadow rolled his eyes at the young fox’s temper, not that he could really blame him.  
“I think he’s lost his memory, or- something like that. He doesn’t seem to be exactly...thriving.”  
Tails walked over and sat beside him, then immediately got up and started pacing.  
“What did he say? How was he acting? Was he alright?” He panicked, sending himself into a fit of worry.  
“Tails, please, I’ve seen one mental breakdown enough today. Just let me explain!” He waited a moment until the fox was ready and calm.

Tails eventually stopped and sat opposite him, messing with his gloves.

“Alright. So I think he was responsible for the fires, but someone made him do it. My theory is Eggman, because it’s always Eggman,”  
“Oh definitely Eggman, literally zero question about!”  
“Yeah. He had this strange idea that we’d all hurt him, or- ‘them’, which is a word that makes me uneasy” he shuddered “he also had a fixation with his hands, seemed to be afraid of touch. Said something ‘bad’ would happen if we did.”  
Tails fiddled with a screwdriver on the table, scratching lines in the wood.  
“Okay” he breathed, “this is bad. Really really bad. I never even seen him sad that often, never mind-" he stopped himself saying it, changing the topic slightly, “is this looking like a rescue mission or what?”  
Shadow sighed “Possibly, but I think we have to wait for him to come to us. He’ll strike again soon, we just have to be ready.”

* * *

Needle was taken down to a freezing cold empty room at the bottom of the ship, dragging his feet the whole time, unable to stand or think straight. The handcuffs absorbed his energy greedily, rendering him useless besides the occasional whine of discomfort as he was yanked and pushed around.  
“Easy metal-heads” he moaned, the cockiness slipped out naturally and took him by surprise, as the badniks threw them him harshly to floor, his hands unable to break the fall. He landed with a thud. Not that he cared. He was just happy to no longer be on his feet, finally he could rest.  
The door deadlocked behind him as his mind shut down for the day.

Except that’s not what happened.

He started to drift into those dreams again, the endless falling. It was at first freeing and thrilling, but then he was harshly pulled back out of them before his brain hit full satisfactory unconsciousness. He tossed and turned trying to find rest, but something always woke him. The cold, the noises of the ship, the dreams themselves.  
He stayed there for hours and hours, barely remaining conscious enough to realise this machine was designed to cruelly dangle him over the edge of sleep and render him exhausted, but never let him have it.

He considered using this as time to think rather than sleep, since that wasn’t coming any time soon. He let his thoughts flow around him like the fire he’d caused in Central City. Recalling the beautiful way it danced in his eyes. Something about fire made him feel safe, maybe he now associated it with the Princess of the Sol dimension since they’d met when he’d first phased into existence, in whatever way that was.  
Maybe he could use this time to figure some stuff out.

He remembered that dark hedgehog, he’d even told Needle his name, but Needle’s mind wouldn’t let him find the memory. As if it were protecting him.

He opened his eyes for a moment. They were red and watery from the deprivation, but he swore he saw that hedgehog in the room, towering over him. His upturned quills and angry eyes focused pierced his soul.  
“What’s your name?” He asked.  
The dark hedgehog repeated “what’s your name?”  
Needle knew this wasn’t real, but he couldn’t stop looking.  
“I don’t know” he replied.  
The dark hedgehog buzzed like static.  
“Mine is-“ BEEP. A loud piercing beep noise echoed around the room “and yours is-“ BEEP. It sounded again.

Needle wished he could cover his ears. It was so loud. It continued, unprovoked.  
BEEP.  
“You didn’t even say anything!” Needle yelled.  
The hedgehog’s lips kept moving but the only noise that escaped was that awful beep. Over and over again. It rang in his ears sharply. Like he was being stabbed in the brain every time.  
He cried.  
“Stop talking!”  
The dark hedgehog grabbed him with cold hands around the neck, and pushed him up against he wall. Needle felt something spread from them to his neck, a freezing cold substance, it hurt his skin.  
The beeping was constant, one long agonisingly loud note.  
Needle tried to scream but he couldn’t even breathe. Every sense was overloaded. All he could do was let the tears run down his muzzle.

“I think that’ll do for now.” Said a voice.

The cuffs were unlocked, the energy gradually seeped back into his body, waking him up so fast he felt nauseous. The noise finally stopped. Needle continued to lie tiredly on the ground, catching his breath.  
He turned away from Ivo and brought his hands over his head shakily, clutching his spines as he faced the floor, crying hysterically. It was terrifying how real that all had felt.  
A blanket was draped over him, warming him up significantly.

“It’s okay, Needle, it’s over now.” Ivo soothed, his tone genuinely gentle and caring, “I’m sorry I had to put you through that, but I had no choice. If you ran away I couldn’t protect you”  
Needle sat himself up bundling up in the blanket, looking up at Ivo with bloodshot eyes.  
“I know” Needle he sniffed “I’m sorry for not doing it right. I’m sorry for ruining everything. It wont happen again.”  
Ivo nodded confirmatively.

* * *

Needle lay awake that night. Still so drained, his body begging him to sleep, but what if that all happened again? That horrifying half-dream.  
He kept checking his hands for the handcuffs, they were gone, taken off hours ago, but still he felt an urge to check like he did when he touched people (or rather, they touched him)  
“What is wrong with me?” He uttered, as he rubbed his eyes and got up off the bed, heading to the bathroom.

Needle set the automatic door to locked, and gazed at his reflection in the mirror.

This wasn’t someone he recognised in any way. Not even a vague memory of seeing this face before, maybe he didn’t look in the mirror much.

_Maybe he wasn’t real._

He smacked himself. Stupid thought. Of course he was. He was right there. Staring back.  
It was a weird, ugly, unconnected reflection. He leaned closer to get a better look. Felt his spikes, pulled at his mouth and eyes, flopped his ears.  
Definitely his. No doubt about it.

It was hard living in a body that felt so foreign.  
It was hard existing as a living ghost.

Like a ghost, he allowed his mind float above his own body to observe it from below. Watching as an outsider as his fists angrily punched the mirror over and over and over until the gloves were stained with blood and the glass shattered all over the sink.

He watched as he hit himself on the head, as if physically trying to threaten the memories out of hiding.

He watched as he cursed to himself and wailed and cried in the ugliest way, hunching into the smallest ball by the toilet.

What did he think of it?

Well, he wasn’t so much ashamed as he was curious. There were no feelings anymore, not really, just anger and hatred and disappointment. Although those were technically feelings, they didn’t feel the same. They felt more like residue energy, or like chewing gum that had long lost its flavour. The tears were empty, they weren’t sad tears. They just happened.

Needle caught another glimpse of himself in a broken shared of glass opposite him. Which one was the ghost? Were they the same person now.

“Who are you?” He said out loud. The dark hedgehog had called him Sonic. The two robots had almost dropped that name too. And Ivo, and despite being his ‘son’, called him something else of his own choosing.  
“Sonic,”  
When he said it out loud, he heard the faint echo of the awful censoring beep noises as before, it made him shudder.

If his name was Sonic, something in him really didn’t want him to know that. It made total sense, but someone was lying to him. Maybe it was Ivo, his story was full of inconsistencies Needle acknowledged but didn’t question. He couldn’t afford to do that, because if he did, he would be left completely alone.

* * *

  
“I’m sorry for how I acted, Ivo. I’ll make it up to you.” Needle said the following morning, he could physically feel his eye bags weighing him down.

“I know you will.” Ivo replied, he placed a plate beside him. It smelled bad.  
“You should eat something, come on!”  
Needle glared at it, the more he analysed the details of its contents the more it made his stomach turn.  
“No thanks, I’m okay.” he said quietly.  
Ivo frowned “You’re wasting away! And you need your energy for later! Go on.”  
Needle picked up the fork and prodded the sludge that almost moved around the plate. It oozed when poked.

Definitely not happening.

“I’ll eat later,” he said, defeatedly placing the fork down. He was starving. He hadn’t eaten in days, Ivo had never asked and he had never thought about it. But when he actually thought about it, the idea of physically eating made him feel sick. Maybe it was better that way. He didn’t really deserve it until he did something right.

Ivo messed around with a screen on the control panel.  
“You want to see our target today?” He asked. Needle walked over to join him.  
“It’s Spiral Hill time baby!” He exclaimed, pointing excitedly at the triskelion in the screen.  
“We’ll be there in an hour! Get ready to go, it’s gonna be a big one!”  
Needle pressed his lips together in frustration, he was exhausted, but didn’t have the energy to protest as Ivo gave him the run down of the plan.  
“Little hack for you: go for the timid ones first, they’re easiest! Make them afraid, you hear me?”  
Needle nodded.  
“Then you can blow up and set fire to whatever you want. Get creative. Do not let me down.”  
“Ivo, may I just ask one thing?”  
Ivo turned to him, quizzically.  
“What actually is the point of all this. I know revenge but...is there a greater outcome in mind other than a few charred cities and traumatised families?”  
Ivo grinned, “I’m so glad you asked! But that’ll come later. Our task now is to scare them into submission, to let them know there’s no way they can win, break them down!”  
Needle smiled slyly imitating Ivo’s energy. He was ready. He could do it this time. He wasn’t going to let the old man down.

* * *

Needle leaped out of the ship, landing gracefully on the roof of yet another building, only this one was old and made of stone and wood. Oh, this would be FUN!  
The tiredness effected his speed significantly, but he had priorities today other than arson, so perhaps it wasn’t so much of a big deal.

Time to go.

He leaped off the roof, landing stealthily in the town square, unnoticed. He caught sight of an old woman, a cat, she sat on the bench feeding the birds seeds from a small brown paper bag. How wholesome. But did people guilty of such diabolical things deserve and easy retirement? Like Ivo had said, the timid ones first.

He ran for her, violently pushing her to the ground where she landed with a yelp. The few people who were gathered in the towns square gasped and ran to her aid. Needle was already on the rooftop again, away from any pointing fingers, but he kept watching.

He should keep going.

But was she okay? He needed to know.

_No. Keep running. You’re spoiling this again._

“So much for landing in all fours!” he laughed, trying to erase his doubts with a witty one liner, apparently he was good at those. Suddenly he stopped, seeing his reflection in a skylight at his feet.  
“What are you looking at?” He groaned.  
The reflection did nothing.  
“Don’t look at me like that. We have to do this. We promised!”  
Again, nothing.  
Needle ignored its judgmental glares and dashed away, making sure to put enough friction in singular places to summon that big beautiful flame! Oh, it felt good to be out and about again!

He spotted a group of people hanging out in a skate park that looked strangely out of place in the quaint little old town.  
Time to fix that, Needle thought, as he pelted towards them, swiftly nocking them over like bowling pins, stealing their boards and casting them into the mass of burning houses before the teens even got up the check their bruises. Needle ran away and continued to fan and spread the fire around all the houses, until most of the old town was completely alight.

He jumped down, looked back and smiled at his work thus far, wishing his communicator hadn’t been broken by the handcuffs so he could brag to Ivo about his achievements. He’d be so proud!

Suddenly a huge boom sounded in the distance, a huge cloud of smoke followed by a roar of fresh flames carried it.  
Good part about small towns: no special places for the cars to park. They were just everywhere. Their fragile inner workings so easy to destroy.

Machines weren’t all that.

It was followed by even more explosions as the fire caught every house along the narrow street. Needle trusted it to keep doing its thing, turning down an untouched alleyway to take a breather and re-gather his strength. He wished he had forced himself to eat that semi-living gunk Ivo had tried to feed him that morning.

His thoughts were interrupted by two rustling noises coming from behind some bins in the corner. Needle crept closer, two people were hiding there, sounded young, afraid. He turned the corner and saw them: Two small rabbits, a boy and a girl, huddled together, the toy cars they’d been playing with scattered around their feet.  
Needle said nothing, just looked at them, not quite sure what to do.  
“H-hey...m-mister” one of them dared to say.  
Needle locked eyes on her, she backed up further once confronted with his piercing stare.  
“S-sorry. You just- you look like Sonic the Hedgehog. I thought you m-might be able to he-help us?” She quivered, she held her brother tightly, who was a lot smaller and could barley bring himself to look at Needle.

That name again, that fucking name. He reached over and grabbed her by the shirt collar.  
“Don’t you dare call me that!” He screamed in her face. She shook violently, staring at him with terrified wide eyes. Needle looked to his right, he saw his reflection again in the window. That hedgehog, Sonic. Sonic the Hedgehog. He was right there. Doing the exact same thing.

He looked back at the girl.  
No. What was he doing?

“I’m...sorry.” He placed her down, she ran away with no hesitation, calling for her brother to follow, but he just stood paralysed in fear, watching the hedgehog get closer to the window. He stopped for a moment to check his hands. Nothing there. He hadn’t made skin-skin contact. It was fine. It wasn’t fine though. That glitchy out of sync reflection remained.

“What do you want? Why are you lurking?” Needle hissed at it.  
The reflection continued to not respond like the smug bastard it was. He couldn’t take it anymore, “STOP THIS” he shouted, punching an already red fist into the window, glass falling in pieces before him. The rabbit took this as his opportunity to sneak away, but Needle noticed out of the corner of his eye, lunging forward going for the kid, completely forgetting the horrible way it felt last time.

He pushed the boy over, “You think I look like him? Do you think I look like him?” He panted manically, eyes darting about everywhere in a paranoid fashion.  
The kid didn’t now what to respond, he started to cry.  
“Answer me! Please! I just need answers!” Needle was desperate, he wanted a simple yes or no- this could be it.  
Suddenly he felt a sharp pain in his stomach, so quickly he couldn’t stop the noise escaping his mouth. He looked down at the kid- he held a shard of glass, drenched in red, he held it uncomfortably away from Needle. Reluctantly, Needle looked down.

The kid had stabbed him right in the gut. He grasped in awe, it really had gone right in there. He gritted his teeth as the initial shock wore off and the pain started to kick in, all the time looking at the kid’s trembling hand.

Needle did want him to be sad. He didn’t want to hurt him. What was happening to him? This had all been such a mistake. How had he possibly been excited to do this, it was the worst.  
“Hey, kid. It’s okay. I promise it’s okay” he whispered, as he started to feel dizzy, slumping the the ground opposite, keeping his eyes set on the boy.  
“I promise. I promise. It’s all fine.” he repeated “g-go...”  
The young rabbit ran away, then stopped dead in his tracks, clearly struggling the process the events.  
Needle panicked as felt the threat of unconsciousness looming over him, he looked over at the kid, mentally urging him to keep running in his foggy mind, but he didn’t. He couldn’t let this kid witness him die right in front of his eyes and scar him for life. The least he could do was drag himself to another alleyway and die in peace, out of sight, out of mind.

* * *

“What’s happening? We just received a distress call with no info? Is anybody hurt?” Tails shouted over the noise, Amy stood ready to his left, hammer clenched, ready to strike, and Shadow on his right, scouring through the chaos for any sign of Sonic.

“I have no idea!” Tangle stressed, pacing around hyperactively, Whisper had tried to calm her down, but she too knew the residents of Spiral Hill couldn’t face this much longer.  
“There’s something just....destroying everything. Explosions, fires, everything! Most of the old town is rubble! People are being thrown about but they can’t say who or what did it!” She was pulling her tail anxiously.  
Tails frowned “Okay, I’ll search the old town for survivors. Amy, Knuckles, you search the surrounding areas” he instructed. The two nodded.  
“Yes boss!” Voiced Knuckles as he ran after Amy who was clearly taking this a lot more seriously.  
“I’ll come with you!” Tangle said, resting a hand on Tail’s shoulder. He didn’t argue, she wasn’t going to just sit there and calm down no matter what he said.  
Shadow saluted to Tails, who did so back, as he left on his solo mission to track down the blue hedgehog. He was the strongest to take on Sonic if he found him, going alone was hardly a risk.

Tails and Tangle walked cautiously between the piles of rubble that were once buildings, and the few that remained standing. The fire had mostly died down, but the dust clogged the air. Both the investigators coughed till they reached a clearing.  
“This is Sonic’s doing” Tails finally said, Tangle did a double take.  
“I’m sorry, I must have misheard you there buddy,”  
Tails shook his head “unfortunately you didn’t. Something’s happened to him, Shadow saw it all a couple of days ago. He’s, to phrase it lightly, lost his absolute marbles” they turned a corner coming into a narrow alleyway.  
“What do you think happened?” She asked.  
“Uh, I’m really not sure. Maybe Eggman did something, or maybe it was the warp topaz, or-“  
They were interrupted by a loud scream. They turned around immediately

“Oh crap!” gasped Tangle, as she ran towards it. Tails flew behind her, knowing a birds eye view would be more useful. He spotted it.

“THERE!” He called “NEXT ALLEY TO YOUR RIGHT!”

Tangle darted forward with haste, Tails landed beside her.

A small rabbit, no older than 10, stood there panting with a shard of glass dripping blood grasped tightly in his own bloody hand, he was sobbing.  
Tails came closer, carefully “Hey there, are you okay? We’ve come to help. I’m Tails.”  
The kid looked at him with guilty eyes “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”  
“It’s alright. What happened?”  
“I had to- he was going to hurt me and it was just there- and-“  
Tangle knelt down beside him, gently taking the glass from the kid’s hand, she took off one of her gloves and used it to wipe up some of the mess.  
“Sorry, it’s all I have” she said gently, thankfully the cut didn’t look too deep.

Tails looked around anxiously for any clues “What happened?” he started to sound frustrated, Tangle held the boy close.  
“He- he came for me. He hurt my sister....and she-she ran away and I was alone and the window was broken so-“  
“It’s okay, you didn’t have a choice, you had to protect yourself” Tangle whispered as she stroked the boys hair while he sobbed.  
Tails kneeled in front of him to get on his level. He took a deep breath. “Was it Sonic the Hedgehog?”  
The boy nodded.  
Tails sighed, he knew this would be it, but it was still hard to accept. His brother was truly lost and it was going to be hell getting him back.  
“Did you see where he went?”  
They all jumped as a pained cough sounded from the conjoining alleyway.

That answered the question just fine.

“Tangle, take him to the survivors,”  
“But what if he’s dangerous?!” She protested, leading the kid away regardless.  
“Oh he will be, but I got this. Don’t worry”  
Tangle gave him a concerned look, “Okay. Don’t be stupid.”

Tails turned back around and walked slowly towards the coughing. He really, really, desperately didn’t want to find what he knew was inevitable.

“Sonic? Are you there?” Nothing. Slowly he crept, till a large red shoe came into sight peaking out of the corner.  
Then groans, agonising groans. Tails was done being careful. If Sonic was injured, brainwashed or not, he had to help.  
He turned the corner and his worst nightmares became reality. Sonic lay on the ground clutching a bloody wound to his stomach.  
“Sonic!” Tails cried, running to help him. The instinct completely outmatched the necessary caution. Tails crouched beside his brother lifting his head, trying to rouse him.  
“Hey man, hey. It’s been some time. Where’ve you been?”  
Sonic’s eyes etched open finally. He didn’t look like himself, sporting the same eye bags he’d had last time they’d seen each other back on angel island.  
But this time he looked at Tails like a complete stranger.  
“Get away from me” he croaked, trying to muster up some strength to push Tails away between gasps.  
“Sonic, I’m gonna get you some help, okay. Can you stand?” Tails was holding the wound, helplessly trying to stop the bleeding.  
“Don’t touch me! Get of!” He squirmed, he appeared to be panicking. Then Tails remembered what Shadow had said about the touching. How Sonic thought something bad would happen.  
He let go, just as Sonic mustered up enough energy to simultaneously push Tails against the wall “STOP!” He screamed. It was blood curdling. Tired. Desperate.

The impact of the fall knocked Tails over, but he struggled back to his feet relatively unharmed, staring at what was once his loving brother. Sonic had never tried to hurt him like that before.  
“Sonic,” he said softly.  
The hedgehog stared at him for a second, for a moment it seemed like he could recognise him, but he looked so trapped and helpless.  
“Let me help you,” Tails outstretched he is hand. His brother’s sad eyes flicked back to resentment, fury overtaking any doubt or buried memory that had gathered at the surface.  
“Go! Get out of here!” He said, his voice broke from exhaustion. He doubled over and grabbed the wall for support.  
“You’re bleeding, come on. I can fix it up, I’m always fixing your scrapes and cuts remember?” Tails begged, trying any way to get through to him.  
“I don't need your help. Just get out of here,” he rasped, his voice charred from the effort. He continued not to make eye contact.  
“Why don’t you just kill me?“ Tails asked sternly. Sonic gave him a questionable look.  
”If you’re this...powerful warrior being of pure destruction, go on. Do it” he opened his arms, inviting an attack.  
Sonic snarled “This is a trick. You’re trying to play with my head.”  
“Yes! I am! You are my brother and you are so so out of it! I just want you to come home!” Tails pleaded. Sonic kept staring at him, hunched. Eventually his knees buckled over.  
Tails ran to his aid. “It’s okay you’ll be alright. I need to stop the bleeding!”  
“No- no, it’s okay,” Sonic pushed him away again. “Just-“ he swallowed “leave me alone.”

Tails furrowed his brow, debating what to do.  
“I have to go and find someone to help, I can’t carry you like this. Stay here, I’ll be quick as I can!”

* * *

Needle sat where the fox had left him, his thoughts were nonsense, an endless stream of random words and thoughts. Shit. We’re fine we’ll get through this. We always get through this.

_The fox was going to help him. We can trust him. He’s kind._

**It’s a trick. Get out of there.**

The thoughts rang in his head over and over, it echoed in his brain as he slowly started to lose consciousness from the blood loss.

There was so much of it.

It was horrible and sticky and messy.

It was deep red and beautiful. How it poured out of him like a waterfall.

_No. Bad thought._

He looked over the the horizon. He could do it. It wasn’t far to the ship. He could run there before he passed out.

He hoisted himself up, his legs wobbling beneath him.  
 _Okay. Go._

He bolted into the distance with the very last of his strength.

* * *

  
Needle fell into the base, the run had been the final straw, his strength was completely depleted. He clutched his stomach, not wanting to get blood all over Ivo’s clean floors.  
Orbot and Cubot noticed his presence and ran over.  
He swallowed “I need some help,”  
Right away they ran to their master to inform them of the kids condition as he surrendered to the looming darkness that had been threatening to consume him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyway so yeah sonic’s just fuckin lost it rip


	4. The Idea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang makes a run for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to update this daily but i have am super busy constantly always and also im kinda ugh today but whatever. Here’s a fun chapter.  
> Im so happy with how the story is coming along even though it’s a little messy. If you’re wondering how long this fic is gonna be, the answer is extremely long, homfrys. Extremely long. And tbh i do be ignoring the issue that comes out tomorrow cus i gots plans boys. So basically this is complete canon divergence ur welcome gamers.

It was a relatively easy fix, whoever had done the shanking had done a pretty lousy job, avoiding every vital organ. Kids these days with their mechsuits and warp topazes and chaos emeralds, no one ever indulged in knife crime anymore and it showed. The attempt was just embarrassing, Eggman thought.

Eggman wasn’t exactly a medical genius, definitely more of a tech guy, but there was never any harm in learning how to give a couple of cheeky stitches here and there, especially when he got himself into as many completely necessary wars as he did. He managed to get Sonic relatively stable, at least physically (he’d found the smashed mirror that morning, so there was definitely some kind of full frontal identity crisis going on beneath the surface that he was hiding very poorly, it was a classic sign.) He now lay in Eggman’s make-shift infirmary, sleeping easily and peacefully.

This was too good a rest, Eggman had to keep him tired.  
He needed the hedgehog’s brain to be constantly too fried to put two and two together to compensate for how out of control and inconsistent his lies had become. He might even wake up and remember something, his memory was bound to come back soon.

He’d done some general scans between stitching up the wound and bandaging the bloody knuckles- and there weren’t any signs of brain damage, meaning the amnesia was likely a trauma response from all the stress of the metal virus. He’d gone through a lot, the seed of doubt Eggman had planted days ago had clearly blossomed into something now uncontrollable. Just as planned.

Or- was it? A small part of him, an extremely tiny, minuscule, almost none existent part of him, really wanted this kid to just rest. Sonic had looked horrendous even before the incident. The haggard expression he wore on his face 24/7, the bloody knuckles that had only just been seen to, the clear signs of malnutrition. If Eggman let him continue down this destructive path he might not even live long enough to be a valuable asset in his mission for domination. A doubtful hedgehog was better than a dead one, after all.

So he allowed Sonic to rest, just for a bit. It was possible he’d gone in too hard from the start- should’ve been more subtle, created the illusion of genuine compassion rather than losing his cool so easily. And maybe, and it was just a maybe, he could still make this rest productive.

* * *

Beeping. Mumbling. That’s all Needle heard for a good 30 minutes before his body cultivated the motivation to open his eyes. The world was blurry at first, but then he noticed a familiar silhouette.

Ivo was stood by the end of the bed reading something off the machine and noting it down.

Needle did a physical check in, lifting the cover. His stomach was sore, but the blood had been cleared, replaced by a bandage wrapped around his torso. There was an IV in one arm and a heart monitor attached to the other.

Ivo looked him in eyes. Needle tensed.

“Look who decided to show up!” he smiled through clenched teeth. Needle sighed, another let down no doubt.  
“I’m sorry,” Needle rasped, making extra efforts to avoid eye contact. He couldn’t tell if it was the guilt, or that eyes were too intense, or that specifically Ivo’s eyes filled him with an unmanageable panic if he looked into them for too long.

Ivo strolled over to the head to the bed, as Needle followed him tiredly.  
“You did...enough. You need to rest” he said, staring first at the hedgehog’s sorry state and then at the monitors again as they beeped and booped information Needle couldn’t begin to de-crypt.  
“No, I mean” Needle struggled to catch his breath for a second “I-I can’t do this anymore. It doesn’t feel right. I don’t want to hurt anyone else now.”

The disappointment that Ivo was attempting to hide from him suddenly became blindingly obvious. “What?”  
Needle shifted uncomfortably, the pain in his side irritating him and his heart struggling with the task of pumping oxygen, it showed on the monitor. He couldn’t exactly hide the panic when everything his inner workings did was being put on a screen for all to see. It felt exposing.

“There’s something in me that just...can’t. They have emotions and fears like me, and when I threaten them.... I can see they’re terrified, and- I know they deserve it, but maybe....maybe I’m too spineless to do it myself” he admitted between deep, uncomfortable breaths.  
“You can’t give up now! We’ve come so far!” Ivo slumped in a chair beside him and got worryingly close. Needle looked away, not wanting to subject his already nauseous body to Ivo’s absolutely vile look.  
“I want to give up. If giving up means not making other people miserable” Needle stated, hoping it gave off the finality he wanted it to. He was done playing games now, being a toy in whatever Ivo’s super top secret revenge plans were. Or he wanted to believe that he was done, but the guilt still sat in him like a stone he could only extract out through the most horrendous means.

“I should’ve let you die” Ivo snapped.  
Needle sank, but trying to maintain his new stoic front, then he turned back to Ivo.  
“Maybe.”

And in a way he wished Ivo had. Even though he was now home, he didn’t feel it. Not that he had anything to compare it to. Other than Blaze. She’d been more than welcoming. But she was royal from another dimension- maybe they just did things differently there.  
Or maybe not. Maybe Ivo was tricking him. Parts of his story made absolutely zero sense, and all he’d really done whilst Needle was under his care was tell him everybody hated him with zero evidence to support it, and locked him away for when he tried to leave, rendering him physically useless for 48 hours.

When he’d initially landed in Central City, people had been pleased to see him, even just for a second. In the moment he’d assumed it was malicious- that they were only happy because they got their little science experiment back. But what if it wasn’t.

And that other hedgehog who’s name escaped him, the one who had tried so hard to get through to Needle. What if it was genuine, someone else like him existing and having gone through the same thing, having to piece together parts of a shattered life based on hypotheticals and lies and unearned trust.

And maybe that fight, that one he kept partially remembering, with the dark hedgehog’s cold hands around his neck, what if it was something more. The cold he felt in that memory was the same cold he felt on his hands when there was nothing really there.

Needle lay for a while, drifting off into a deep sleep as the thoughts were hijacked by exhaustion. When he woke up, his throat was painfully dry, and Ivo was gone. It felt like an absolutely insane amount of time had passed, but he had no point of reference, no clock on the wall- nothing. Just a feeling. He looked around the room for some water, no luck.

He sighed, coming to a hesitant conclusion.

Needle quickly ripped out the IV, it stung, and carefully lowered himself from the bed. His legs were wobbly and his head sore- but he was alright. He’d already let Ivo down enough, he couldn’t find anything to justify him using up his medical supplies any longer than necessary, especially given the idea that had implanted itself in his brain.

Using the walls for support, he limped back to his room. The pain in his side throbbed as he pushed himself, running was absolutely out of the question, this was his only option. He tried to hold in the moans but occasionally they escaped, though he managed to somewhat contain their volume.

Not far now, he thought.

After what felt like an endless amount of time he made it to his ‘cosy’ storage room, and lay himself down gently on the bed. It was hard and did nothing for his aching muscles.

Needle looked up at the rusty metal ceiling, toying with that new idea:  
He hated it here. He was so alone. Although Ivo supposedly cared for him, all he felt was guilt and anger. Maybe it would be best to get out of his hair. Maybe it would be good to find that other hedgehog and get some answers, another side of things.  
And if Ivo wouldn’t let him leave, he’d have to give himself permission

* * *

Needle napped as he waited for that point when Ivo got bored of yelling and the ship was set to auto for the rest of the night, where it would hang low on the horizon. He woke up at intervals to see where the evening was at.

Around 8pm he heard the final throaty scream, then the bump.  
Around 10pm he heard Ivo making his way to his room.  
Around 10:30pm he heard the grotesque snores.

It was time.

Needle located the safest exit, one that wouldn’t require much strenuous jumping, the oddly placed one in the bathroom was likely a good call.  
He ran as fast as his legs would let him, which wasn’t much, but better than nothing and definitely still faster than the average person. He opened the door and locked it behind him.

For a second, he looked at the blank square where the mirror used to be. No longer a broken reflection of an unknown person whose body he inhabited stared back at him. It was just his thoughts, and his real body- the one that hurt so much but he knew was real and authentic and had a life and friends and dreams beyond his narrow understanding. There was so much he didn’t know, and Ivo was reluctant teach him.

Time for a field trip.  
He had to find that hedgehog.

He leaped out from the hatch, the ship was a small leap from the ground, but still Needle fell with a painful thud onto the wet grass below. Probably because everything he even slightly touched was painful. But it didn’t matter, he could deal with that later.

He looked ahead at the misty night. Something in his mind told him the forest ahead would be a good call. He bolted as fast as he could and did not look back.

* * *

Tails, Shadow, Tangle, Knuckles, and Amy all sat in silence around the fire outside Shadow's cave. It bad been a long few days and they all really needed a chill hang out session, but with Sonic how he was, a rescue plan creating session was their only option.  
Summer was ending, the weather was getting cold now, and a fresh fog started to cloud the forest up around them. Tails shivered.

“How do you even survive out here?” He joked, as Shadow poked at the fire with a stick. He looked up at Tails, confused as to why he wouldn’t see that as a plausible thing.  
Tails rolled his eyes “Never mind.” He sipped his tea, the attempt to make general conversation wasn’t welcome here- and he was only trying in an attempt to feel normal for a change. But the situation wasn’t normal.

“We need a plan, for real this time. We can't just wait for him to stike now, he’s injured, could be out of the game for a while. That’s trusting that...he’s...”

Shadow stopped Tails saying the words that hung off the edge of his tonge.

“He’s not dead. Eggman wouldn’t want to lose something so intrinsic to his plan. He got Sonic on his side, he’s not going to just throw that away!”

Tangle put her arm around Tails as he teared up, gazing at the crackling fire wood.  
“What do you think we should do?” She asked  
Knuckles interviened “Look I’m honestly baffled that no one has suggested simply breaking into Eggman’s ship yet!” He broke a twig.  
Shadow rolled his eyes as the hasty Echidna.  
“It’s more complicated than that! And besides, it’d be too dangerous!”  
“Oh why is that, huh? Something tells me you’re even glad he’s gone- now you can prance about being the ‘ultimate life form’ unchallenged!” Knuckles mocked.  
Shadow narrowed his eyes, locked them on Knuckles, and stood up.  
“Excuse me?” He threatened, as he advanced over to the echidna, who stood up tall before him in response.  
“What?” he said, knowing full well what he’d said.

Shadow shoved him, but Knuckles barely budged and punched back, which Shadow stealthily avoided, catching his arm in a deadlock.  
“I know what it’s like to be manipulated like this. How dare you suggest I would wish that on someone else purely because we’re not ‘best buddies’” he said sternly into Knuckles’ ear.

“Guys!” Tails cried “can you go five minutes without blaming each other for stuff none of us can control?!” He yelled.  
Shadow turned to Tails, and exhaled- releasing Knuckles and walking back over to where he’d been sitting, not before giving Knuckles an angry glare.

“But I have to agree- we need to break in. He’s completely lost, there’s no way he’s going to just naturally come to us when he remembers things. I think Eggman is messing with him,” he shuddered at the thought of his brother being treated so cruelly by Eggman yet again.

Suddenly they heard a loud rustling in the bushes down the hill beside them.

Amy turned around “What was that?”  
Shadow ran over to inspect it, a standard procedure. Occasionally stray, discarded badniks were found wondering around at night. Most had been destroyed in the war, but some remained. Broken and damaged by the elements over time, not such a threat anymore- but it was always good to be safe.  
Shadow arrived below and scoured the dark landscape, no large red eyes jumped out at him but there was someone there, creeping, hiding, afraid.  
He saw an outline of huge spikes like his, as two huge green eyes stared at him in dread.

“Sonic?”

Shadow knelt down beside him, blocking out the whiny voices of the others asking him what was going on.  
“I’m not going to hurt you” he whispered calmly.  
Sonic seemed completely mute in fear of either the situation or being heard by the others, but he nodded.

“Come on, we should get you warm,” he reached out of Sonic’s hand, but the blue hedgehog pulled it away and shook his head.

Shadow thought for a minute- he was probably here for him or Tails, from his previous words it seemed like Eggman had villainised everyone who resided in Mobius. That was tough to work with. He couldn’t blow this sudden trust.

“Okay” he told Sonic, “wait here.”  
Shadow ran off, stopping to look back at where the hedgehog sat shivering in the wet grass. He realised something.

* * *

Eggman woke up from the most horrific nightmare. One where he did end up achieving complete world domination and ended up dying alone with absolutely no one but the soulless robots he’d spent his life replacing the intimacy of human relationships with. He sat for a moment in his post-dream despair, thinking of how that was a completely inevitable scenario at this point.

Even Sonic would leave him at some point if he didn’t break him enough, or the blue menace didn’t trust him enough.

Then he had an outrageous idea to temporarily ease his woes. Something he’d had planned for the following days, but the current situation made it seem much more urgent.

Benefits to having a being capable of chaos control hooked up to a bunch of monitors: it made it significantly easier to locate Chaos Emeralds.

Whilst Sonic had been resting, he and his robot crew had been doing just that; scouring the globe for signs of that wonderful energy. Sonic’s body always reacted in a certain way when they were close, even if he wasn’t aware of it, and it had taken him just a two days to complete. All seven. All while Sonic had been completely unconscious.

It wasn’t exploitative if Eggman was doing it for him, surely. Maybe Sonic would begin to engage again if Eggman could show him that he really was powerful, he could heal and destroy all at once.  
He got out of bed to grab the box from the hyper protected safe in the control room, then made his way to the infirmary.

He opened the door, drew back the curtain, expecting to see a very sleepy hedgehog- but there was nothing.

No. Not now.

Eggman rushed around the base trying to find any sign of Sonic.  
“Orbot! Cubot!” He ordered “find that rebellious pincushion!” They nodded obediently, and got to work right away, flailing their arms as the scoured the ship.

Then Eggman remembered the room. It was such a spur of the moment decision he’d totally forgotten he’d given sonic a room.

He rushed to the store room, and opened it aggressively.  
Nothing. Shit.  
Sonic really was gone.

“AGH! Why does everyone always leave me?!” Eggman screamed, grasping his head in frustration.  
“Probably because you psychologically torture them, sir.” Replied Orbot sarcastically, that was met by hefty blow from Eggman's boot.  
“FIND HIM! I don’t care what it takes” his bellowing echoed around the ship, “search every inch of this ship and that world until he is found!”

* * *

“Okay! I’m bored! You gotta go!” Shadow announced suddenly as he barged his way back into the scene.

Amy looked up from the conversation she been having with Knuckles.  
“Well that’s nice! Not like we’re discussing the massively important the rescue mission for our estranged friend!” She yelled.  
“What was there, Shadow?” Tails asked.  
“Nothing just a stupid squirrel.”  
“At this time of night?”  
“Yes. At this time of night!” Shadow hissed, a bit over the top. Tails narrowed his eyes.  
“What are you hiding?” He demanded.  
“Nothing! I just want to be alone now! Hard day!”  
“I don’t believe you!” Said Tails, getting closer to Shadow, not threatened by his height but still compensating for his own by standing tall.  
“Go and look then” Shadow resigned, throwing his arms in the air with frustration.  
“FINE!” Tails shouted as he flew off to do just that. Shadow followed, as well as the others.

When they got there, Tails signaled them to stay back as he looked behind the largest bush. He prepared himself, expecting -no- hoping to see his brother. His lost older brother desperate for help and love and-

“Nothing?” He gulped, as he looked at the empty tangle of branches and leafs.  
“Yep” Shadow confirmed, snarikily “you can go now!”  
Tails pressed his face up to Shadow’s, who frowned at him.  
“You think I wouldn’t tell you?” He growled.  
“I don’t know.” Tails spat, before flying away into the air, overtaking the others who followed in the same direction.

Shadow made sure they were far enough gone, and sped back up the hill to where the fire was starting to dim and turn mainly to ash. He frowned at it, stoking it with yet more sticks.

“You can come out now!” He called, summoning none other than a small blue hedgehog from the cave.

Shadow watched at he limped, using the wall for support the whole time. He ran over and offered an arm to help but Sonic refused, simply shaking his head whilst clenching his eyes shut.  
Just then, Shadow caught sight of what was causing all this. The gauze wrapped around the hedgehog’s stomach concealing the stab wound Tails had told him about between sobs. He ushered Sonic to sit down, looking concerned at his sweaty pale form lit up slightly by the fire.

“You look like hot garbage,” said Shadow, as Sonic sat himself carefully on a blanket that was laid down. He rubbed his side and tried to hide the pain, but Shadow saw right through him.  
“Hey, you need me to take a look at that?” He offered. Sonic delivered him paranoid look, raising his hand in the air gesturing Shadow to stay back.  
Shadow raised his hands for Sonic to see as he walked over.  
“I wont touch you, just undo the dressing and I’ll look, just look, no touching- I promise” he said as he sat next to the injured hedgehog, who gulped and tensed at the lack of distance.  
Shadow thought fast, “Here!” He grabbed a half empty mug that was abandoned on the side.  
“It’s just tea” he said, as he handed it to Sonic, who spent a while deciding if it was a safe rout to go through. Clearly his thirst outranked his paranoia, and he accepted it, taking a small sip at first- then upon realising just how much he needed it, glugged it down until the mug was empty.  
Shadow smiled “You want some more?” Sonic just nodded silently again.  
“I’ll boil some fresh stuff for you” the offer was met with a small smile, which Shadow returned as he got up to prepare it.

And then something completely unexpected to the both of them happened.

“Your name’s Shadow” Sonic rasped suddenly, Shadow turned back around in shock, to see an equally disturbed hedgehog with his hands to his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoo I couldn’t remember what happened with the chaos emeralds after they got rid of the metal virus and i skimmed some issues but couldn’t find anything. So idk im just assuming they’re scattered again. Sorry if im wrong.


	5. The Fury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang gets mad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look at that gamers, we’re 1/4 of the way through. This chapter concludes part 1! Can’t believe Sonic the Hedgehog fucking dies in this chapter. Anyway yeah this one is literally the most angsty shit ever, absolutely nothing positive happens. Next chapter, maybe something good will happen but who knows (me)

Needle was starting to like this hedgehog. Something about him was just nice- he looked threatening and intense, but there was an innate goodness in his soul. And he was smart.

He started to trust what he had said about being friends before Needle had lost everything- Blaze had treated him with the same compassion, it was only Ivo who didn’t

Maybe this was it. Maybe Shadow was the answer.

_SHADOW! THAT WAS IT!_

“Your name is Shadow” he gasped, his sore vocal chords now slightly lubricated from the tea suddenly blurted out.

The dark hedgehog, Shadow, turned to him in shock. He ran over and knelt back down in front of him.  
“Yes!” His face was bright and welcoming, “Yes! My name is Shadow!”

Needle crept back, he was much too close, the sudden movement triggered his flight response. He stuttered, about to speak again, but instead coughed violently into his bandaged hand.

“Sorry,” Shadow said, stepping back, noting the boundary breech. “I did tell you my name the other day when we fought” he started as he prepared the kettle and the ingredients, “did you forget?”

Needle messed with the dirt between his fingers “Yeah” he responded, in a small voice.  
“It’s okay. I understand,” Shadow said, turning to see how Needle was shivering violently.  
“Hey, let’s take a look at this thing,” he said, more strict this time, gesturing towards the bandaged wound, “that’s gonna take some time to boil anyway.”  
Needle considered it for some time. He was starting to trust Shadow, but part of him remained wary.  
“Please. It’s clearly painful. I can help if it’s infected.”  
Needle looked him in the eyes, finally a pair he could actually manage to stare into. They were red and should’ve been angry and stern but they were just warm and calm and exactly what he needed to see at a time like this.  
“Okay,” he agreed eventually, laying back and unraveling the gauze slowly.

He avoided looking at it himself, electing to instead watch Shadow’s face, partially lit up by the firelight. Shadow bit his lip, raised his brown in worry, then looked up to Needle’s face.  
“It’s infected, yeah” he said, “can I....ugh, look, it’s gonna be really hard to treat this if you wont let me touch you!” He resigned.  
The thought filled Needle with dread. He still wasn’t sure why touch was so terrifying, something made him think he was more concerned for the other person than himself. In his darker moments, he’d sworn he saw a glistening grey metallic substance coating his hands, freezing them slowly, but there was always nothing there. Plus he’d been touched many times, Ivo must have had to in order to stitch him up, and he’d been okay. Maybe Shadow would be too. He took another few moments to weigh out the pros and cons, until eventually coming to a conclusion.  
“Uh, okay...” he said quietly “but please be quick.”  
Shadow nodded his head, as he went over to get the tea from the fire, just as the kettle started whistling.  
“Good thing about this tea- it’s multipurpose. It has honey and ginger, all this is really good for disinfection,” he smiled to himself as he poured it into teacups, and then the rest into a bowl.  
“Let me go and get a cloth,” he continued getting up and walking towards the cave entrance.

It was just Needle and his thoughts now, alone with the darkness, the owls, the nighttime wildlife. He felt safe for once, it would’ve been perfect if not for the chills that were starring to ache his muscles. He closed his eyes for a second, hoping to momentarily ease his dim but persistent headache, but suddenly he heard footsteps coming from around the forest. He panicked, opening his eyes wide. There was someone there, coming through the trees.

Needle forced himself to stand up on his tired legs, it took a concerning amount of effort not to let them buckle beneath him.

A small figure entered the clearing, face dimly lit with the dying flames. He recognised this person, the fox from Spiral Hill. He stared in fear, trying to come up with a plan.

But he was already exposed.

And the fox was already staring at him, eyes wide, mouth open.

“SONIC?” he gasped, coming over to where he stood. Needle anxiously moved backwards but it was too fast an action for his body, and he collapsed to the floor. The fox sat in front of him quickly, observing him, checking him over.

“Tails!” Shadow called, running out from the cave, without a cloth.

_Without it. **Without it!**_

Had he even intended to get one in the first place? He’d obviously lied about not telling anyone, and now the fox was here. Was he here to take him away? Ivo had been right about them all along!

“You lied!” Needle cried desperately, at exactly the same time as the fox.

Shadow looked panicked, looking between the two of them awkwardly.

“I didn’t!” He called, reaching a hand out to Needle from a distance, as the blue hedgehog got back up to start pelting through the forest “NO!” He heard Shadow call after him.

He’d been so stupid. So so so massively stupid. He knew he couldn’t trust anyone, he’d been told countless times by Ivo how much these people had hurt him, how they would take him and do it again, and it was all true. How awful of him to question this, to question his surrogate father’s loyalty and care.

Ivo had given him everything. A warm bed, food, even stitched up his wounds. And what had he done in return? Disappointment him, question him, run away from him.

His head was getting lighter, his legs were exhausted and his wound was now seething with agony. He needed to stop, but he was sure Shadow and the fox were following him, he could hear their cries.

Suddenly Needle fell headfirst into the dirt at high speed, landing literally meters away from the edge of a steep hill. It was a close one. The sudden movement made the wound burn as the now undone stitches tore the flesh further. He cried out, unable to stop the noise escaping. Shaking, he looked over to see a tree root sticking out of the branch. That had done it. Tripping over a tree branch would be the thing that got him captured again- how pathetic.

Rustling and shouting came from the near distance. They were calling his other name, the name they would use to humiliate and hurt and dehumanise him. Not anymore. He wouldn’t make this mistake again.  
He tried to get up, but his arms seemed to lose all capacity to lift his own weight, his body ached too much to move. He attempted crawling, but there was no way he could outrun them like this.

With nowhere else to go, there was only one option left.

He hoisted himself over to the hills edge, curled himself into a ball, and took off- just hoping for a soft landing.

* * *

They ran for hours, scouring every inch of the forest. Tails occasionally running out of breath but sobbing through it- desperate to find his brother. They eventually met again in a clearing, both exhausted as the sun started to rise and shone through the tops of the trees. Shadow knelt down catching his breath.  
  
”He’s gone.” He huffed, emptily.

“What the hell!” Tails shouted, his eyes filled with tears. “How could you do that!? How could you lie?!”  
“I had to! I had to to keep him and everyone else safe!” Shadow roared back, completely done with being patient anymore.  
“He might have trusted me, Shadow, he was gonna let me help him back in Spiral Hill! Before he-“  
“Ran away? Yeah before he ran away. So he didn't trust you, did he?”  
Tails turned around and kicked a tree, a pathetic attempt to release his anger in comparison to what Shadow was capable of, but he didn’t care what Shadow thought. He was furious. After several embarrassing releases of anger, he pressed his head against the bark in resignation.

“Why? Just why would he go to you?” He sobbed, sinking down to the dirt. Shadow held himself protectively.  
“Is that what this is about?”  
“No! -Yes?! I don’t know!” Tails cried as he punched he tree again, “he’s my brother and he goes to YOU? You’re not even FRIENDS!”  
“Tails, he’s not well! He’s not your brother, not right now!” Shadow shouted, frustrated at how binary Tails was looking at the situation. He was supposed to be a scientist. He was supposed to know that people’s brains were more complicated than that.  
“Of course he’s my brother! He’s always my brother! I don’t care how messed up he is or how much bad stuff he’s done! I love him so much and he’s always, always, always my brother!” Tails crouched hunched in on himself. Shadow watched for a minute, rethought his error, and sat beside him, letting the fox cry for a moment.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that” he said, realising that even if Tails was this crazy smart inventor, emotions and actions from a personal perspective were always more difficult to understand. Tails didn’t reply, so Shadow elaborated.  
“It’s difficult. I know what it’s like to lose someone, but I also know...what it’s like to lose yourself, to be scared of who you are or who you might be. I just, I know I can help him with that. And I think he does too,” Shadow looked up at the morning sun blazing down on him through the pine trees, he saw something, it was fast, but familiar.  
Suddenly he stood up, keeping his eyes fixed on the small blue figure he saw darting through the sky. Tails looked up to see what Shadow was watch, he notice it too and uttered, “Metal.”

* * *

The sunlight burned his eyes, Needle groaned, simultaneously wishing it would go down to relieve the sting, but also wanting it to stay and rise even more to warm up his freezing body, that felt numb other than the throbbing pain in his side.  
He groaned, trying to shift, but it was completely useless. With a mighty excursion of effort, Needle lifted a hand to check the wound. He hissed through his teeth as the slightest touch rattled his nerves. It was wet and hot. Needle relaxed his muscles, leaned back, and heaved.

“DEATH: IMMINENT” sounded a cold robotic voice beside him.  
Needle rolled his head weakly to the other side to see that creepy metal counterpart that he’d occasionally seen around Ivo’s ship.  
Needle wanted to reply something snarky, but his mind spun so fast be began to feel motion sickness just laying there. He closed his eyes as an aggressive cough wracked his body. Nothing worked anymore, as the robot had said, death was definitely imminent.

Then he was scooped up unexpectedly by sharp metal arms. Needle gritted his teeth with the movement as the tender wound was irritated further. He cried a little, just wishing he was somewhere warm and safe.

The robot shot into the air, holding Needle close, who curled up, clutching the soulless metal hoping for it to register in his foggy brain as something comforting.  
It didn’t.

* * *

“DOCTOR” Metal said, walking through the chaos that was the ship that morning. Eggman hadn’t slept, instead ordering every robot to scoure the earth for Sonic, he had even flown the ship around the globe at least twice.

Eggman looked over to his metal son, to see Sonic hunched in his arms, shaking and in even worse shape than before.

“Metal!” He exclaimed joyfully, “I know I can always relay on you! Good work!” he scooped Sonic from the robots arms into his own as Metal gave a thumbs up.  
“‘Atta boy!”

He rushed Sonic back to the infirmary, the hedgehog was burning up and frighteningly light in his arms.  
“Hold on” he said, laying him down, hooking him back up to the monitors with quick fingers .

“Elevated heart rate, temperature 106 degrees. Shit.” he mumbled to himself, fixing up an oxygen mask, and placing it over Sonic’s face as he opened his eyes slightly.  
“Needle, I need you to hold on, I know it hurts” he said, assessing the damage.

The wound was swollen and yellow, it stretched further than it had before. He was also covered in blood and bruises, as if he had fallen dramatically from a great height. He had a nasty head wound that Eggman prayed was just on the surface. But the shaking became even worse as the examination progressed, Sonic’s limbs jolted randomly- his body seized as he cried out, muffled beneath the mask.  
“Come on!” He said, as he wired up the painkillers, followed by the antibiotics. The convulsions seemed to stop as the hedgehog fell into a drug induced sleep.

Eggman worked, disinfecting, cleaning, everything to keep the hedgehog alive.  
Sonic was close to death, his heart beating artificially, his kidneys on the brink of giving up. There was no way he would’ve survived another hour out there in the cold morning air- thank god Metal had found him when he did.  
When he was stable again, Eggman looked him over. It was unlikely he’d bounce back from this absolutely fine, luckily there was other ways around that.

* * *

  
Needle breathed in uncomfortably when he woke up, he couldn’t moved his body, or even feel it- he panicked. Forcing his eyes open and trying desperately to check.  
He was there again, the ship’s hospital. Had everything been a dream?

He felt so hot, unbearably so.

“A pretty botched escape plan, I have to say!” Ivo said, it felt like he was miles away. His vision was doubled, but Needle saw him. He blinked, trying to clear it- but nothing improved.  
He tried to speak but absolutely nothing came out, his chest burned on the inside.

“You need to take it easy- we lost you for a second there.”  
What? What did that mean?  
He kept groaning and trying to test his limbs. Did they just not work anymore? Was this it forever?

“You need to calm down!” Ivo ordered, his voice still a hazy distant ringing in Needle’s ears. “You’re safe. The infection is intense but it will pass, Needle.” he soothed. ‘It will pass’ those words were good words. Made him relax a little, enough to sleep for a while.

It felt like an endless cycle- waking up there every so often, like being stuck in limbo. If he did (or tried to do) what Ivo asked- he ended up here. When he mustered up the courage to go against the strict rules it only lead to more pain, and this place.

At least this time, he thought, to Ivo’s advantage, there was absolutely no way for him to make a break for it. He lay in the same position for almost two whole days, too drained to do anything but dwell on his failures as Ivo ranted and screamed at him about how much of a selfish brat he was, ungrateful, stupid, moronic, etc etc. At first it had worked, Needle felt the awful dread constantly, the shame, the embarrassment, the self loathing- but as every insult became background noise, it became meaningless. Just words. Eventually he paid it no mind.

The days passed hazily, he dived back into reality for a moment to find that Ivo was talking to him again. No. At him. He didn’t respond, not because he couldn’t, he just didn’t want to. He stared blankly ahead, not listening.

“Are you even listening?” Ivo asked, creeping into his line of vision.

The cannula up his nose was annoying. The beeps of the machines were annoying. Ivo was annoying. Everything was just annoying.

“Needle!” Ivo bit the words in his mouth like a a stick of disgusting old gum he couldn’t wait to dispose of.  
Needle rolled his eyes as he turned towards the stroppy man, “What?” He croaked, otherwise completely un-phased.

“I said, I have something for you!”

Oh great, what was it? A medically induced coma so he didn’t have to put up with this nonsense anymore?  
But Needle just hummed in response. His energy was limited as his body used every resource to heal itself. At least he was lucky to have that excuse.

Ivo left for a second, music to his ears! But after a few moments, tragically re-entered, holding a large chest.

“This will make you feel a lot better!” Ivo announced, disturbingly sure of himself. Needle didn’t like this.  
Ivo opened it, facing towards Needle, the moment the box cracked open, an array of shining colourful lights shone through, reflected off 7 emeralds. It was beautiful, more than visually- it made him feel instantly mentally clear, lightweight, safe. Suddenly he could sit up without his stomach protesting his move. His arms regained strength as he felt the rim if the box curiously.  
“These are the Chaos Emeralds. Do you remember them?”  
Needle shook his head.  
“I keep telling you how powerful you are and I want to to show you how,” Ivo grinned, Needle frowned at him. “How long have you had these?” He asked skeptically.  
“Oh, just a couple of days!” Ivo replied, trying to waft off any questions for specifics as if that would awaken something in Needle. Unfortunately, it did anyway.  
“And you didn’t tell me? If these can help heal me you....you just let me sit here and rot in my own thoughts and your own idiotic babbling for days?” Needle’s voice and energy had returned all too suddenly. And he would never have said that out loud if it hadn’t been for the charge he felt from the emeralds. He watched a bead of sweat drip down Ivo’s brow.

“I needed you to learn your lesson. You can’t just run away from me. It’s not your choice to make!” He snapped, suddenly furious once again.  
“No! No!” Needle suddenly yelled, the sickness was still present in his body but somehow he had the ability to not let it bother him.

“You are the one who is dangerous! YOU have made me distrust EVERYONE! They’ve tried to help me! I would’ve been fine if-if-“ he was starting to become hysterical, the energy from the emeralds started to circulate his body and radiated off him, making his anger impossible to contain, he shook as it pulsed through him. “IF YOU HADN’T FILLED MY HEAD WITH YOUR LIES! IF YOU’D LET ME BE FREE! EVERYTHING WOULD’VE BEEN OKAY!” He screeched. His voice no longer sounding like his own.

Through his burning hot, tear filled eyes, he saw Ivo trembling pathetically, complete cowardice. He was just a coward, not a father figure, not a genius, he was pathetic. He needed Needle to protect him, not the other was around. Finally he could see clearly, the power was glorious, euphoric!

“NEEDLE! Calm down! You’re still sick!” Ivo pleaded. But Needle was done with the manipulation, the terror, the torture.  
“YOU LET ME SIT HERE IN PAIN FOR TWO DAYS WHEN YOU COULD’VE HELPED!” he roared.  
“No! You weren’t ready! And you still aren’t!” He panicked, running out of Needle’s line of vision and-  
it was sudden. Needle turned around to Ivo. The life support he’d been hooked up to for days was off. Ivo grabbed the IV and yanked it out.  
It stung in his chest, his body losing function quicker than he thought possible. Needle laughed manically as the pain began to set it, but he didn’t care. The knowledge that he could so easily crush this awful man was all he could think about.

“You think that’s enough?”

Ivo smiled widely, “Who, me? YOU’VE not even tapped into Chaos Control yet and you’re already acting like you’re indestructible!”

Needle’s body caught up with itself, the residue energy that had previously been healing, now it was now starting to crush him from the inside out. Without the basic bodily functions to keep him alive as normal, he was not strong enough to hold it. He collapsed back onto the bed, gasping for air. His lungs burned, he began hacking uncontrollably, every breath stung.  
“Ivo-“ he wheezed, as Ivo suddenly held him, “what are you doing to me?”

Ivo was scared, he could feel it, he was no longer hypersensitive with the power of the emeralds but he could still sense it.

“I can’t let you do this, you’ll destroy everything, you’re not ready!”

“You’re- y-you’re....k-killing m-me...” Needle riled, the medication no longer endlessly numbing him from the pain, making his whole body nothing but an empty fleshy lump of agony. He coughed and coughed, the air around him felt like thick tar.

“It’s okay, it’s okay” Ivo soothed, as Needle slowly choked to death in his own lungs, “you’ll be fine. I’ll fix you up soon, I just need you to learn. That’s why I do this to you, because I care about you.”

Needle’s world sank into nothingness.

* * *

Eggman broke away to see Sonic’s eyes rolling back into his skull, his skin ghostly pale.

“Oh shit!” He gasped, “okay, too much!” he held Sonic’s head. “Hey, Needle?”

Nothing.

Eggman fumbled about with the machine again, switching it on, oxygen started to pump through the cannula again but Sonic remained limp.

“Come on, come on!” Eggman yelled, shaking Sonic’s head aggressively.

Then his eyes suddenly lay themselves back on him. The hedgehog said nothing, not even a groan, he just watched as Eggman yelled in victory, before the machine once again began to beep wildly.

“No, no, no!” Eggman stressed. He’d really done it this time, Sonic’s body had been too wrecked by the untamed Chaos Energy to fight back, even with the support. Once again he hedgehog began to visibly struggle. There was now only one option left.

Eggman glared at the Chaos Emeralds, then back at the dying hedgehog. It was tough. If he gave Sonic the emeralds, he would heal, and he would be mad, and probably kill him.

If he didn't, and elected to instead simply let Sonic die, he’d have not only that rascal kid out of his moustache hair, but also he’d get away with anything with no trouble! Besides from maybe that pathetic excuse of a ‘resistance’. It seemed too good to be true.

But where he laid eyes on Sonic, where he lay too weak to even speak, it felt like a not so easy decision. The life was leaving him, and he couldn’t even vocalise the pain that was evident from his bloodshot eyes that glared at him in desperation.

He was too young for this.

Eggman sighed, “Needle” he said, “focus on the emeralds, find their power again,” Eggman moved them over on to the bed, Sonic’s eyes followed as his chest rose and fell at random, sporadic intervals.

“You can do it!” he encouraged, resting a hand on Sonic’s shoulder that was as always quickly wafted away...wait...

It was working!

“You have to focus, focus in how the emeralds make you feel!” Eggman kept saying, “it will cure you, you’re strong enough, please!” He hated how he sounded, begging for his bitter rival to cling to life.

* * *

Needle cried suddenly as soon as he had enough energy to make a noise. He couldn’t do what Ivo asked, it hurt too much, the energy he absorbed was overwhelming, he couldn’t breathe.  
“It will cure you, Needle, after this, once you find the goodness in it. Come on! Focus.”  
Needle tried, he searched the air for that strengthening energy again, and when he found it it slipped from his grasp. He kept coughing, the energy too immense to hold onto. He tensed, crying through it, loud, terrified.

* * *

Eggman wrestled with the thrashing hedgehog in the hospital bed. Why was it so hard for him to tap into chaos control? He’d done it hundreds of times before?

Oh.  
No he hadn’t.

Sonic had done it hundreds of times before. Needle was new, Needle only arrived a few weeks ago. He had no idea what to do with the energy. He was not a master of chaos.

“Needle, Needle! I need you to listen to me!”  
Needle etched his eyes open and looked at him, drained of their colour.

“Think positive thoughts!”

Needle wheezed “I-I do-on’t h-have any”  
“You do! Come on, think of all our good times!” He couldn’t lose him again.  
“We haven’t had any....g-good times. You’ve kept me as a prisoner.....a-and....and lied to me!” He hissed, his voice getting stronger slowly. The mystic energy started to dance around him. Eggman draw his hands away, noticing how the thrashing had turned to fighting. He had once again become stronger so quickly.  
“Yes it’s working!” Eggman shouted.  
Needle stared at him, this body engulfed in the Chaos Energy, but something was off about it. It wasn’t golden, it was green and purple, and it didn’t glow off him, it fizzed like static.

“Needle?”

Sonic got up off he bed, staring down at Eggman with malicious intent. He tore the life support off suddenly without even wincing.

And the out of the blue, Eggman felt the crash of the wall behind him, the crack of his back. He cried out at the shock and intensity of it all.

“I’m through with your games Ivo!” Sonic bellowed, his voice stern yet coated with mania. Eggman looked up at him. He was dark purple, surrounded by that green buzzing energy. His eyes were pupil-less and pointed in a way not too dissimilar to Shadow’s.  
Eggman gulped.

_Negative chaos._


	6. The Destruction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang goes absolutely batshit fucking feral

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter because i have a specific reason for wanting to hit 18 but with the rate im going my fic will be done in much less than that (the same word length though). Might keep it to shorter updates, I’m not sure!

It was like absolutely nothing he’d ever felt before. Every single time he had specific feelings, he knew them- even if their context was buried deep in his scattered mind along with everything he knew about his life. But this was unique, ethereal. Something about the cold way the energy held him was comforting- like it didn’t matter that he was lost and distraught, the Chaos would always be there for him now, to hold him close and be his only friend.

He let out a roar of laughter, his mouth stretched into a smile he hadn’t experienced in a long time, putting the dormant muscles to good use. Needle looked at Ivo, cowering, shaking, pleading- perfect. His distant begs were just a sweet background melody as he carried out his destruction. His revenge. He deserved this.

“Soni- Needle! Please! Snap out of it” he heard Ivo cry. Needle charged over and punched the wall so hard it burst open a hole in the ship. The wind gust through the room as Needle used it to his advantage, blasting with nothing but brutal powerful energy, making it burn, letting the wind spread the fire all around the room in no time at all.  
Those flames again. Those gorgeous flames. So out of control but elegant and destructive and calming. They were just like him.

“I only did this to save you! You need to stop! You wont be able to cope wi-“  
Ivo’s voice was cut off as Needle tightly grabbed him by the throat, smashing him against the wall. Ivo choked, Needle continued laughing, then his voice faltered into an agonised rage  
“You keep saying that! You keep telling me that! Ha!” he sounded crazy, but he loved letting the anger take the wheel “WHY DO YOU KEEP LYING TO ME?” He shrieked.  
Ivo’s face was red, no noise left him other than the struggled gags. Mercifully, Needle released, as Ivo gasped for air, Needle swiftly stood on his chest, hard, making it difficult again, he pressed his foot until he heard the crack of a rib, and Ivo cried again.  
“I just - I needed you-“  
“YOU USED ME! YOU HURT ME!”  
“yes- I’m sorry- I-“ crack, Needle put even more pressure on.  
“Stop!” yelled Ivo, “this isn’t you! You’re not like this!” He begged.  
Needle was sick of hearing the same empty words over and over again.

“I’m done with you, little man!” He spat as he yanked Ivo up by the collar, not even phased by the fact he was now suddenly floating.  
“L-listen! You’re Sonic the Hedgehog! You’re not Needle!” He was silenced as Needle threw him back to the ground, Ivo coughed up blood, then dragged himself back over to face him “I’m Eggman. You hate me, but you’d never do this!”  
It triggered something in Needle’s head, images started to pour into it, ones he already new but refused to acknowledge.

That name. That stupid name everyone kept saying. That reflection he kept seeing in the mirror of that stupid hedgehog and his stupid face. That hedgehog was dead. He died when the shattered parts of him had been used as a weapon to tear apart Needle’s guts in a dark alleyway.

“I’M TIRED OF YOU TELLING ME WHO I AM!” Needle cried, clenching his eyes shut, the windows smashed at the volume. The voice again sounded foreign. Like an intruder was occupying in his mind and repeating what he said at the exact same time. Was that him, was that Sonic? Did he live inside Needle?

“AHHH!” he cried, in despair, as the flames engulfed Ivo from his vision, who’s bloodied face stared at him, sadly.

Needle collapsed onto his knees, and covered his head with his arms.  
“Make it stop!” he called, to no one, “I just want it to stop!”

Then he was grabbed, unexpectedly, and thrown back to the ground.  
“PROTECT DOCTOR EGGMAN”, that blue metal robot again. Needle screamed as he went for him, moving faster than he ever had in his life.  
“I hate you! I hate you! I hate you, Sonic the Hedgehog!” He screamed, bashing Metal in every single direction until he was significantly battered.  
Then he darted from the room, knowing Metal followed close behind. The fire tore through the ship, badniks burst at the heat pressure, windows smashed, the ship fell. Needle made a run for the door.

He shot out, continuing to hover in the air, but Metal caught up to him, grabbing his feet, stabbing his sharp metal hands into the skin.

And the best part? It didn’t even hurt.  
The power continued to protect Needle, he lashed at Metal, cutting him back with his raw speed alone.

He laughed hysterically as the ship crashed dramatically into the earth below.  
“Protect Eggman, huh?” He snarled, wrestling back Metal’s counter attack. He was a match no doubt, but a lousy, easily defeated one.

Metal looked down at the exploding ship, then back at Needle.

“PROTECT EGGMAN” he said again, as he shot down towards it.

Needle laughed. It was hilarious how even machines were so driven by emotions. Needle didn’t have to worry about that anymore, he wasn’t going to let emotions get in his way again. He wasn’t going to let anyone in, and he wasn’t going to let anyone out. Not Chaos. Not Sonic. This was his power now, he deserved it, and he wasn’t going to let it go.


	7. The Crash

A mighty crash rumbled through the night the seemed to shake the earth at its vey core.

Tails bolted upright from his already disturbed and unsatisfying sleep. He hadn’t slept well since, well, he just hadn’t slept well, period.

Every night he’d spend at least 3 hours just staring at his door, as if expecting Sonic to just waltz in, completely fine.  
Or maybe he would stagger in in need of help, knowing Tails was trust worthy, even if he didn’t remember him fully yet.

That was it really- he didn’t even need Sonic to remember him anymore, he just wanted him safe physically- and everything else would come later.

The workshop rumbled. Machines crashed to the ground, the pots in the kitchen clashed noisily as the foundations whole building struggled to keep their footing.  
Tails’ darted from his bed immediately and ran outside, earthquakes were incredibly rare around there, especially huge ones like that. He gazed at the now smoke filled sky, and off in the distance he saw a bright orange light on the horizon.

It had to be something to do with Sonic, it had to. There was no time to waste, but he couldn’t go alone- he was brave but he wasn’t stupid.

Without a second thought, he flew towards Amy’s house, knowing she would be equally as willing to see what was going on. It wasn’t far, and it would be a miracle if she’d slept through that.  
And thankfully, she hadn’t.

“I heard it too,” she said, inviting Tails inside to where she and Tangle were sat sleepily on the sofa, “what do you think it is?”  
Tails sighed, “I dread to think, I came here 'cus I thought we’d better check it out. I-I didn’t wanna go alone, I kno-“  
“Good move. Think it’s best we all stick together these days. Not just for safety but for- ya' know,” she looked over to Tangle who was messing with her tail sadly “we’ve only go each other,” she concluded.  
Tails nodded “Let’s go,”  
“I’m coming too!” Tangle announced, immediately becoming alert to what was going on. Tails and Amy nodded.

* * *

It was nothing but a melted mass of metal and bolts and wires burning on the ground, it absolutely stunk of plastic and bust electrical circuits. Tails, Amy, and Tangle all coughed as they covered their mouths, and saw a dark figure seemingly drag his legs through the smoke. They bent their knees in preparation, battle ready looks of determination plastered across their faces.

“Get outta here!” Called a familiar voice from the obstructed figure It wasn’t Sonic.

Shadow emerged, looking disheveled.

Their faces dropped, and Amy immediately ran over to help him, but he only pushed her away.  
“Shadow, what happened?” She asked pretending not to be bothered by his hasty rejection of her attempts to help. Shadow coughed, clearing his lungs of the toxic fumes.  
“I don’t know. I sensed- I sensed it. The Chaos Energy-" he fell to the floor, Tails ran over, kneeling down to face him.  
“Is he in there still?” The young fox panted, Shadow just looked sadly at him, and shook his head.  
“I don’t know. I ran in to check but-" another cough “-nothing. There was nothing.”  
Tails kept staring at Shadow, who held his gaze for a while, unsure of what to do or how to feel.  
“I don’t know, Tails, I just don’t know.”

Tangle and Amy listened on in disbelief. Sonic couldn’t be dead, no way, that didn’t happen.

Tails turned around to face the ocean, away from the smoke and flames, he saw them reflected in the water, dancing around his faded silhouette.  
He felt utterly hopeless, empty. This couldn’t be it. No way was it flashy enough an exit for his brother, even if he did blow up a whole ship in the process.

He sat on the sand for a moment, trying to process things, when he spotted it.

Or... him.

In the sky, floating, glowing, but something was wrong. That was no ordinary Super Sonic.

“Shadow!” He yelled, urgently.  
Shadow forced himself up to join Tails with a grunt, looking where the fox pointed.  
“It’s him” Shadow confirmed “and that-" he swallowed anxiously “ that’s negative chaos.”

* * *

Tails flew as up to the sky fast as he could, fighting the midnight ocean breeze, trying desperately to catch up to Sonic. The hedgehog spotted him soon enough, and laughed awfully. Tails had never heard a noise like that come from his brother, not even recently. The dark form of Sonic zoomed passed him, hitting Tails out of the air so fast he couldn’t even process the pain or the fall before he felt Shadow’s arms holding him.

“You’re being foolish!” Shadow said sternly, “We can’t fight him like this! It’s not even!” But Tails didn’t care. As soon as he got his barings, he bolted out of Shadow’s grasp and aimed for Sonic again.  
“TAILS! YOU’LL DIE UP THERE!” He called back, but Tails blocked it out keeping his eyes once again locked on the menacing creature that had replaced his caring and level headed brother. It was still him in there, somewhere, and Tails didn’t care what it took anymore, he just needed him back.

“Sonic! Listen to me! Please listen!” He yelled. But suddenly Sonic’s arms were grasped around him, flying him sharply to the ground so fast Tails knew there was no chance he’d make it.  
“I love you!” He cried, tears streamed from his eyes as he tightly clutched the brother he’d take a bullet for if he had to, who was now plunging him towards certain death.

Then suddenly they were thrown off course, Tails was unleashed from Sonic’s arms and fell freely through the air- with only a few seconds to acknowledge it and use his tails to get back up. Thankfully he managed, and flew up to see Sonic and Shadow wrestling in the air. The chaos energy was passing to Shadow the more he came into direct contact with Sonic.

* * *

“You have to let this go!” Shadow called, wrestling Sonic’s lame attempts at punching. He felt the energy coursing through him- it was corrupted and uncomfortable, and much too familiar. He had to convert it to positive energy quickly before it took hold of him. Shadow endured the task of fighting the ferocious hedgehog whilst filling his head with thoughts of good things, beautiful things, thing that filed Shadow's closed off heart with even the tiniest glimmer of hope:

Maria, as always. Her trusting face, the short life he’d had with her and how her honor kept him going strong.  
The energy became golden and warm in Shadow’s soul, but Sonic’s remained dark and cold, he felt it. It’s aura was manic and disturbed and deeply, deeply sad.

“Let go of the Emeralds, Sonic!” Shadow pleaded, finally getting ahead of him. The words seemed to charge Sonic with even more fury.  
“STOP CALLING ME THAT!” his voice scratched against his throat “I AM NOT HIM!"

The anger was so strong, and then something became viscerally obvious- Sonic was afraid to let it go. He was afraid of what he was doing right now, afraid of what he’d done, of who he really was.

“You’re going to be okay! You have to let it go, you will still be safe if you let it go!” Shadow pleaded, suddenly stopping, letting Sonic catch up to him, and, as he started to beat and destroy, Shadow just held him close, enduring the usually deadly spin-dashes and punches and the corrupted energy that hurt to engage with.

“LET ME GO!” he fought “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

Shadow just held on, and didn’t say a word.

* * *

Needle was split, well and truly split. Some part of his brain felt the other hedgehog’s golden embrace, warm and safe, and cried. The tears were falling, but Needle’s mind was not in sync, he didn’t feel the sadness, but he knew it was there, buried deep.  
This couldn’t continue. It was unsustainable.

He closed his eyes, ignoring the tears, and focused his energy into one place, heating it, fueling it with his raw anger.

He saw the creature inside him, or felt it. It was nothing but a shadow- ironic. He called upon it to unleash hell, and it obliged.

“ **CHAOS** -” he screamed.

Suddenly Shadow let go, but it was too late.

“- **BLAST**!”

The world went dark as a mighty beam of energy exploded from Sonic’s body. Shadow flew backwards, unable to fight it. The tides below them parted and crashed like a tsunami onto the shore, immediately extinguishing the blazing ship.

Everything went dark.

* * *

Needle managed to get away unseen as the other Mobians recovered from the attack, if they’d even survived it. Something in the pit of his stomach really hoped they did. Whether that was out of compassion or the desire to keep toying with them to enact his uncertain revenge was unclear.

He was exhausted, he realised, as he landed on the floor of a damp forest, drenched with the rain of a storm he wasn’t sure he’d caused.  
The energy stabbed at his heart the longer he remained dormant. It was needy, like a stroppy toddler who needed constant attention, and when it didn’t receive it, it burned his insides. It was hard keep control of, and hard to keep going. His body ached from the pure power exerting from it, from the injuries he’d previously sustained, from the fight with Shadow. Though it healed him physically, it didn’t stop the pain existing.

“Please,” Needle whispered to himself as he trudged through the bog, “I just want to rest.”  
He fell to the ground, not caring that he was soaked and filthy, and yelped, as the energy sizzled in his head, rung in his ears. He clenched his fists in the soil.

_Just let it go._

“I can’t”

_Why can't you?_

“Because, I just can’t”

_What are you so scared of?_

“What are YOU so scared of?”

_I'm scared of water._

“That’s stupid!”

_You're acting like a child. We can fix this now if you let them go._

“But what if I don’t want to fix it? What if I want to be angry and upset and-“

_You CAN be angry and upset. You can be all those things. You just need to be safe to yourself and others, and them you can find other ways to handle the feelings._

“SHUT UP!”

_You can't just do this forever! You can't just pretend I'm not here! You can't keep pretending you don't know anything! You've been given so many answers and you've ignored them every time!_

“I’m- scared. I’m really scared!”

_Why are you scared?_

“I-I....I think I did something bad. And everyone hates me for it. And I can’t fix it”

_What did we do?_

“I don’t know!”

_Let's think about what we did._

“NO! STOP!”

Needle grabbed a stone from the ground and smashed it to his head, the blunt pain was awful but he could handle it.  
“DON’T YOU DARE! YOU’RE RUINING THIS FOR ALL OF US!” he screamed to no one, the rain pounding heavily down his face as he kept smashing his head so hard it no longer hurt.

_You're HURTING all of us!_

“I’LL KEEP DOING IT IF YOU DON’T STOP!”

Quiet.  
He was gone. Hidden back behind some repressed memory. Once again thanks to good old fashioned violent. Needle smiled as the blood and rain dripped down his face.

The power of the emeralds still buzzed inside him. He’d been still for too long. Time to keep going.


	8. The Trickster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang just fuckin loses it

Shadow made a nasty grumbling noise as he came around, greeted by the lashing rain of a thunder storm. He looked to his right, trying to catch up with himself, running over the events that had just unfolded. How long had he been out? It couldn’t have have been that long.

Tails, Amy and Tangle were still out cold beside him, he saw the rise and fall of their chests, they were still breathing. Good. Shadow forced himself up and ran over to the fox, anxiously shaking him until he made some kind of noise and opened his eyes slightly.

“You alright?”  
Tails grumbled, “I guess. Can still feel my limbs so- always a plus” he chuckled drowsily. Shadow helped Tails sit up, then went to help Amy and Tangle, who were also mostly okay. Nothing more than a couple of scrapes and maybe some minor concussions all around.

Shadow still felt the echo of the blast in every nerve. It was a weak one, barely any destruction had been brought by it other than a dramatic shift in the elements and a disorientating bang, but there was still no time to waste. He had to find Sonic again even if the others stayed behind. Sonic had figured out Chaos Blasts now, albeit shitty ones, but that was still a threat. He'd only get stronger from here.  
“Shadow!” Tails called, alerting the hedgehog from his internal dilemma.  
He shot his eyes towards where Tails pointed; something was running from the ship, its silhouette was unmistakable.

"Eggman" he grunted to himself.

“I’m gonna kill him!” Amy seethed, getting up, despite her ringing ears, speeding over to the disgraced scientist followed closely by the others.

“Eggman! Come here!” She bellowed, Eggman turned around for a moment. He wasn’t fast, why he even thought checking behind him would be a good idea when it only slowed him down even more was almost hilarious. What a buffoon, she thought.

When they were at a reasonable distance, Tangle reached her tail out and grabbed him harshly by the neck, dragging him through the wet mud.

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE EGGBUTT?” Amy screamed. Eggman ducked his head and squinted at her volume. Amy would have herself too, but she was too upset and too angry to care about that.  
“I-“ he hacked uncomfortably for a second “he just-“ he sighed “oh what the heck. Why even bother?” He slumped himself down rather pathetically in the mud.  
“What’s wrong? One of your ill-thought out plans evolve way beyond your realm of control again?” Shadow snapped, folding his arms and making sharp eye contact with the doctor.  
“Ugh, yeah, could say that.”  
“So-?” Tails joined in “you gonna tell us what you did to my brother? Or are we gonna have the pleasure of piecing it together ourselves?”  
Eggman, his face bloody and bruised, looked up in anguish. There was literally no point in hiding it- it was likely they’d already figured out most of what had happened. He took a deep breath, and gave up.  
“He arrived back here on earth a while ago, couple of weeks” he admitted “he couldn’t remember anything, not even his name, no one. I thought I could try and...”  
He was cut off by a very angry shadow “make him your slave? Manipulate him?”  
Eggman smiled anxiously at Shadow who was absolutely furious, “Uh, something like that!”

Tangle clenched her grip tighter around his neck. “What the hell is wrong with you, man?! Why won’t you just accept defeat and leave us alone!” She screamed as she kept pulling, Eggman started choking.  
“Tangle!” Tails shouted urgently, putting a gentle hand on her arm signaling her to ease her rage. It worked for a moment as she let out a deep breath and looked apologetically back towards Tails.  
“Sorry dude. I’m just....”  
“Filled with an absolutely insane amount of anger?”  
“Yeah. Something like that.”

Shadow looked as far as he could through the storm. Sonic was close, he could still feel it. He started to run in the opposite direction

“Shadow?! Where are you going?” Tails yelled after him.  
“I have to find Sonic, I think I know where he is!”  
“What do we done with Eggman?”  
“I don't know! Amy will figure it out!"

They turned to Eggman, who laughed nervously as the gang cracked their knuckles.

* * *

  
The city was dead, well, not literally. Not yet, soon it would be. For now, everyone just slept peacefully in their beds, unaware that a sadistic, insanely overpowered being was about to completely destroy everything they held dear.

_I don’t want to do this._

“You don’t have a choice.”

_We do have a choice. What if people we love live here?_

“If we loved them we’d remember it! You wouldn’t forget them so easily if you loved them!”

_That’s not fair! That can’t be how it works!_

“Now who sounds like a child?!”

_If we only remember people we love does that mean we love Shadow?_

“No you hate Shadow most of all. He betrayed us!”

_He was about to help us!_

“No he wasn’t! He was going to take us and keep hurting us like everyone here and that’s why....that’s why they’re not allowed to exist anymore.”

_What? So because use we don’t feel like we exist, everyone else must go away too? Is that it? We don’t feel real so we need to even out the battle field? What kind of logic is that?_

“I wouldn’t expect you to understand!”

_But I AM you!_

“I’m just trying to protect you!”

_...now who do you sound like?_

Needle clutched his head, digging his claws into the skin, begging the thoughts to stop.

“I’ve messed up. I’ve really messed up!” He sobbed to himself, before composing himself again as the threat of the energy began to crackle beneath the surface. Too much time wasted now.

Needle ran, ignoring the voices that screamed inside him him. There wasn’t just one, there were thousands. There was his, Sonic’s, Ivo’s, Shadow’s, the fox’s, so many it was unbearable. They were all judging his every move. All lying. But Chaos- the loudest despite never saying a word- Chaos was the only one he trusted. It never spoke but the comfort and assurance it provided was enough. The way it pulled his aching muscles to continue showed it cared. And it didn’t matter that it burned, it was still better than lies.

Needle let the Chaos rise him up to the thundering sky. He looked down at the city. It would’ve been beautiful if it wasn’t full of traitors and abusers and villains all tucked up snug in their beds. Time to change that.

Needle curled into a ball, and readied his body to blast the nearest skyscraper.  
He charged, in less than a second he could destroy an entire building; and he did. He watched as the windows imploded, the fire already starting to form from the bust electrics, the crash. The beautiful, beautiful crash. The glass shattered, he watched it rain it’s own personal sharp storm below.  
The shards filling the pavement reminded him of his own wound, he winced at the thought.

And then suddenly he was being dragged by the neck all the way to the ground.  
He landed with a crash on the concrete. Needle got quickly back up to see who the attacker was, he laid eyes immediately on none other than that blasted hedgehog again. Why wouldn’t he leave him alone?  
“I won’t let you do this.” Shadow said, the fire from the collapsing building reflected in his red eyes.  
Needle smiled, “and how do you plan on stopping me?”  
“The way you stopped me. With compassion, understanding,” he wiped his forehead, and revved himself up to charge “and brute force!” He shouted, as he grabbed Needle and pinned him to the ground, again absorbing the chaos energy and turning super himself, quickly converting it to it’s positive golden counterpart.

How did he do that?

Needle got back up easily, dashing to the other side of the road and accumulating enough energy to charge back.  
Shadow did to- they clashed. A mighty force bellowed from the impact. They both went flying.

Shadow shot through multiple buildings, Needle towards the sight of the collapsed skyscraper.

He looked down. Glass everywhere. It pierced him all over his body, but there was no blood and hardly any pain. He grinned, readying himself to finish Shadow off- when he was wacked hard on the head.

“This ends now!” Said a stern, high pitched voice.  
Needle groaned in annoyance and looked up to see a pink hedgehog wielding a huge hammer. She looked furious.  
“Who do you think you are?!” He sniggered, dusting himself off nonchalantly, and advancing towards her.  
She was pretending not to be afraid, but she was.

“I could ask you the same question!” She yelled, swinging her hammer threateningly, but Needle just laughed at her failed attempts to defend herself. Then, again, he was thrown back, landing brutally on the ground with a crack.

“Not cool!” Yelled a lemur, staring down at his bloody face, the awful smile still stretched across it.

“This is hilarious! You think you can actual-“  
Suddenly he groaned, as the small fox landed directly on his chest.

“I don’t want to hurt you bro!” He cried, his face scrunched unhappily “But you’re not making it easy here!”

“You think you’re the one in control here?” He panted, turning his wheezes into laughs again “you- you genuinely think” again, he was jolted backwards before he could finish the sentence. Shadow held him down facing the floor, debris and rubble falling into his mouth, choking him.

“What’s the matter? Tired?” Shadow mocked  
“No!” Needle shouted, in-convincingly. His breaths where haggard as his body trembled.

Too still. Need to break free.

“Eh, you look it- I would be. There’s nothing wrong with admitting defeat!” Shadow retorted, before he swiftly moved backwards as Needle forced himself up in a split send and ran at Shadow, who dodged every attack.  
“And it’s okay too, because holding on to Chaos this long is ridiculously dangerous!” He moved quickly out of the way as Needle stumbled forwards, tripping on his own legs. Needle turned to face him, wiping the blood from his lip.  
“As if there's a time limit on this, are you crazy?!” Needle snorted, the exhaustion evident now.  
“Well, there kind of is, especially with negative Chaos, especially with someone as small as you!” Shadow laughed.

Oh he would pay for that!

Needle charged at him again, but Shadow quickly kicked him across the head.  
“When it starts to run out of energy to convert, it takes parts of you, wears you down ‘till you’re nothing but a vessel for chaos itself!” he yelled.  
“Maybe I’m fine with that!” Needle screamed, finally getting the upper hand, flying up into the air and speeding back down, kicking Shadow to the ground, punching his face wildly.  
“You’re not a Master of Chaos, you dabble!” Shadow mocked between hits, “how many did it take you? All seven? Ha!” He didn’t fight back, simply letting Needle unleash the anger, grunting at the pain occasionally, but safe in his super form.  
“I only need one, and I couldn’t even hold on this long without my brain evaporating, so who knows what it’s doing to you!” He spat, though he looked concerned.  
The eyes, it was always in the eyes. He avoided looking at them, they held so much information he didn’t want to know- fearing what it might awaken in him if he looked too deep. But Shadow was a blank slate they didn’t tell him anything other than concern.

Needle stopped, and stared down at Shadow’s battered face, it stared back. What was the point of this speech? Was he trying to intimidate or trying to warn him?  
He remembered what Shadow had done, how he’d hurt him. The one real memory he had was Shadow hurting him. How could he believe these lies again? He wouldn’t let himself. Not anymore.  
He suddenly frowned, and grasped Shadow’s neck.  
“You’re not going to kill me” Shadow whispered through his constricted esophagus.  
“What makes you so sure?” Needle shrieked.  
“You’re letting me talk.... y-you could just c-chaos bla-ast me. But yo-u’re....doing this shit!” He rasped, smiling at Needle smugly.

_He’s right._

Needle released, suddenly sitting back, letting Shadow get up and calmly let go of Chaos, returning back to his original form.  
“Look, it’s easy,” he said gently, walking over to Needle who was shaking aggressively on the ground  
“It’s safer to let them go. We just want to help. Please.”

Needle considered for a moment. He still liked Shadow somehow, even after he lied. He seemed to understand, to care about him.

_What do we have to lose?_

“Everything!”

_What? What is everything?_

“We burned their cities we hurt their residents we trusted the wrong people and everyone got hurt. We....hurt them. And they’re....”

_...angry?_

“They’ll be so angry!”

“Sonic?” Shadow crouched to where Needle was hunched over, holding himself and muttering under his breath. The fire inside him was growing, spreading through his bloodstream like poison. He felt Shadow put a hand on him lightly, and stood up sharply in response, glaring back.

His eyes, that were once white and pupil-less, now had purple veins around the edges, and they were growing fast.

* * *

This was it. Chaos was taking over.

“It’s not too late! It’s not!” Shadow pleaded, his hand outstretched as Sonic flew into the air.  
“Fuck!” he cursed at himself, he wasn’t super anymore, he couldn’t follow so easily. He searched around anxiously for something to jump off.

“Nice work genius!” Tails called after him “now what? He’ll kill us!”

Shadow wanted to disagree but Sonic was too far gone, his soul was being corrupted, Chaos was pushed to the front of his mind. He needed something greater than a fight, greater than a simple ‘I get it’ and maybe he wasn’t the one for the job.

“Tails” he turned to the fox, “you’re up.”

* * *

Needle looked down once more at the havoc he’d created, the voice in his head, Sonic’s voice, was gone. It was just him now, him and Chaos.  
The wreckage was beautiful. The whole city was a mess of fire and rain and glass and-  
“AH” Needle clutched his scar, it stung when he looked at the shattered buildings.  
“No you don’t, Sonic” he mumbled, as he communicated with the being inside him, getting ready to end this, finally. “Chaos-“

_No._

He couldn’t do it.

One last blast with all he had could finish them all off for good. If he used all his energy, if he surrendered his entire body and gave it all, he could deliver it, his last act, then Chaos would burn inside him forever. It would be peaceful at last, but he just....couldn’t.

“Sonic!” Needle turned to his right. Above the tragedy of the night, the small fox flew beside him.  
“You don’t want to do this” he cried, desperately through the breeze. Needle listened.  
“I miss you. I miss my brother! I just want him to be safe and I want to take care of him, I want him to let this go!”  
Needle keep staring, curious, willing to listen as his soul felt like it was drowning, clinging to something comforting, familiar. Like- like this fox.

“Who is your brother?” He asked through wrecked vocal chords, “tell me about him.”  
“He’s called Sonic. He’s kind, and he’s smart and he’s” Tails was starting to tear up “he’s really, really funny. He’s always telling jokes and sometimes they’re, ha! They’re not even good!” He wiped his eyes and sniffed, whilst Needle kept staring, listening, he wanted to know more, just one last thing before he left forever.  
“W-what jokes?” He asked.  
“What?”  
“What jokes does he tell?”  
Tails looked stunned and gave a small laugh out of the utter absurdity of the situation. “One time h-he called Eggman...Baldy Nosehair!” he chuckled, looking at Needle. His eyes were so worried, not even afraid. Needle could kill him in seconds and he was just worried about his brother. Not himself.  
Needle smiled melancholily “That’s a shit joke!” he was crying too. The sadness wasn’t numb anymore, it was painfully obvious.  
“Yeah. Yeah it’s pretty shit!” They were both sobbing. Then for a minute, silence.

“T-tails...”

The fox looked up urgently, clearly surprised to hear his own name.  
“I’m so scared. I don’t know what’s real. I don’t know what’s lies and what’s not.”  
“It’s not that straight forward. People lie for all sorts of reasons. To stop people worrying, to create a false sense of security, to hide painful truths, but- what Eggman did, his lies, they were more than that. They were made to manipulated you and make you do things you’d never do, Sonic. You’re a good person. And you’ve made mistakes and dumb impulsive decisions, but you always, always mean well. And that's why I know you’re still there, because even in all this, even when you’re absolutely crazy with Chaos energy....you” he stopped, his crying turning into laughter again. Needle was beyond confused. What was so funny?  
“What?”  
Tails calmed down for a second to get the words out.  
“You targeted a building that was still under construction and didn’t have any people inside.”

Oh.

Needle joined in sadly as the fox erupted into fits.

The moment was short lived. It started again, the burning in his eyes, his brain. Chaos was so strong now. It hurt.  
Tails immediately stopped when he saw Needle struggling, clutching his head in his hands.  
“Sonic! Let it go!”  
Needle jolted backwards, screaming, the energy stabbed him, in every single square inch of skin and every single organ. But what would happen if it was just him, alone, powerless. How would he cope?  
“I-I can’t!”  
“You can! I know you can. It will hurt but I’ll catch you. I’ll make sure you get better!”  
He said it would hurt, no one had ever done that before. And then it occurred to him:  
Maybe pain was necessary. Important. Maybe the only way to be free was to accept the pain and guilt and heartbreak for what it was, that he couldn’t control everything, and that was-

“Okay.”

He released. The energy gushed out of him quickly, too quickly for his brain to process. It was like being slashed open all over again but much deeper and much much deadlier. Needle fell, he closed his eyes and drifted away as reality became too painful to be present in, but he felt comforted in the knowledge that Tails would catch him.

And he did.

* * *

Tails flew down, holding his brother close. The rain poured again, starting to put out the flames around him that were now also being tended to by the cities trustworthy fire department.  
He returned to the ground, and lay his brother on the wet pavement near the others.

Sonic was blue again, other than strange green and purple scars that covered his fur like the shadows of veins.

Shadow patted Tails on the back.  
“You did good,” then he knelt down to Sonic, assessing his condition. He shivered in his sleep, but nothing more.  
“Let’s get him home.”


	9. The Remanence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gang suffers even more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo my sweet homedogs. Sorry I haven't updated this in a hot sec I am overworked as hell rn and got a bit stuck with this chapter but hopefully this is okay. I'm so sorry for making our boy suffer even more lol i swear it's uphill from here kind of.

Tails’ workshop wasn’t far from Sunset City, they dashed there in barely any time at all. Desperate to get Sonic warm and eager to get out of the rain that drenched through to their exhausted bones. Miraculously, no citizens had been harmed and barley any had even seen the chaos unfold in the night, it was like some awful unintended secret. One that would be best kept that way.

Shadow held Sonic’s limp body as he ran, beating the others to the house by a long shot, as usual. He could feel the hedgehog’s pulse racing along with his shivers, he was freezing.  
He opened the door, and headed to the bedroom, where he lay Sonic on the bed, taking a moment to just look at him. He was a mess; bones stuck out of his joints, his eyes were deep in the sockets, the bags hanging from them like the ghost of sleep was actively haunting him, his ribcage looking like it could burst from the flesh every time he breathed in- but at least he was breathing. At least he was free.

Shadow pulled the blanket over him, then hurriedly ran around the house trying to find more. Luckily Tail’s seemed to have a fondness for cosy blankets- Shadow recalled how he was always talking about how much he hated summer and much preferred wrapping up like a, quote, ‘burrito’ on the rare occasions when it snowed. Shadow smiled at the random memory, he and Tails were more similar than he often cared to notice.  
He threw another two blankets over Sonic as he finally fell deeper into some much needed sleep, and got up to leave as he heard the others enter the house.  
But he was beaconed back by a very small, timid voice.

“Don’t leave me alone,”

Shadow turned from the doorway to see Sonic, his eyes now slightly open, ears drooped. He was so small, and in any other circumstances Shadow would've taken this as an opportunity to label him pathetic and weak, no match for the Ultimate Life Form. But this was different. He was like this _because_ he was almost a match, and it had destroyed him from the inside out.  
Shadow looked guilty at his shoes, and closed the door before him.  
“Okay”, he simply replied, walking over to sit back on the foot of the bed.

Sonic didn’t look at him, he just gazed drowsily at the ceiling, his eyelids clearly getting heavy with every passing second- but the moment they threatened to close for good, he’d force them wide open.

“Come on. You need to sleep now,” said Shadow upon realising this trend. Sonic looked at him, he still looked so afraid.  
“I don’t want to,”  
“What do you mean? You’re exhausted!”  
“I’m-" Sonic began, he turned his head away slightly, breaking eye contact. Shadow didn’t think much of it until he noticed the wetness forming in his eyes.  
“Sonic-?”  
“I’m- scared" he quivered, trying badly to hold back delirious sobs.  
Shadow didn’t say anything, because he didn’t know what exactly _to_ say. There were so many reasons for Sonic to be afraid right now, and Shadow wasn’t about to debunk them, plus he wasn't exactly one to cast stones.

“Can I- help you feel...safer?” He asked eventually.  
Sonic just shook his head in response.  
“No. I think at this point I’m just- just a body floating in a cold void of inevitable doom. There’s literally nothing that can’t be a threat. I can’t sleep or lower my guard because...there’s so much that could happen. What if I never wake up?” He whispered. It was the ramblings of a disgraced philosopher but Shadow still got that feeling. He’d known it before.  
“Well, yeah. Technically that’s true. Everything in the world has the potential to cause harm. You could theoretically kill someone with a spoon, but that’s so unlikely and out there that there’s no use spending energy worrying about spoon related homicides” he shrugged.  
Sonic turned to him again, not looking any more at ease.  
“I can feel it, though,” he swallowed.  
“Feel what?” Shadow knew what he was going to say already, but he really, really hoped he’d misjudged.  
“The...energy. It’s here. It’s still inside me.”

Alright, Shadow thought, plan B.

* * *

  
“I’m afraid our victory tonight it short lived” Shadow said, as he joined the others in the kitchen after Sonic had finally lost his battle with sleep. He couldn’t leave him for long. Not like this.

“Why?” Tails asked exasperated, just desperately wanting it all to be over.  
“I feared this might happen once he went dark. There’s side effects to inviting an untamable ethereal being of pure chaos to inhabit your body, to say the least,”  
“Well what are they? How do we relieve them?” Amy panicked.  
“It’s not that simple! He’s never used negative chaos before, and he nearly surrendered his entire being to it! On the first round! That’s like- if you never smoked in your life then suddenly chain smoked 100 cigarettes in one night!” Shadow stressed, anxiously trying to get the words out. He wanted this to be over too. He wanted to sleep too. He wanted Sonic okay again as much as the others. “His body can’t cope with it, can’t flush out the toxicity quick enough. It’s dormant in him, it can still strike.”  
“How do we get rid of it?” Amy continued. She couldn’t believe this was happening, no one could ever catch a break. She was going to kill Eggman for this when she got the chance.  
“It’s not a case of finding a cure it’s more of a mental approach. I’ll have to stay with him, talk him through it, or else...” he stopped, trying to think of the best way to describe it without them losing their cool.

“Or else what, Shadow?”

They were interrupted by a horrifying scream.

* * *

They ran into the bedroom. Sonic was clenching the bed sheet, body tense, shaking aggressively. He’d kicked all the blankets off and they scattered across the floor.  
“Sonic, hey, speak to me man!” Shadow grasped Sonic’s head, his eyes were tightly shut as he struggled against an invisible, all consuming force.  
“It’s burning me! It’s burning me!” he kept screaming, crying between heavy breaths, despite being absolutely freezing cold in Shadow’s arms.  
“Sonic, listen to me, I’m gonna talk you through this. You think you can do what I say for five minutes?” He was met with more screams “just five minutes and this will be over!”  
Sonic nodded, stopping the noise for a second, until it erupted again louder and more pained than ever.

“Look at me, Sonic, please!” He continued to hold the blue hedgehog’s head gently in his hands, lightly stroking his sweaty fur.  
Two eyes stared back. They were green, thank god, but the purple and green veins returned, seeming to spread from his eyeballs around the rest of his face.  
“Welcome it” Shadow said “accept it for what it is. The fear and anger and struggle, you can’t change that, you can’t convert it. It is just a part of you now,” Sonic’s eyes shut again as the pain flared up, the screaming stopped, replaced now by effort filled groans and chokes of agony.  
“Come on! You got this. You’re strong, you're Sonic the fucking Hedgehog! Come on! Let it sit in you. Will be heavy and it will be every single kind of uncomfortable, but you have to let it be welcome or-“  
Sonic looked at him again through hooded lids, the screaming stopped, his breathing became shallow. He stared at Shadow, terrified.  
“Please,” Shadow whispered, almost begging. For a moment it seemed to be working, then the shaking got much much worse, Sonic’s eyes lost focus, drifting into the distance as he jolted weakly.  
“No! No! Please!” Shadow panicked.  
“Sonic,” said Tails calmly, more calmly than Shadow could ever expect to see Tails in such a dire situation like this.  
He moved to give the fox room. It would either be the last chance or the last moment with his brother.

Tangle held onto Amy who was trying to hold in her tears, hands over her mouth in shock.

“Do you...do you remember when Eggman blew up the world? The human world? And you- you saved the day, as always,”  
Sonic was now staring at him, and Shadow swore he saw a nod through the shivers.  
“You became that creature. You were poisoned with this energy but you were so intrinsically you and so strong that it didn’t change your mind. It should have, but it didn’t. You couldn’t physically lose yourself,” Sonic was silent, keeping his eyes locked on his brother with every ounce of strength he had left.  
Again, it looked like it was working. Tails held his brother tight, but then Sonic’s eyes started to roll back. The breaths becoming few and far between.  
“Sonic! Sonic?!” Tails cried, he was losing him. Tails pressed his head against his brother's tenderly. He’d only just got him back and he was losing him again.  
“Don’t go,” he hushed, letting the tears fall.  
Sonic leaned in, he reached a hand out weakly and Tails took it.

He was dying.

“Oh, fuck it!” Shadow yelled, pushing Tails to the side and making everyone in the room jump.  
“What are you doing?” Amy shouted angrily, Shadow turned to her.  
“Just trust me!”  
He griped Sonic’s temples, shaking him to wake up.  
“Look at me. Sonic!” The hedgehog mustered all his energy to do so.  
“This is gonna hurt like hell, but I need you to just keep breathing, okay?”  
Sonic just stared at him, he probably didn’t take in a word Shadow said but there was literally nothing to lose anymore.

“Chaos...” Shadow breathed quietly “control....”

It was like all the air was being ripped out of Sonic’s lungs violently as the Chaos Energy transferred into Shadow’s veins. It was brutal, icy, sharp. Shadow didn’t even realise he was screaming until he felt a warm hand on his shoulder. The energy sat in his gut, stabbing at his organs, pressing against his skin, threating to rip him in two unless he surrendered.

_No._

_No he could control it. He was the Master of Chaos._

Tangle was beside him, he didn’t know her well, but she was kind. He knew that.  
He seized, Tangle holding his shoulders as he struggled.

“You got this!” Tangle honestly had no idea what was going on, but context clues worked wonders. Shadow gripped her arms for support as he hyperventilated, eventually letting go, and lurching forward on all fours as the energy started to settle. It was the worst form he'd ever encountered. So illogically furious, confused, sad, scared. 

He panted, it seemed to be over.

“That shit is brutal!” He gasped, letting his body sink to the floor, rolling onto his back to catch his breath.

“You good man? You need some Advil?” Tangle goofed, her head the only thing in his direct line of vision. He smiled back at her through tired eyes.  
“I just...need to sleep” he closed his eyes for a second, just a second...  
“Okay, but I know a comfier place” Shadow felt two soft arms lift him up to his feet. Tangle put Shadow’s arm around her neck and guided him to the living room.

* * *

Tails curled up next to his brother. He looked calm at last, but drained. His fur had lost a lot of its bright colour, he’d only noticed since they’d got inside.  
“What now?” Amy asked, sitting on the foot of the bed.  
Tails hugged his sleeping brother close.  
“We take care of him. We be gentle.”  
Amy patted Tails’ leg comfortingly.  
“He’ll get through it. He’ll come back. I know he will.”

Tails looked up to Sonic’s face again, and hoped to god she was right.

* * *

  
Sonic slept the whole night, occasionally letting out noises of vague discomfort but otherwise undisturbed.  
Tails sat in the arm chair beside him, not wanting to let him out of his sight. He was beyond relieved, but also distressed. He’d almost lost his brother twice in night and there was no knowing when exactly he’d be the same Sonic he’d saved worlds beside. Or if that would ever happen.  
The chaos had caused absolute anarchy, but it was deeper than that. He’d been taken advantage of when he was vulnerable. Tortured, tormented, abused by someone. A person with nothing but words and ideas and weird devices. He’d lost himself completely. But Tails was going to help him come back, and he’d hold his hand every step of the way.

He didn’t intend to drift off, but he did, exhausted by the events of the last few days. When he woke up, Shadow was sat on the end of the bed, and Tails now had a blanket around him.

“Hey,” he whispered sleepily, “shouldn’t you be resting too?” Shadow smiled at him and shook his head.  
“I’m okay. Slept it off”  
Tails got up and stretched as the morning sun shone through the partially closed blinds, cracking his neck.  
“How’s he doing?”  
Shadow sighed, “He’s warming, up finally, been a little jumpy though. I think he’s having nightmares” he continued to gaze down at the slumbering hedgehog. He looked dreadful, but at least he was safe in Tail’s home, where he should be.  
“I don’t know how he’ll be when he wakes up. How much he’ll remember. He might be frightened, it’s hard to know how he’ll act.”  
Tails gave him tired smile.  
“Thanks Shadow. I mean it”  
Shadow grunted.  
“I’m sorry for doubting you”  
“It’s okay. It was hard for everyone.” Shadow replied getting to his feet.  
“Not hard feelings?” Tails asked.  
“No. None.”  
He got up to leave.  
“Where are you going?” Tails asked, taking Shadow’s place at the foot of the bed.

“There’s something I have to do”


	10. The Fog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gang is shockingly still not having a good time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is so fucked up I'm sorry like wtf. I'm actually nervous to post it cus this is just really fucking visceral and dark and just jesus fucking christ man.  
> Content warning for if you struggle with etamophobia or eating disorders, this could be triggering.  
> Also want to make it clear that I'm not intending to write this as DID. I'm really depressingly just using my own experiences with OCD it's subsequent identity crisises as inspiration (this is how I cope how lame). I don't have DID and I hate when DID is used as a 'wooo so scary' plot device so I just wanted to be explicitly clear that that's not what I'm going for, symptoms just overlap into other things. Brains r weird and cool.  
> Also I have the headcanon that Sonic is around 18, I like to think that at least some time has passed since he met Shadow in Sonic Adventure

Shadow stepped out into the early morning air. It was foggy and colder than he’d expected, but somewhat refreshing.

He inhaled the dewy air, but his moment of tranquility was cut short  
“Where do you think you’re going?” someone called after him. Shadow turned around to see Tangle frantically waving her arms and tail wildly, jogging to catch up.  
“It's fine. Don’t worry about it” he snapped. Not intending to sound rude, but it did. Tangle bounced to his side, annoyingly enthusiastically.  
“We going to beat the daylights out of Eggman?”  
“I am. You are staying here, with the others” he said sternly. This was a personal issue that had to be dealt with alone.  
“Look this whole lonesome traveler act is cute, but you get pretty messed up yesterday- think of me as just back up!” she sang, dealing him a wide grin.

How dare she. How dare she doubt the ultimate life form!

“How dare you dou-"  
“Oh! Give over! Shaddy, my dude, it is okay and good to have help sometimes!” She sighed, shoving him jokily. He let out his signature grunt of vague detestment, though secretly he found her abrasiveness endearing. Tangle overtook him, confidently striding ahead to where she and Amy had left Eggman.

“Come on!” She called, sarcastically. He smiled to himself, running to catch up.

* * *

  
Tails watched his brother sleep. Sat there for hours, incase something happened again, unable to get that image of his brother fading away in his arms out of his head. The way he’d sought out comfort even though he didn’t know who Tails really was anymore, it haunted him.

His brother was still there.

Sonic looked restful at least, but the traumatic events of the last few weeks had definitely deteriorated him significantly. Tails thought it would be good to run a few tests to see the specifics of what was up, at least to physically know where he was at. They’d work from there. He fetched his first aid kit, the one saved for special emergencies that thankfully rarely saw the light of day. He took out a small syringe and drew a little blood sample, looking guiltily at Sonic.

He’d be freaked out by the needle if he was awake.

Tails took it to test in the lab next door, leaving both his and Sonic’s door wide open, it made it easier for him to keep darting in and out to check every five minutes that Sonic was still ticking. The relief that filled him every time he saw Sonic take another breath never dulled.

The machine beeped, the analysis was complete, much later than it would have if not for all the -completely necessary- interruptions  
“Oh man,” Tails muttered to himself, looking at the test results on the screen. Not the healthiest Sonic had ever looked. Deficient in most things, dehydrated, generally low in everything- it was all out of wack, enough to justify taking him to the hospital

But that wasn’t an option.

If there was any hope of restoring his memory, he’d need to be somewhere familiar, and something made Tails anxious that it would even trigger more distrust between them. It was still rocky, he couldn’t blow what little progress they’d made. He had to do this alone.

Tails walked back into Sonic’s room, observing the slow rise and fall of his chest beneath the layers of blankets. Good.

Now the hard part.

“Hey dude, hey” he shook his brother lightly, hating to wake him up, but he needed to get some fluids into him soon.  
Sonic’s eyes opened slightly, he groaned weakly, as Tails propped him up against the pillows.  
“You think you can drink some water?”  
Sonic just looked at him for a minute, as if he did it understand the question, then his eyes closed again. Tails sighed.  
“I’m sorry, I want to let you sleep but we have to so this”  
He wanted to give Sonic some dignity, he knew that he'd appreciate that when he came around, not being the type to accept help willingly, never mind like this- but he was clearly too exhausted to do anything himself. Tails crawled onto the bed and held a cup of water up to him.  
“Come on, dude, you have to!” he pleaded.  
Sonic reluctantly took a few small sips.  
“Good,” Tails whispered. That was enough for now, too much too soon could be dangerous.

Sonic coughed a little as Tails lay him back down, the fox frowned, checking his forehead. Still so cold, though not as much as before. He tucked the blankets around him.  
“You don’t need to be afraid anymore, I got you.” he said, curling up beside him again, just to be close, and maybe even to give him some more warmth.

* * *

“Oh, you lot again! I’m already in jail, what more could you possibly want!” Eggman bellowed to the other side of the glass at the two tiny figures that had just entered. High security prison wasn’t exactly a place to thrive, and Shadow smiled at how disgruntled and unhappy Eggman looked. He must have been beside himself with boredom.

“Nothing. I just wanted to make sure you were miserable enough, because it would be immoral for us to beat the shit out of you when, technically speaking, justice has been served,” Shadow mocked, pressing his face to the glass smugly.

Eggman whined like a stroppy teenager.  
“Well enjoy the show!”

“Oh, we will, and you should talk. Because you know what? I’m going to make it extremely hard for any living soul, or robotic one for that matter, to walk through those doors again!” Shadow retorted. Eggman raised his eyebrows dramatically.

“Ooh solitary confinement! Scary! That’s what I did to Sonic, you know, for six months, did he ever tell you about what happened then? Whilst you were all forming your little ‘resistance’?”

Shadow said nothing, but he did think consider it. Sonic had never mentioned what Eggman did to him during the war, no one had asked, deeming it a sensitive topic given how easily he’d wafted off any concerns once he returned. Perhaps that had been naïve of them.

“Funny thing, Shadow, people’s spirits and memories. See, I did the exact same thing this time around, and only for two days, and it completely broke him. Triggered a whole identity crisis. It’s interesting how people are just fleshy heaps of feelings and memories and emotions and morals. Take that away, and they’re so easily broken, it's almost hilarious.”  
Shadow listened closely, this was directed at him. A lazy jab at his passed. He could hear Tangle nervously pulling her tail.

Eggman continued.  
“So, Shadow, let me ask you this. You take away my identity- my robots, my freedom, you lock me up in here for the rest of my life with zero human contact: how are we any different?”

The words penetrated the emotional wall Shadow had spent years building and rebuilding. His flaw, one that he was painfully aware of, was how he pushed everything and everyone away, pretending he couldn’t hear them from the other side of it, and the moment someone smashed a hole in it forcefully, the foundations crumbled.  
He was always scared of himself, how cruel his instincts were, Eggman knew that.

“Shadow didn’t torture and destroy whole cities, Egghead!” Tangle interrupted. Her words made him cringe as he looked away from Eggman, viscerally hating how easy it was for people like him to get in his head like that, to play with his emotions like soldiers.

“Oh is that what you think?” Eggman laughed condescendingly.  
“Shut up!” Shadow yelled suddenly, turning back to face Eggman who was now in his direct line of vision.  
“Oh! She doesn’t know?!” He continued to chuckle, shaking his head, faking disappointment. Tangle looked confused, eyes switching from Eggman to Shadow.  
“What’s he talking about” she looked at him, her voice wavering slightly, eyes wide with curiosity and fear.

Did she even want to know? Would Eggman tell her anyway? Would she be as forgiving and understanding as the others?

“Tangle...” he said, swallowing his words. It was always hard to relive those jumbled memories, hard to get them out.  
“I’ve done some....really bad stuff,” she kept looking at him, she was so eager for eye-contact, he hated it.  
“Oh that’s one way to phrase it! How many people died Shadow?” Eggman chimed in uninvited.

Shadow looked away again, clenching his fists, he was furious. He was still so easily manipulated, he'd learned nothing. Or was Eggman just a master manipulator?

“No! I’m not letting you do the same thing to me as you did to Sonic! You’ve completely destroyed him! You are pure evil with no hope of redemption! At least I saw the error in my ways! At least I tried to make it right!” He cried, listening in to how his voice cracked, it echoed in him like the crumbling of the metaphorical walls.  
“But you can’t bring back the dead Shadow!” Eggman sang.  
Shadow’s fist slammed the glass hard making it wobble.  
“And neither can you! How many died when you broke the human world in to fractions? Or when you took over this world with your forces? What was Infinite like before you experimented on him like a lab-rat and destroyed his life all to make a pretty lousy weapon?”  
Eggman leaned down to Shadow’s level, Shadow wasn’t intimated, he wouldn’t let himself be anymore.  
“So that’s how it is, eh? At least I’ve done worse than you- is that how you sleep at night? At least I’m not as bad as that nasty Eggman!” he growled.

Tangle shook his arm, “Shadow, we should go!” he didn’t flinch.  
“Go on. Chaos Blast me. Show me your true colours, Shadow the Hedgehog.”  
Shadow kept locked eye contact, almost trembling with rage. He was so angry, this man was pure evil. He’d hurt his friends over and over, wrecked his chances of finding a normal happy life. He could destroy him so easily, the only reason he hadn’t so far was this small streak of compassion left by Maria’s memory, and the will to change. The knowledge that he couldn’t fix what he’d done, he just had to be better now. He had to.

Shadow breathed deeply, and smiled, looking Eggman up and down.  
“You’re funny” he simply said, pretending to be suddenly un-phased, as he walked out of the room nonchalantly, “Come on, Tangle!”

* * *

Needle lulled his head sleepily, etching his eyes open, greeted by the soft dusk light. He ached all over. His brain still foggy and tired.  
“Hey, you there?” Someone called. He hummed sleepily.  
“Do you.... know where you are?” they asked, clearly cautious not to push him so soon. He felt empty, spent. There was nothing left in him to give.  
“No.” he croaked miserably.   
“Have some water,”  
“No.”  
“Please? Just a sip!”  
“No.” He continued facing the window. What had he done? He was going to hurt people, people he thought were bad. Now he was in their home, completely defenseless.  
“It’s 7:30pm. September 18th. You’re at Miles Tails Prower’s house” it was the fox, that was his name, Needle remembered, as he continued not to budge and kept his lips sealed.  
“I’ll let you rest some more, you think you can try to eat something later?” he asked eventually.  
“No.” Needle said again. He wasn’t going to accept anything from these people until he was absolutely certain they were safe.

As soon as he heard the door close, Needle sat up.

“Ah!”

Too quickly.

His body was so tired but his brain was awake, alert, ready to get some answers finally. He couldn’t trust them, he couldn’t heal with this uncertainty, he needed evidence. Needle slipped out of the bed with a wobble, holding the frame for support. It felt like his bones where hollow, and his limbs bruised just from laying down.

Ivo’s words echoed in his head over and over. He was just useless, selfish brat who couldn’t do anything right. And look, now he’d betrayed Ivo furthur. He’d sided with the enemy. Would he never learn?

_Let us trust them. Just this once._

“I’m trying”

_I know._

“I’m just afraid. What if this is wrong?”

_If we’d stayed with Ivo we’d be dead by now. They have saved us._

“What if they kill us?”

_Why would they save us only to kill us?_

“Torture”

_No! That was Ivo who tortured us! This is us, safe._

“Show me some evidence then.”

_Okay._

Despite the chatter his head felt foggy. So foggy. Heavy with memories he couldn’t access. Like they were locked away and he couldn’t find the key. Time to look for it. He rummaged through the beside cabinet as if manifesting his thoughts in real life. Candy wrappers. Books. Notebooks.

He opened the notebooks.

Numbers. Letters. Symbols. Nothing made sense. Could he read? Did he never learn? Fuck, did he know basic things? Could he count?

He stared at his bruised hands. They were huge and weird. Gross. He put one finger down.

Breathed.

“One” he said out loud, he searched his brain for the next number- nothing. What came after one?  
He looked back at the notebooks, assessed the pages of sums at the front in handwriting he didn’t recognise.

What came after one? Nothing there. It was scribbles. Nonsense.

He felt his eyes welling up. Everything. He’d forgotten everything. He was worthless.  
Then he saw it. The number one, and next to it an-  
“Eight!” He repeated out-loud again. Eight!  
“Eighteen” he said. It was the number eighteen. It felt familiar. He knew it. It was part of him, how? How could he be a number.  
“I am eighteen” he said. Then it clicked. Slotted into place.  
“I’m I’m eighteen! I’m eighteen....years old!” A door unlocked. He was a teenager.

He had an age.

But what was after one?

He stared down at his hands. They were disgusting. He was disgusting. He was just a body with no feelings or memories or identity, he was just a void of mass taking up space and floating in the darkness. He didn’t love anyone. Love felt important. He knew it was important. But he didn’t have any. Not even for himself. How could he love people he didn’t know? How could they love him back when there was nothing left in the shell?

He cursed over and over. He hit himself hard on the head again. Over and over. Punching. It hurt but at least it was something. He felt pain. All he felt was pain and confusion but at least pain stung and made him sad about something.

He leveled up.

The wall.

He bashed his head over and over. It hurt, then it stung. Blood dripped into his eyes.

“Sonic?” He heard someone call. The fox again. He looked at the wall. Stared at it.

_No more bashing. That’s enough now._

He didn’t hear the door open, just felt the gloved hands on his shoulder and leapt back.  
“Get off me!” He shouted.  
The fox, Tails, looked up at him in pity. He wasn’t scared, just worried. Again. Was he always worried?  
“S-Sonic? What happened?”  
He stared at Tails. He didn’t have a valid answer. He sank to the floor, let himself sob. Another feeling. Despair. That was a good word for it.

“Hang on I’ll get something to clear than up” Tails left the room, leaving Needle slumped against the wall. A mess of weak limbs he couldn’t control anymore. Of course he left, he wasn’t coming back. He just said that to get away.

But he did. Tails entered again, carrying a bottle of clear liquid and a wet cloth. He knelt in front of Needle and dabbed the cloth on his bleeding forehead tenderly, Needle let him. He didn’t have the energy to fight it anymore.

“Why are you being nice to me?” He asked, almost disgusted by the concept.  
“Because you’re my friend, and I care about you” Tails replied, sternly “okay, this might hurt” he said as he tipped the bottle onto the cloth.

He was right. It did sting. Needle bit his lip and closed his eyes.  
“You’re just going through something and I’m helping you. You would help me” he smiled, gently.  
“I would?” he mustered the courage to look him in the eyes, he’d been avoiding eyes. They were overwhelming and scary. They held too much information he didn’t want. But why didn’t he want it? Maybe that’s what he needed.

He kept eye contact.

“What else would I do?” Needle continued, allowed this curiosity to get the better of him, just this once, just testing the water to see if it was safe enough yet.  
“Uh, well, if the roles were reversed, you’d make a few more jokes probably? In good faith though, not mean ones, never laughing at anyone else. Laughing with them,”  
He felt calmed by the foxes words for the first time in a while. It was nice to know he was a person before all this, but he had to know more, had to know it was safe to become him again.  
“You’re a good person. You help people in need all the time. In fact, that’s how this happened in the first place. You wore yourself out so much saving everyone, I guess your brain struggled to cope a bit. It was a lot.”  
Needle frowned “You know how this happened?”  
Tails nodded, then looked up unsurely, “Kind of. It’s hard to know 100% but, I’d say the most likely cause is dissociative amnesia,”  
“What’s that?”  
“It’s when your brain can’t deal with a big traumatic event and in order to protect you it closes off some memories, but I guess it overdid it a bit,” he smiled, placing a bandage and tape on Needle’s head from a first aid kit already in the room.  
“Well, well....is there a cure?” Needle wasn't sure if he was excited about the potential existence of one or utterly terrified.  
“It’s not that simple. It’s more of a rest and relaxing and talk about things kind of cure. There’s no magic medicine for it unfortunately. It’ll take time, but you’ll get there.”

He’d been lied to. Tails made total sense. This was it, this was what was wrong with him. Nothing more than a stupid mental block? No one had kidnapped and hurt him and forced him to forget- he’d been helping people. Saving them. It was Ivo who had lied and taken advantage of his powers and prevented his healing.

“What do I do?” He asked, looking up at the fox again. He just felt empty. Hopeless. He needed help, and this kid was offering it to him with open arms even after all he’d done.  
“Firstly, maybe don’t bang your head against the wall anymore, probably not a great way to regain memories” he laughed. Needle smiled tiredly.

Tails smiled wider seeing his brother no longer in complete mental agony.  
“Get some sleep. You’re physically not in the clear yet, hate to break it to you. Have a couple of days more rest,”

Needle’s smile faded, it was all so much, a wave of physical weakness suddenly overcame him as the adrenaline wore off.  
“Get to bed, go on” Needle nodded, allowing Tails to help him into the bed.

He rolled to the other side facing away from Tails, mortified he’d been caught being weird.

_We can’t keep hurting ourselves we’ll never get better if we keep hurting ourselves._

**I’m not hurting me I’m hurting you**

_Why?_

Nothing. Needle shut the voice up- too tired anymore for arguments.

* * *

  
Tails woke him up slowly, his head felt tender from where he’d smashed it, Tails seemed to clock it.  
“You want some ice for that?” He asked, setting something down on the cabinet. It was dark outside. He must have been asleep for hours.  
“No.” Needle said, it was becoming his catchphrase.  
Tails shrugged in defeat, “I want you to try and eat something, not a lot, just something. It’ll help you feel better.”  
“I don’t want to” Needle hoped he hid the fear well, but something in Tails’ face suggested he didn’t at all.  
“Please try, just try. If you can’t I’ll have to take you to the hospital and I know that’s not ideal.”

_We can’t go to the hospital, Needle. We can’t._

Needle nodded at his own thought, Tails saw it as directed towards him.

He gave Needle a small bowl of fruit.  
“This should be pretty easy to digest to start off with, you haven’t eaten in weeks so we have to be careful.”  
Needle looked down at it. It looked slimy and chunky, like giant bogies. It made him feel nauseous.  
“I’m not hungry,” he said, not taking his eyes away from the small lumps of wet stuff that filled the small bowl.  
“I know, but it’s important” Tails said, sitting on the end of the bed trying to edge him on.  
“It looks bad” Needle whined. He hated how he sounded like a bratty kid. Ivo was right all along. Here Tails was just trying to help him, and he couldn't even be grateful. He searched his mind for a reason, and excuse to feel this way and justify the illogical fears.  
“It might do for now, but once your body gets used to it it’ll be easier. For now it will suck,” the fox was doing that thing again where he didn’t hide the truth. He was so open about the negatives of everything, it made Needle trust him.

So this was safe, right?   
But when he looked back down at he fruit bowl he was overwhelmed with dread. Accepting something from an enemy, how could he really know it was safe?

_Tails isn’t an enemy he cares about us we’ve been through this_

Needle didn’t engage. The arguments didn’t make sense anymore, his thoughts were fractured and inconsistent.

_That’s because we’re starving._

Needle looked at the fruit bowl. Then back at Tails. It was too much. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t do it.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Tails asked, looking sadly into Needle's eyes, he turned away.  
“I’m-“

**We can’t tell him he’ll worry.**

“-I’m scared”  
“What’s making you scared?”  
“This!”  
“The fruit?”  
“Yeah!” he was sobbing. It was embarrassing but he couldn’t stop it.  
“It’s all fruit you’ve had before. You really like pineapple, there’s pineapple in there” Tail's voice was soft and understanding, but he couldn't understand, not really. He was just pretending. Everyone was just pretending.  
“What else do I like?” he whispered from behind his hands that were anxiously grasping his mouth in fear.  
“You like most fruit, honestly. I think bananas are your favourite, but you say a lot of things are” Tails said, his face was warm and kind and trust worthy. He could trust it, he had to.  
Needle wiped his tears away, and sniffed.  
“Okay. I’ll try”  
He used the fork to pick up a piece of the pineapple. He didn’t like how squishy and gunky it was, but he bit down anyway, through closed eyes as fresh tears formed. He was going to be okay.

No. No it stung. It was stringy and chewy and it hurt his mouth.

He spat it out immediately.

“Sonic?”  
Needle sobbed again “I’m so sorry Tails I tried!”  
“Hey, hey, it’s alright man. There’s no rush!”

That was a lie, there was a rush. Needle’s body wasn’t coping and he could feel it. The cold, constantly the cold. And the tiredness. He even struggled to stand up anymore.  
He had maybe a week before things really started shutting down.

**Do we want that?**

_No if course we don’t!_

**What if I want that?**

_Well I don’t! And besides, Tails would never let that happen, we’d be in the hospital and they’d force us to get better and that will be so much more painful than the damn pineapple!_

**I don’t want to eat.**

_But we have to._

**Why?**

_For Tails. We have to do this for Tails._

Needle looked up at the brother he didn’t know. He was kind, and gentle and doing everything he could. He owed it to him.

Needle stabbed the fork again at a slice of apple. He bit down, it didn’t taste as strong. It was sour and sweet but okay. It took a lot of effort to crunch and swallow, scratching down his throat like a knife.

“See, easy!” Tails smiled. Needle didn’t return it, he just kept thinking about the apple that was now inside him. Sitting there until the stomach acid broke it down and converted it to energy. His whole body was so terrifyingly amazing.   
“You okay?” Tails asked, as Needle just stared vacantly into the distance, head filled with thoughts of the apple. Where it was on it’s journey down his insides. How long would it take to go away? How long till it was no longer part of him?

**We have to get it out**

_No! It’s fine!_

**It’s corrupting us like poison.**

_No it’s just an apple._

H **e made us eat, it’s poison. It’s obviously a trap.**

_No! He made us eat because he cares about us and we need to eat to survive._

Suddenly, before Needle could even realise it, he ate another piece of fruit, this one was worse. It was round and squishy like an eyeball. It made him want to gag but his movements were no longer his.  
Was this Sonic? Was he no longer in the pilot seat?  
Tails was pretending not to pay attention, so as not to make Needle feel anxious- but he occasionally said things like ‘you’re doing great’ and ‘nice’ but it was hard to tell anymore. He ate slowly and carefully, every bite was uncomfortable and nasty, and most disturbingly, wasn’t his choice.

**What do you think you're doing?**

_We will die if we don't eat!_

**Stop! I’m not gonna let you ruin this for us!**

_Ruin what?_

_What needle?_

**This is going to hurt us**

_No it’s going to heal us. We are sick, remember._

**No! We’re not! You’re just lying to me too now so you can have control!**

_What? I just want us to be safe and healthy again!_

**No!**

Needle pushed the bowl away suddenly. It was half empty. Tails smiled at him but needle couldn’t return it. What had happened? It was like being possessed. He hugged his knees up to his chest, shaking again.

“Hey, are you alright?” Tails asked, moving the bowl back up the the cabinet. Needle said nothing, his brain was so loud, everyone was talking at once. He wasn’t he one in control anymore. He grabbed his head, hiding his face from Tails as he tears started to form.

“Sonic-" he started, going to sit in front of him, reaching out a hand. Needle immediately backed away in panic.  
The touching. He could still control that.

“Sorry, I forgot-" the fox started, “do you want to...talk about anything?” It was a shoddy attempt to get any information out, they both knew it wouldn’t work.

Needle kept his lips sealed, staring at Tails like he’d just done something unbelievable that he couldn’t process.

“You don’t have to say anything, i-it’s okay. It’s okay to be stressed, but I’m here for you if you need me.”

"I want to be alone!" Needle cried, Tails jumped. He felt awful for what he was about to do, but he didn't have a choice, he didn't. Tails simply took the rest of the fruit away ad left the room. He didn't act upset, but logically, Needle knew he would be. He'd been nothing but a burden and rude and awful whilst Tails was just trying to care of him. Tails was so reassuring and nice and-

**And we don’t deserve any of it**

_I think we do_

**All we’ve done is hurt people and cause trouble**

_We weren’t well_

**We still aren’t**

_We’re healing_

**Then why is it even more painful than before?**

_Because you’re letting me in and letting me feel things_

**Then you’re a threat.**

_What?_

**You’re hurting us by being here so we have to get rid of you.**

_No! What? You can’t do that. I have just as much a right to be here as you!_

**Not if you only cause pain.**

_We’ve been through this! We need to feel pain, it’s important._

**Why?!**

_Because if we didn’t we’d be a soulless emotionless robot. We might as well be metal-_

He stopped. He shut the voice up. He didn’t like thinking about metal. It made him feel guilty but he had no idea why, and it was too risky to find out.  
His stomach was starting to feel uncomfortable, like it was confused about the new substances that had entered and couldn’t remember how to use the matter.

**We have to get this out. We have to get it out.**

_What?_

**This is my body I’m not letting you take it.**

_What are you talking about?_

Needle pulled himself from the bed. His legs were sore, not strong enough to keep holding him up. Instead he elected to simply drag himself with his arms, he got to his destination at the corner of the room eventually.

Needle pushed two fingers to the back of his throat until he gaged.

_What the hell are you doing?!_

He ignored the voice, this was his body, it wasn't helpful anymore. It wasn't necessary. He was taking back control.  
It stung, his eyes watered, his stomach protested the motion, but eventually it came up, there wasn’t a lot, most of it was just acid, but he got it. He was empty again, the way he liked it.

Needle realised that he was crying still. Were they new tears? had he ever stopped? Perhaps it was Sonic who was crying. either way, the sadness was dulled, Needle actually felt good, it was working.

_You can’t do this! If we don’t eat we’ll die! I only did this to help us!_

“I-I don’t w-want your...” it was hard to breathe suddenly “...help” he collapsed by the side of the wall, his brain felt foggy again, his heart beats banging against his ribs.

Needle didn’t even notice the door open until he saw the face of the fox looking at him anxiously. The worry again.

“Sonic!” He called, but Needle was miles away.

* * *

Sonic lay half conscious against the wall, his breaths were shallow, Tails panicked.  
“Hey!” he uttered, gently shaking him awake. This didn’t make any sense at all, his digestive system should have been able to cope with four cubes of fruit, surely. Tails wasn’t exactly a medical expert but he knew that.  
“Hey!” he said again, louder, voice quivering, “what happened?”  
Sonic’s eyes opened slightly, looking directly at where Tail's put his hand to shake him, but too drained to waft it off. Tails noted, and moved it away.  
“I needed to get rid of him” said a sore, shaky voice in return. It didn’t sound like his brother anymore, not even slightly. Tails thought he must have misheard the end of the sentence,  
“No! You need to eat! You need to have fuel in your body in order to recover from this!” He was trying to so hard to be gentle but he was so baffled- why would Sonic do this? His brother closed his eyes, tipping his head back in discomfort.  
“I’m tired of sharing this...body with...”  
“You’re not making any sense!” Tails interrupted, trying so hard not to be harsh.  
“He doesn’t deserve it.”  
“Who doesn’t? Deserve what?” He asked anxiously, his body was tense with dread. This all sounded completely insane, “Sonic...”

Nothing.

“What?” Tails was scared, he didn’t want to be scared of his own brother but this was disturbing.  
Sonic took a deep breath, it seemed uncomfortable, he almost groaned as it was released.  
“He’s in here, way back, and he’s trying to get out but I'm not gonna let that happen.”  
“Why wont you?”  
“He makes me feel everything and how much everything hurts. I’m just trying to protect us, Tails!” He looked so bad, like his heart would just completely give up any second. His ramblings were delusional nonsense but he had to listen.  
“How are you protecting him?” Tails snapped, not annoyed, just confused.  
“He’s trying to gain control and eat your poison and sleep in your bed but I'm not gonna let him be tricked by you all again.”

Tails' heart was beating a million times a second, he wished Shadow was there, and Tangle, and Amy, just someone to help him handle this. But for now it was just him, and he could only do what he thought was right. 

Play along.

“What’s your name?” he asked. Sonic seemed to drift off again, the further attacks on his already spent body clearly not baring well, but he opened his eyes once more upon hearing the question, and cracked a small smile.

“Needle.”

So he did have a whole other name. Great start.

“Needle, I promise you, so much, that we are not trying to hurt Sonic. We’re trying to get him back and help him heal. The more you physically hurt this body the more you are hurting Sonic.”  
“No he needs to stay in there. If you get him back then....”  
“Then what?”  
“I wont exist anymore. And I can't have that. I’ve done so much I don't want to not exist!” he was getting angry, but it obviously pained him to,   
“Needle, you are Sonic too. You may feel disconnected but....you are just a part of Sonic and when we get him back you’ll still be there, you’ll be with us too!”  
“You don't know that!” Needle protested. The cry was desperate and afraid, like a small child.

Tails put his head in his hands, this was so much worse than he’d ever imagined. The amnesia combined with the abuse must have triggered something to fracture somewhere in his brain, to protect him, but it was doing so badly. Sonic was almost hyperventilating, his limbs slack against the wall.  
“I don’t think....I can take care of you, not like this. Not on my own. I don’t think I'm equipped to, Sonic- Needle” he corrected his slip up.  
Needle laughed weakly “Yeah I knew you’d give up on us. We’re too far gone, a lost cause.”  
“No! I’m not giving up on you! I’m always here for you always!”  
“What are you doing?” he asked hopelessly, as Tails dragged him up off the floor with almost zero effort.  
“You have to go to the hospital!”  
“What? No! You said-"  
“That was before you were making yourself vomit! And before all this...head smashing...”   
Needle struggled pathetically in his arms “I knew we couldn’t trust you!” he shrieked, suddenly breaking free and stumbling away from Tails in disgust. His legs couldn’t support him and he fell down, only for Tails to catch him again. Needle screamed at the contact, and dragged himself out from Tail’s arms with all his effort. He was crying, ugly and heavy. His throat a cracked wreck as he desperately tried to catch his breaths.

“Needle, you need to calm down!” Tails crouched beside him again where Needle lay screaming into the floor, “Please, please calm down!” he was gonna give himself a heart attack if he kept going like that, his body wasn't strong enough to contain the stress.  
“I need them...” he heaved.  
“What do you need?” Tails really, really wanted to hug him, more than anything, but he couldn't even do that.  
“I’m gonna die if-"  
“Needle! Tell me what’s wrong!”  
“I need the emeralds!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't forgotten about Amy dw she's just doing something else that will be revealed next chapter!!


	11. The Gauge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the gang decides to split up and looks for clues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter kicked my ass mainly because i have been constantly sleeby this week cus work is killing me. Anyway this is some classic 'me bullshitting how chaos energy works for 10 minutes' enjoy.  
> Also another CW for vomit and generally gross stuff lmao

He was shaking, his bones almost audibly rattling beneath the skin. Tails sat beside Needle wishing he could be a better source of comfort.

“Breathe, alright, just breathe!” he felt so useless. Where was Shadow? He needed Shadow.

Needle let out a distressed scream, bandaged wrists pressing deeper into the floor, cracking at the pressure. “I just want it to end! When will it end?!” He spat hysterically.

“When will what end?” There was so much going on behind the surface that Tails couldn’t even begin to understand, so much help he couldn't offer

“This shit!” Needle staggered up, his legs wobbling but somehow able to support him again, “this exhaustion! Not...not knowing a-anything! I just want it to stop!” He yelled, staring at his hands as if unsure they were even his own.

Tails looked up at him from the floor. This hedgehog didn’t look like his brother- the skinny frame created the illusion of height, the dull fur far from its healthy shine. He hated how it wasn’t even hard to see this as another person, because that’s what he was. But it wasn't that simple, Tails couldn’t give up, he had to be strong for Sonic.  
“If you just let yourself rest, please, just let me take care of you! You’ll remember soon enough!” He pleaded, raising his hands as he stood up to try and prove that he was not a threat.

Needle looked around hopelessly, almost paranoid, “I can’t! I don't trust you! I don’t want to be cared for! I don't want to remember!” He clenched his eyes shut, grasping the sharp quills on his head tightly “I don't want to remember!”  
Tails stood straight, he was now almost at eye-level, he realised now that he actually wasn’t that tall, or intimidating. He was tiny and depressingly frail. He couldn't really be all that powerful like this, could he? “Why don’t you?” he asked.

“Because...it's not safe!” the last part was hushed, Tails almost didn’t hear it, but he did, and squinted suspiciously.

“What isn’t safe?”

Needle hugged himself and looked away from Tails, "We forgot for a reason! I have to keep him safe! He can’t cope with that!”

Needle fixed his eyes on the window, glaring intensely at it.  
“Go away! I don't want you to see this!” Needle yelled. It wasn't directed at Tails, who was now confused. Was someone out there? He looked.  
There was nothing, just a reflection in the darkness.

_Oh._

Needle kept staring at it for a few moments in silence, then sped out of the room into the workshop next door.

* * *

_Mirrors. Glass. Windows._

He was there. Sonic was everywhere.

“Stop!” Needle cried, grabbing a gadget from the table. He threw it to the floor, flinching as it crashed to pieces. “You’re not ready!” He screamed, throwing a microscope at a large machine in the corner of the room. The crash shocked him somehow. He covered his ears, looking around anxiously.  
Sonic was still everywhere. Reflected in every screen. Needle blindly smashed everything in his direct line of vision, the actions were uncoordinated and clumsy, but he still managed to cause significant damage- machines were set alight as they fell to the ground, the exposed wires sizzling.

Tails ran close behind, “Needle! Stop!” he yelled, as he watched his life's work being destroyed before his eyes. But he didn’t care about that, all he cared about was Sonic. He could rebuild anything in time, his brother, however, was irreplaceable.

Without a second thought, Tails grabbed onto Sonic- or Needle- he didn’t care which, “Please stop!” He felt his brother's heart beating erratically; panicked and fearful. His breaths came out more like growls, but slowly they died down as he sank to his knees, not shoving Tails off for once. He started to cry softly, Tails did too.

“I’m not gonna leave you. I’m never, ever gonna leave you!” Tails sobbed into Sonic's back. It wasn't warm and soft like normal, it was rough and sharp. Tails was even afraid that if he hugged too tight he'd break something.

“But if Ivo finds us-" uttered a slightly different voice. It was quieter, not calm, just tired, and scared. Smaller.

“He won’t. He’s in jail. He’s not gonna hurt you anymore” Tails gripped tighter despite his illogical fears, as if trying to stop his brother getting away.

“Tails....I miss you. I just want to be okay again, I want him to trust you but -but he won’t let me-us” his voice cracked.

“Sonic?”

“I’m so tired. Everything hurts. I want to sleep but he just...won’t let us rest!”

Tails held him so close, as if he knew this would be the last time he'd accept the contact with ease. Sonic cried and cried until he was too tired to continue, he lay himself on the ground, curling into a fetal position. Tails stroked his head tenderly.

“I still don’t remember anything. I still don’t know you.” he whispered, bloodshot eyes looking up at his younger brother. It broke Tails’ heart to hear those words, “but I know you’re my brother and I trust you. I just need to...need to con-convince-" Suddenly he choked on an uncomfortable breath, and shuddered.

“Sonic!” Tails cried, noticing the shift.

“-it hurts!”

“Let me take you to the hospital, please! You can’t go on like this, you’re killing yourself!”

“Just-just...stop him.” he rasped between coughs, before passing out cold.

Tails tried to shake him awake, "How do I do that what he's the same person as you?" he sobbed gently, laying down slightly over his brother, hugging him again for a minute. "Please just tell me what to do."

* * *

At around 11pm the door cracked open, exposing the dark house to the noises and smell of the pouring rain that covered the land.

“Where did you go?” Tails yelled, the anger thinly veiled as annoyance, as he ran up to the soaking wet Tangle and Shadow.

Shadow shrugged "Never mind. It was a wasted trip.” he reconsidered his words and tone immediately when noticing how frustrated Tails looked, “Why....what’s wrong?”

“I needed you here!” Tails stressed.

Shadow looked around the workshop, realising what a wreck it was. Machines and projects were cluttered and smashed, everything was broken. He dreaded to find out why.  
“What happened?” He asked sternly.

“It’s so much worse than we thought!” Tails said, mostly to himself as he tugged at his own fur.

“Slow down, tell me what happened. Are you okay? Is Sonic okay? Amy?” He ushered Tails to sit down, as Tangle started to pick up what shattered remains were left of Tails’ inventions. Weeks, even months to years of work was destroyed.

“He just freaked out! He’s been hurting himself all day and then....then he just flipped and said he needed the Chaos Emeralds! He got so upset, started breaking everything and-and then- I don't know! He got super tired and spoke to me and it almost, _almost_ made sense!” He let all his emotions run wild and frantic, Tangle stopped and sat beside him to comfort him, knowing that Shadow would not be great at providing that physical reassurance. Tails continued once he caught his breath, "It's like there's two people in there. Like the negative Chaos unleashed something or- or separated him."

Shadow's face was scrunched up in intense thought. Could the Chaos Emeralds do that? Or was that just the trauma of the last few years finally cracking him. Maybe this had simply pushed him over the brink. “Okay. Uh, where is he now? Is he safe?” he asked eventually.

“Yeah, well, I guess. I had to, uh, tie him to the bed when he eventually passed out. I just couldn't risk him flipping like that again, he's really wearing himself down. That’s horrible, I know!” He rubbed his eyes.

“No, it’s not horrible. You did what you had to do, Tails,” Shadow replied sternly, walking over to the door, opening it to reveal the dimly lit room where Sonic lay, still out, looking relatively at ease, but far from peaceful.

“Alright, let’s see what’s up with you now,” Shadow said, half to himself, half to the unconscious blue hedgehog. He sat beside him, and closed his eyes, feeling the air for an energy source. It took some effort, but after a few minutes of desperately trying to tune in to the surrounding aura, he found something. It felt off. Different. Like the Chaos Energy Sonic usually possessed- the default he simply carried with him everywhere just by existing, the stuff that allowed him to tap into his Chaos powers- but it was just wrong. Upside down. Tainted. And rapidly depleting. Shadow opened his eyes to examine Sonic, trying to locate any more physical signs, but it was hard to tell when he was already a wreck from his little stay with Eggman.

Shadow looked over to Tails who was now standing by the open door, “It’s like....withdrawal?” 

“Withdrawal?” He echoed.

“I guess? It seems the negative Chaos effected his general aura, replacing the neutral energy. Maybe when I ripped it out of him, it didn’t know how to adjust to the norm.”

Tails ran over next to him, as if anxious to know if his brother was still alive, “What do we do? How do we help him?”

Shadow thought for a moment, he’d never encountered this before, “I-I don’t know” he said, “Perhaps we could...restore it, somehow? But it's too risky to use the Chaos Emeralds again, he would just tap into the negativity like before. It'd be a destructive cycle, certainly no way to live." He softly touched Sonic’s face. He could feel the pain, the conflict, the confusion. He was so scared, and Shadow had no idea how to help him. “Maybe we could get-“

Suddenly the door opened wide, Amy entered, panting vigorously like she’d just run a marathon. “Positive Chaos Energy!” They turned to look at her, “you need positive Chaos Energy!”

Tangle followed closely behind, forcibly turning the pink hedgehog around to face her, looking her in the eyes, scouring for any signs of harm, then ended her evaluation by wrapping Amy into a huge, welcoming hug. “Amy! Where were you? I woke up this morning and you were gone!”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to burst out like that, but I had to go see Knuckles! Something about the way the negative Chaos effected him bothered me, thought Knuckles ought to know a bit about it!” she smiled, in-genuinely.

Tangle smiled back sympathetically “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“I didn’t want to wake you, you were all so tired!”

Their joyful reunion was interrupted by a rattling from the bed. Sonic was pulling at the bods on his wrists in his sleep, or what appeared to be sleep.

“Okay” Shadow exhaled, pulling himself together. He’d gone from rarely showing emotion, even internally, to pouring his heart out with reckless abandon over the last few weeks. It was a tough transition, one he was keen on getting over with as soon as possible. “What did Knuckles say? Can the Master Emerald help at all?” 

Amy sighed, “He said it could but he’s not risking it until it’s a last resort, there’s a chance the negative Chaos could ‘throw it off balance’ or something. Maybe it’s best to just find the emeralds again and hope?” she walked over to join the boys overlooking the disturbed hedgehog.

Shadow groaned tiredly. He was embarrassed how confused he was by the whole process. He was literally the Master of Chaos, yet this was so different to anything he'd ever seen or experienced before. Even when he'd first used negative Chaos.

"We can't do that, we can't risk this all happening again. Not just for us- but he might not even survive it."

Sonic moaned, shifting uncomfortably again. He definitely wasn’t asleep anymore.

“I need to give him some water” Tails said, going over to where he now kept the water bottles, he hadn't taken his eyes off him since they'd entered the room. “I ran some tests before, he’s pretty messed up- I don’t think he’ll last long like this, anyway.” The way he said it was disturbingly professional, like he was on autopilot, just dealing out straight facts with no emotion.

“Long enough for us to find a solution?” Tangle interjected.

Tails looked down at his brother as he helped him take a few glugs of water, “I don’t know. Depends.” The blunt way he said it definitely implied the answer was closer to no.

Tangle looked on and rubbed her arm anxiously, she needed to get back to Whisper, she should be kept in the loop, but surely she couldn’t leave her friends like this. And Sonic- she wanted to be there when he remembered, and part of her illogically told her that would be soon. Their last encounter had ben so morbid and she really just wanted him to know that she was okay, and no one was mad. Did this have anything to do with that? All the guilt he'd confessed to her weeks ago in a moment of vulnerability when all seemed lost? Was it the Warp Topaz? It just couldn't be all natural, could it? 

Shadow moved off the bed and looked out of the window. There was zero light pollution in Tails’ little neck of the woods, it would have been calm and peaceful if not for the deathly Chaos stink that filled the atmosphere. Now it was just eerie. “His Chaos energy is dwindling. His body and mind can’t heal properly unless he has enough anyway, I know what much.”

Tangle had an idea suddenly, "What about Blaze?"

Shadow turned to her, "The Sol Emeralds?"

"If that's their name!"

Shadow thought for a moment, then nodded. "I'm not expert on them, but maybe introducing a new energy could counterbalance the negative Chaos, at the very least it would diminish the side effects. We'd still have to find all the Chaos Emeralds in order to contact Blaze though, and-"

They all looked back down at Sonic who was visibly fighting with something in his mind. Shadow could've sworn he heard something being muttered, like a conversation with zero structure. It was hard to tell.

Amy took Shadow’s place, and lightly caressed Sonic's head. It especially hurt to see him this way. She'd seen him injured and grumpy and even hopeless more times than she could count on her fingers, but this was a whole other thing. The hero who prided himself on always staying true to yourself, valuing freedom and compassion above all else, had completely lost himself and become a prisoner in his own mind, his once agile and strong body now struggling to just get through the nights on what little energy source it could scrape out of the corners. Amy was putting on a brave face, but part of the reason she’d sought out Knuckle the previous night was because she needed comfort, someone to vent to, cry to, as well as answers. “Is he in pain?” She asked, not sure she wanted to know that specific answer after all.

Tails glared at her for a moment silently, unsure of what to tell her. She sighed, drawing her eyes back to Sonic, his own moving frantically behind the lids. Suddenly they shot open, wide and manic, the dilated pupils staring right through her. He ruthlessly grabbed her hand. Amy jumped, but didn’t scream. “S-Sonic?” She whispered, remaining calm.

“Don’t call me that!” He demanded angrily through singed vocal chords.

Tails was on the ball immediately, trying to pry Sonic’s hand away, but his grip was alarmingly strong. “Needle! Needle! Come on! Let her go!” Sonic was smiling menacingly, borderline frothing at the mouth. He shook Amy's wrist aggressively as Amy gave in and yelped at the pressure, but still tried hard to mask the pain.

“Sonic! Stop!” She cried. She was frightened- she’d never been scared of any of her friends before. Never.

Sonic was wrestling with all the bonds, his ankles, hands, torso. Tails has been thorough, but was it enough? He curved his back, rattling and grunting, the ties rubbed into his skin, it couldn’t be comfortable.

Shadow made his move and jumped onto Sonic, grabbing the wrist of the hand currently crushing Amy’s. He bent it back until it released, Sonic cried out. “Stop this.” Shadow yelled. Sonic continued thrashing and twisting his body into unnatural positions, almost as if actively trying to dislocate his joints. “STOP!” Shadow repeated, pressing Sonic’s arms down beside him. He continued wrestling, best he could, but the weight of Shadow on his chest did not help. He panted, suddenly coughing.

“Shadow get off him!” shouted Tails, noticing his brother struggle. Shadow did as he was told, but kept close incase Sonic tried anything else.

When the coughing fit dyed down, it evolved into a laugh, “You- you can’t do this!” Sonic said through the laughter, “you can’t own me!”

“We’re not trying to! We’re trying to calm you down!” Tails retorted.

“By doing this?”

“You’re not safe by yourself, not until you’re better!” Arguing with Needle was like arguing with a brick wall.

“I was right about you! You only wanted to trick me! Torture me! I was stupid, stupid, stupid for running away!” Sonic kept pulling aggressively, trying to break free, way beyond the regular tolerance for that kind of struggle. The ropes grated at the skin so hard it broke. Tails couldn't help but blame himself for the scene currently unfolding before them. Their friend barely even a husk of his former self. The way he violently insulted them and disregarded his own wellbeing so easily didn't seem like anything remotely close to his friend. Being a husk would be a significant improvement- at least he could work with that. At least he could help him cope and care for him- but this was just impossible. Tails felt the lump from in his throat again. They had to just wait it out, watch helplessly until Sonic became too tired to continue.

* * *

Tangle left the room quickly, she always overestimated her limits. She didn’t want them to see her cry. She looked over at a wonky painting on the wall- a goofy framed picture of Sonic and Tails as kids. Sonic looked so small and soft, Tails looked almost the same- if a little lighter fur. They looked so happy, so proud of the tiny family they'd built from scratch. Tangle only wished he'd known them longer.

“Are you okay?”

The sudden presence shocked her out of her daydream, she laughed it off nervously, wiping her nose with her sleeve. “Yeah....no. Not really.” she sniffed.

Shadow sat down against the wall, “It’s a lot, huh?”

“Yeah,” she agreed, sinking down beside him, “a lot.”

They sat in silence for a moment, until they heard the screams die down completely in the room beside them. They both simultaneously let out a deep sigh of relief.  
“Shadow...” Tangle started, messing with the fluff on her leggings, “what happened-?”

“What do you mean?”

“What was Eggman talking about before?” She knew she wouldn’t get a welcome response immediately, but that was okay, at least she'd tried. But to her surprise Shadow was tired, didn’t even bother to put up a fight.

“It was years ago. I’m not he same hedgehog I was back then- at least I hope not,” there was doubt in his voice.

“I’m not judging. Like, I mean, I don’t know you that well but...I know you’re good. If a bit ya' know, edgy,” she turned to face him trying to evoke a smile, he didn’t return it, only looked down at his shoes solemnly.

“Just...it’s hard to talk about.”

Tangle nodded “I get that. Well, I don’t GET that but I can....imagine something traumatic is hard to...talk about?” she was so awkward. Why did she think starting this conversation would be a good idea? Was her morbid curiosity really that important right now?

“Short answer is what happened to Sonic, the amnesia, being taking advantage of, used essentially as a weapon- that happened to me.” Shadow said, pressing his head back against the wall.

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter. That’s over now. Time to worry about him,” he nodded at the door. Tangle sighed.

Shadow kept silently pondering on how strangely in character their two respective amnesiac situations had been. Shadow's had been at the expense of others, whilst Sonic just kept destroying himself. Sure, he'd tried to attack and destroy, but he hadn't done all that much, not really. Blown up an empty building, caused a few sprinkler systems to go off, grazed an old lady's knee. _Pfft_. _Rookie shit_. What he'd done to himself, or how he'd punished himself was ten times worse. It appeared that even when he wasn’t in his right mind, he couldn't help but be a martyr.

Tangle and Shadow both at for another few moments, safe in their own thoughts, just trying to regain some strength after the long few days they'd had. Their break was ended abruptly as Tails and Amy left the room, suggesting Sonic was sleeping. Tangle got up slowly, smiling to them. “I have to go back to Whisper, I’m sorry, tell me how he is though. Let me know when you need me” she said. Shadow gave a single nod, as Tangle waved sadly to the group who did so back, before turning to exit to workshop.

“What now?” he asked, turning to Amy as Tails as the door closed behind Tangle.

  
Tails rubbed his forehead sleepily. “We think we have a plan....emphasis on _think._ ”

* * *

  
“This feels immoral!” Amy protested as Tails prepared the drug. Sedation was not ideal, but Sonic couldn't last long spending his energy the way he was. He needed to reserve what little they had whilst he and Shadow searched for the Chaos Emeralds.

“We have to. It’s a short term thing, we’ll be quick.”

Shadow sighed at Tails’ false confidence. The emeralds could be literally anywhere. Eggman had had them, obviously, but his destroyed ship and reckless usage meant they were most definitely scattered. It could take them weeks to find them.

Amy held Sonic down whilst Tails administered the injection. Sonic was just waking up when he realised, but too sleepy to protest further than a few exhausted comments. “This is what Ivo did,” he groaned through drowsy movements of rebellion. Tails tried to ignore him, as Sonic watched helplessly as Tails injected the mystery serum into his veins  
“It’s not gonna end...it’s never gonna end!” He wined, his volume rising and falling randomly as the drug kicked in almost immediately.

Tails caved in, he couldn’t just blank his brother like that. “It will end. We’re gonna get you help, just hold on!”

Sonic began to drift away again, “You keep saying that!” he gave a lousy pull at a wrist restraint as he gave in to sleep.

“Okay,” Tails said, as soon as he was confident Sonic was out, “I’m gonna fly Shadow around in the Tornado- he’s like a radar for the emeralds, as you know. When Knuckles gets here, just keep your eyes on him. Seeing as he’s not in peak condition I couldn’t give him much, but he should be out a few hours. When he wakes up he could be dangerous so maybe just try and ignore him. I know It’s hard.” Amy nodded, rubbing her bruised wrist. It thankfully wasn't broken- Sonic’s grasp wasn't as strong as usual, but it still ached.

She looked down at him, was she scared? Surely not. She wasn’t afraid of Sonic, she just didn’t want to be alone with him.

_Knuckles, hurry up._

“Are you good if we go? The sooner the better,” Tails said, hating to leave her but knowing she could handle it.

“Sure!” Amy replied, over compensating a little with the cheeriness. Tails frowned at her transparency, but he was much too busy worrying about literally everything else. She was strong, she'd be fine.

“Okay,” he swallowed, giving Sonic one last glance before leaving to go outside to meet Shadow by the Tornado, “Stay safe” he said.

“You too.”

He closed the door. And like that she was alone. It was just her and Sonic now. Amy took a seat in the comfy chair beside the bed and messed with the fingers of her gloves.

_Knuckles, where are you?_

Sonic twitched in his sleep.

No. He wasn’t asleep. His eyes were open.

“We’re trapped ag’n,” he slurred, "told yuh he’d do ‘his Son’c” it was complete drug induced nonsense, but somehow managed to forcefully arch his back causing the band to press hard into his waist. “How’re they help’n us it's...what Ivo did” the words made no sense, "t-the...beeps." Amy just watched his lazy movements as his unfocused eyes looked drowsily around the room. “Cold” he mumbled to himself, closing his eyes finally.

Amy exhaled, sitting up. He was completely powerless, there was really no need for her to be afraid. She reached for some more blankets that were neatly folded at the end of the bed, and began to tuck them around Sonic. He didn’t budge for a moment, but as she made him more comfortable his eyes shot open again.  
She stared into them, dreading whatever would come next, but didn’t move.

“Y-you’re Amy” he whispered, keeping his eyes wide, not blinking. Amy didn’t know how to react. “I rem’mb’r you.”

Needless to say, that was unexpected- a step in the right direction for sure. She wanted to continue the conversation but he was in no condition to have one. He lost focus for a second, and shuddered.

“N’t good,” he groaned, closing his eyes, “bad."

“Try to sleep” she said calmly, but Sonic suddenly jolted letting out a horrific noise.

He started whimpering quietly to himself, “Don’t do this, don’t do this!” he sounded afraid.

“Sonic, it’s okay. You’re safe. Try to sleep!” she repeated, hoping that given his sudden recollection, he might put two and two together and actually believe her. But suddenly he lurched forward, retching. “Oh no!” Amy grabbed him gently and turned him to his side, just in time for him to empty the small contents of his stomach- so just bile and even more worryingly, blood.

He was shivering and crying, “Don’t do this! We cant keep doin’ this!”

Amy stroked his hand, he let her. “We’ll clean you up, shh, it’s alright!”

“No he-he gave us too much!”

“What do you mean?”

“Tails h-he did too much -t-the medicine” his voice was now louder, stronger.

“He was careful, he wouldn’t have done that to you Sonic, maybe a little error in calculations, but it's nothing you can't handle!”

“Burning!” he complained, as Amy used an old rang from the shelf to clear the vomit, hoping it wasn’t an important one.

“Get out” he groaned.

Amy rolled her eyes, "Sonic I’m staying here to make sure you’re okay, I’m not leaving you like this, even if you want me to!” she tried to be understanding and calm, but he was making no sense. He was delirious, and he needed her, even though he didn’t know it.

* * *

It happened so fast, one moment Needle was gaining control just after the meltdown, once Sonic had gone to sleep, the next his own eyelids became so heavy and his thoughts even more jumbled than ever.

**We’re trapped again. I told you he’d do this, Sonic.**

_It’s not like that this time. They’re helping us._

**How are they helping us? This is just what Ivo did! Making us sleep and have those horrible nightmares!**

_The beeps?_

**Yeah, the beeps.**

His limbs were heavy, he dealt one final struggle before it became too much effort. He saw the creature in the dark, the one that had embraced him back when he escaped the ship. It didn’t have a physical form, it was just haze. Dark and cold. It demanded more from him, and if it didn’t get any, Needle wasn’t sure he could protect them from the fury. It was a huge, an all consuming entity. He dreaded to think that when he’d invited it in the first time around, parts of him had become lost inside it, maybe forever.

Then he felt something, a tear, a rip in fabric.

His left hand was loose, he must have been fighting as he stared deep into the soul of the creature. or maybe Tails had been a little lousy this time around, thinking the drugs wouldn't be the main thing wearing him out. How silly.

**We need to get out. We need more of the energy. We need to feel that rush again.**

_We can’t get out! We’re too tired. Too cold._

**No we’re not.**

Needle opened his eyes, confronted by the distorted image of a pink hedgehog, she felt miles away. He had an amazing idea, it was almost exciting.

**Let’s make her let us out!**

_No. She wont anyway, she’s too smart._

**We can trick her!**

_Why would we trick our friends?_

**They’re not friends! We already hurt her. Did you forget?**

_Why did you do that?_

**They're not our friends! I told you!**

Needle shuddered, the presence was growing. Slowly gnawing away at his insides like a maggot.

**I heard someone call her Amy. The one with the long tail, she called her Amy.**

_Why does it matter Needle? Can't we just sleep?_

**No! I’m not giving up. You can sleep, but I’ll be piloting for now.**

_Whatever._

Needle hadn’t closed his eyes, he kept staring at the hedgehog intensely.

“You’re Amy.”

_What are you doing?_

**Getting us out.**

He felt a blanket covering him, most importantly covering his loose hand. Perfect.  
“I remember you” he said, as he stared hazily at the pink hedgehog, he needed to keep her gaze so he could loop his hand from the strap.

**She likes us. We can use that.**

_We can’t manipulate her! We’re not monsters!_

**No but we need to escape, we need to be safe. Does this scenario feel safe to you? Really? Deep inside, does this feel safe?**

_....no._

Needle moved his hand down slowly to the scar on his stomach, it was almost healed thanks to Ivo’s tireless work, and of course, credit was due to that sweet Chaos Energy, but the stitches still remained, the fresh skin still fragile.

_What are you doing?_

**Do you remember this happening? Were you there for that? This is from when you became part of me. We were shattered, broken up into tiny fragments on the floor, and you forced yourself to become part of me. This wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for you.**

_Needle..._

Needle dug his fingers into the skin.

**You’re coming out. You’re not needed. You slow us down.**

He dug in his nails deeper, the skin tore.

Sonic cried out. It was his job, to feel the pain when Needle didn’t understand. Needle protected him from the memories, he protected Needle from the pain. It was an unspoken deal.

_Needle, this is not a good idea!_

It was too intense, his intoxicated brain wasn't certain how to react. The neurons groggy and confused over what messages to send back to base. The pressure on the still sore wound made him gag.

**I’m getting rid of you for good.**

_No, no please stop. It burns! You can't get rid of me like that, that's not how it works!_

The smell of his own blood tinted bile sent Sonic spiraling. He couldn’t cope with this anymore, but he couldn’t leave Needle, and he couldn’t leave the life he used to have- even if he wasn’t sure what it contained. Something in him told him it was good. He trusted these people more than Needle did- he couldn’t let Needle destroy everything.  
But he wouldn’t survive this pain either.

_Needle. I can’t be present with you. Not right now. It hurts too much._

**Go.**

_I’ll always be here._

**Don’t be.**

And like that, he was gone. Needle laughed. Pathetic. It was his body now, and he needed that Chaos Energy. He was going to get it one way or another.

“Amy” he said out loud- or he thought he did. It was hard to tell with how fuzzy things were, “It’s me. It’s Sonic. I’m back.”

Amy looked him over in disbelief, grasping her hands to her mouth. “Sonic? How do you feel?” she was overjoyed. Needle couldn't wait to shit all over her cereal.

“Okay” he groaned. He really didn’t. Sonic might have gone and taken the pain with him, but Needle was left with the physical side effects. The dizziness, weakness, nausea.

“Liar!” Amy joked, as she moved him into a more comfortable position. It felt good, he even appreciated it, but he didn’t know how Sonic would react, he had to guess.

“I’m not going to hurt you, please get these off me now,” he grumbled.

She frowned, maybe she wasn’t as gullible as she looked. “Not until the others get back, you understand, right?”

No. He didn’t. He had no patients anymore. He was BORED of this. Bored of being restrained and exhausted and manipulated and sick and fractured. Everything was so BORING.

And he needed that energy so badly.

Using his free hand, he started to untie the left side, whilst pretending to have fallen back into sleep, then he did the same with the torso restraint. When it was free, he sat up quickly

Amy gasped. “What-?”

He used his speed, his power, to quickly free his feet. Not fast as he remembered, but he still managed before Amy could fully react and ran to the door, standing by it, staring Amy down, ready to attack if he had to- if she didn’t let him go.

“Sonic! Sonic! It’s okay!” she cried. What a liar!

Needle roared “I AM NOT SONIC!” as he slammed his fist to the wall. He was still drained, but was something keeping him going, the craving for the energy, otherwise he would’ve just collapsed there and then.

Amy lunged at him, but he moved out of the way easily. “You need to rest, Sonic! They’re bringing the Chaos Emeralds soon!”

Had had to admit, that did sound like a good enough reason to stay, but he'd been listening in. They weren't using them to give him more of that amazing, cold yet comforting power, they were using them to get the Princess, the one he'd met in the castle weeks ago, and she was going to purge it out of him

She was going to get rid of him. Balance him out. Bring him back together.

He didn’t want any of it.

Maybe he craved the energy, but he craved freedom more. He’d have to go without, starve himself of it. He could do that. Would that kill him?

He looked over to the window. The reflection, it stared at him, Sonic was still about, wanting to talk him out of something. He grinned at the blue hedgehog and once again stabbed his fingers into the wound. “Ahh!” He cried, as he fell down. But it wasn’t his reaction. It was Sonic’s. Not his issue anymore.

Amy ran over to him, “Sonic! Stop! You’re hurting yourself, let’s clear that up!” she said, kneeling down beside him.

“N-no! I’m not hurting” he panted, clawing at the ground. It was just uncomfortable.

“Let’s get you into bed, come on,” she tried to pull him up, but Needle stumbled backwards, facing her.

“Don’t touch me.”

Amy lifted her arms away, “Okay. Just come to bed!”

“I’m not doing anything you say” he huffed, getting back up to his feet with great effort, using the wall as support. His hand was clutching the wound, freshly bloody.

Then someone barged through the door. Someone unexpected. Unknown. Another threat he'd have to push away.

“Knuckles!” Amy called “Help!”

The red echidna looked between the pink hedgehog and him, trying to figure out what was going on. Eventually he sused something.

“He’s gone bananas! Tails drugged him to keep him asleep but I guess it didn't work!" she called whilst Knuckles grabbed Needle. He screamed violently.

“Get of me! Fuck! Get off! Get off! I’ll kill you!”

“Yeah sure you will,” he threw Needle’s head to the floor.

Knuckles suddenly felt bad when his hands noticed the difference. This wasn't the Sonic he was used to, strong and agile and cocky, ready to take on whatever came his way. This one was frail and boney, and not in any way matched.

Needle laughed, between coughs and splutters, “You’re pathetic!” Knuckles rolled his eyes, hoisting Needle up, slightly more gently this time, but keeping him restrained.

Needle tried to wiggle out, but Knuckles’ grip was strong. Then he had a fun idea...

**Remember that move? What was it? How did we do it?**

Nothing. Sonic was still gone.

**Okay fine! I'll figure something out.**

Suddenly Needle ducked, and bit Knuckles hard on the arm. The echidna growled in more annoyance than pain, but still he loosed his grip enough for Needle to break free. He bolted for the window, smashing it to pieces as he ran into the night. The shattering was like music to his ears, the wound no longer stung, Sonic was gone.

Free at last.


	12. The Frost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang fucks up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo! Sorry I've not updated for a hot second I accidentally gave myself mild hypothermia but i'm good now, it's just the nordic life perks init  
> I'll try an upload another today or tomorrow since I'm really in the writing mood, hope this one isn't too fast paced though.

  
“What the hell?” Knuckles yelled, as Sonic sped away into the night. The wind blew fiercely through the broken window, the curtain being sucked outside.  
Amy reacted quickly, “Knuckles, we have to go after him!” she demanded, charging for the door. Knuckles nodded and followed her out the room.  
“He went right!” she said, running ahead once they left the house, she was faster than him in more ways than one. Knuckles ran behind her. Terrifying thoughts filled her head. Sonic wasn't safe, mainly to himself. He seemed to be going through manic spells of being suddenly energised despite his body being so run down by the events of the last few days. He was playing with fire.

“What even happened? That didn’t look like feral Chaos energy to me?” Knuckles asked as they ran.  
“No, it’s not he’s just...I don't know! ” she said, eyes searching the darkness quickly. There was no sign of Sonic. Even in his condition he was still fast. Why? “I don’t understand!” She sighed defeatedly, stopping suddenly. Knuckles caught up to her and faced her directly.  
“What is it, Amy?”  
“He was dying! Like a day ago he literally would have been dead if it wasn't for Shadow doing some crazy Chaos Control stuff! I just don't understand where he's getting the energy for this!" she put a hand to her head in confusion, looking to Knuckles expecting him to know something.  
Knuckles visibly thought for a minute.  
“Well, huh. I guess if he’s activated a new type of Chaos it can linger in the body for a while?”  
“No, no! Shadow took it out of him, that's what I'm saying! He used some kinda Chaos Control transfusion. It was gone!” She stressed, pacing up and down the grass. It was. Freezing outside, if Sonic suddenly collapsed out here he'd-

_No. Bad thought. Focus on the now, not the 'what ifs'._

“It’s not that binary. You can’t just take all the energy from someone- especially not a hedgehog. You all need Chaos to survive- so you always have a small amount even if it’s dormant” Knuckles said.  
Amy paused her pacing and turned to him “So you’re saying he still has the corrupted energy?”  
“Kind of. I’d say if he’s been drained of it he’ll have this sort of adrenaline reaction. His body will be in survival mode, essentially running on fumes.”  
“So if he doesn’t get any soon he’ll....”  
“Shut down? Yeah.”

* * *

  
**Where to, where to?**

No response.

**Okay! Look! I’m sorry! Will you just come out?**

The crickets chirping in the bushes seemed to mock the silence.

**I don’t need you anyway! I can find my way just fine!**

He looked around, everything looked the same in the dim moonlight. Truly, he had no idea where to go. Needle grunted tiredly at the conundrum, did he just fuck up tremendously? 

Could he afford to think like that? Who's thought even was it? The lines between him and Sonic were so blurred and confusing now. Every time he realised something, a face, a voice, a room, they merged together more. It gave Needle all the more reason to stop him remembering, then they could be distant again and exist in peace.

But had he even....known peace? Not knowing peace seemed to be part of his job description.

He was so hungry.

No, not hungry. Starving. The energy, that’s all he could think about. The beautiful glow of the emeralds, their coolness, healing, comforting embrace- then the power they gave him. He wanted to absorb it all up into his body and- and just-

"No!" He scrunched his eyes shut, trying hard to ignore the feeling.

**No more. Forget the emeralds.**

**We’re going cold turkey remember?**

_We can’t do that._

The reply was quiet, barely more than a whisper in his head, tucked away behind hundreds of other jumbled thoughts and emotions, but it was undoubtedly Sonic.

**Sonic!**

_Needle, we can’t do that._

**Wh-What’s wrong?**

_We’ll die. We’re mess. There’s nothing in us anymore. We can't survive out here._

**But I feel fine!**

_That’s because I’m feeling it all, and it’s agony. We’re tired. We need to go back._

**Did you only come out to tell me to go back?**

_Yeah._

Needle sat down on the wet grass. It was freezing outside, but he long to be colder. So cold he couldn’t feel himself anymore.

_I trust them, I know you don’t, but I know you trust me even if you pretend not to._

**What makes you think I trust you?**

_Because you’re lost and you asked me for help._

**I’m only using you because you know more than me.**

_I don’t though. We’re literally the same person, whatever I know, you know too. You can’t use me, I’m not another person, I’m just the part of you that wants to trust and heal and know._

**Then what are these conversations?**

_Just thoughts._

**So I’m just a thought? I’m not real? I only exist because we think this way?**

_Needle, we’re all just thoughts. Everyone is just thoughts. We’re all just memories and feelings and-_

**But I don’t have any of those!**

_You do! Because I have them! I know you think it's your job to protect me from feeling and remembering but it's not. You're just afraid to for yourself. You're afraid that if I remember you'll disappear._

**Then what is the point of me? What is my role in all of this?**

_You're still protecting us, just not in that way. You're the survival, the last scrapings of energy we have, and you're using it to get us out of all these dangerous situations. If it weren't for you we'd be dead by now._

**So if I'm here to help us survive why are we dying? Why are you trying to make me go back? Did I make a bad call this time?**

_I think so._

**Then- okay - then I have to work with this. I-**

Needle lay down on the grass, feeling Sonic forcing him down, realising how weak he was. He'd messed up, really bad. He needed to think of something fast but this was all too much. He couldn't go back, he needed something familiar, even if it wasn’t safe.  
“I-I need it” he shivered to himself, not knowing it was from him or Sonic. They both felt it. They were both desperate.

**We should find Ivo.**

_Why?_

**Because he’s the only one I know! He can help us!**

_He tortured us! He’s the reason we’re dying!_

**But he's the root cause of...this! Maybe he can figure something out.**

_I-I guess._

Suddenly an aggressive volt of pain stung deep in his chest, Needle struggled to find the breaths as he lay himself back down slowly.

Cold. Cold. Cold.  
Not the good cold.  
Not the cold that gave him purpose, the one that rattled his hollow bones.

**We have to run.**

_Needle...I can’t!_

**I’ll run. I have some strength left. We only need to get to Ivo and then we will be safe! Please trust me!**

Sonic didn’t have the energy to argue over how flawed Needle's plan was, he was fading away. He wilfully gave Needle the reigns. He could take this, distract the body from the pain so Needle could take them to safety.

It was a horrible plan, but there was no option. He couldn't control this.

_Tails said he’s in prison. I have a vague idea where that is. I can- I can guide you, if you take us._

**Okay.**

* * *

The ship was nothing but a singed lump of blackened metal abandoned on the shore. Though the flames had long since been extinguished by the elements, smoked continued to rise above it and drift into the atmosphere.

Tails kicked the burnt carcasses of the abandoned badniks as Shadow used his super strength to move entire chunks of the broken ship to access the inside again. The smell was ghastly.

"Here!" he called to Tails, "This is where I was before. Easier to see inside without the fire now."

Tails threw Shadow a flashlight that he caught smooth and effortlessly. They both crouched under the short entrance, coughing as the ash and sooth filled the concentrated air.

"Oh man!" Tails covered his mouth, "I feel bad for these robots. Hope Orbot and Cubot are okay, they're not so bad." 

Shadow rolled his eyes at Tails, but secretly he admired his ability to see the good in people, it was something he'd picked up from Sonic- though Sonic's forgiveness was more reckless and naïve. It was what had gotten them into this whole mess in the first place.

Suddenly, Shadow saw a blue light from the corner of his eye. It was flashing.

"This way!" he hushed, and Tails followed close behind.

They moved cautiously down a narrow corridor, the closer they got, the brighter the flashing blue light became. Shadow instinctively shoved Tails behind him, who frowned.

"I can fend for myself you know, man!" he protested in a whisper.

"Yeah, you were great when Sonic was kidnapped last year!" Shadow snapped, he didn't have time for the fox's insecurity, not now.

"And some good you were too!" 

"Tails!" Shadow raised his voice, it rumbled through the thin metal of the dead ship. Tails hushed him violently, and pushed passed, ahead of Shadow.

The hallway lead to reached a huge control room- or what used to be one, and it was hard to really see behind the cloud of fumes and smoke. Tails ran closer to the blue light in the far corner of the room, and damn near jumped out of his skin when suddenly a face looked up at him. Two glowing red eyes. 

"Metal?"

Metal beeped in response, it was distorted and broken. When Tails got a closer look, he realised how broken Metal was. One of his arms was hanging off, his mouth plate bashed in, his burnt body sat slumped over a box.

"Doesn't look like much of a threat anymore," Shadow mocked, couching beside Tails who was examining the damage. Metal's eyes met Shadow's, who smirked at his pathetic attempt to intimidate. "I swear, Tails, if you decide to fix him up again..."

"Shadow!" the fox interrupted as he opened the box.

Shadow frowned, "why didn't I feel them?" Six of the Chaos Emeralds glowed rainbow in the smoke, "I don't understand!"

"Don't they need to scatter to recharge? If Metal collected them immediately, then they've not had a chance to!"

"Fuck! So we found them, and we can't even use them. Great!"

"No, there's one missing, if we find that one maybe it can boost the others? It's worth a shot, makes our job easier!" Tails said, passing the box to Shadow forcefully, as he gathered up the remains of Metal Sonic.

"Oh, Tails, what are you doing with that?" Shadow sighed.

Tails shrugged, "Maybe he can help."

Shadow just exhaled "For such a genius you are such an idiot! Did you forget what happened last time?"

"I know he can't be programmed for good or even neutrality but...."

"He serves Eggman, and ONLY Eggman!" Shadow was clutching his head in frustration.

"Then we take him to Eggman and make HIM order Metal to help us!" Tails yelled, no longer afraid of stray badniks who might still have been active. He was tired. He needed to get the Emeralds. "Sonic doesn't have long, Shadow! We need all the help we can get! I don't care how crazy it sounds!"

"That's the problem!" Shadow exclaimed, kicking Metal's already smashed up leg, "You don't care! As long as there's short term relief, you don't care! And then we're left with even more mess than before!" shaking his rage, grabbed Metal from Tails' arms, throwing the disgraced robot to the ground. "Useless piece of SHIT!" Shadow growled, continuing to kick him over and over.

Tails ran in front of them, and immediately Shadow stopped. "Calm down! Please!" he didn't notice he was crying, but Shadow did, and looked at him with sympathy, and guilt. "I'm tired! I just want my brother to be okay! Just let me _try_!"

Shadow sighed as he sat down on the dusty ground, hugging himself in.

"I'm sorry. I get it. I'm just...worried. About him, about Sonic, about...everyone. I just want there to be some peace in this world for a while." he sulked. Tails wiped his tears away, and nodded. 

"I know." was all he said, before his communicator started beeping, "it's Amy. _Shit_." he pressed the receive call button "Everything okay?"

Amy's voice rang through the speaker.

_"Tails! It's Sonic! He got out! Me and Knuckles are looking or him but- but we just don't know!"_

* * *

  
Eventually, Needle arrived at the prison gates. His feet were sore, the pain clearly now too much for Sonic to handle alone, it was seeping through the cracks of their fractured bond. But he could bare some, anything to keep them going, just a little longer.

He looked up at the grey building surrounded by the huge barbed wire fence. It looked so threatening in the night.

“Where to now?” He said out loud, confronted with the reality of how sore and dry his throat was.

_If we- if you have any s-strength left we can- we can jump the fence and- and run up to the roof and-_

**Break through it?**

_Y-yeah. Less obvious._

Needle frowned guiltily at how exhausted Sonic was. This was all his fault.

**Sonic, I’m sorry for hurting you.**

_It’s fine._

**For real, I’m sorry.**

_Just save us._

He nodded to himself, readying his body best he could to leap across the fence. One bad move and he'd injured himself further, and there wasn't time for that.

He backed up slowly, finding a position where he could get a reasonable run up, and launched himself over. He managed, just, and not nearly as graceful and smooth as normal, but he did it, that was the main thing. Now for just one final stretch.

Needle ran towards the blocky prison walls, his feet aching and joins wobbly, but he was doing it, just like old times. Again, he revved himself up with a big run up, and blindly went for it, speeding vertically up and up the prison walls, and-

“NO!” 

It was just a second, if that. An overwhelming sense of weakness overcame him, causing him to lose his footing. His ankle twisted awkwardly before he fell, straight back down, too quickly to fully acknowledge until he landed on the ground with a crack.  
The shock took the breath away from him for a whole minute, he could do nothing more than just lay there.

**Are we dead?**

He moved his head a little to the right, seeing his splayed arms beside him. He moved his fingers. Not paralysed. Good.

But he could feel the pain all over now, angry and relentless. Something was wrong.

“Sonic?” He croaked.

Nothing. It was too much. He was gone.

Needle swallowed his breath as he tried to turn to his front. He barely managed. His head was ringing, his back felt crushed. He crawled forwards, unsure of where he was actually going.

**What now?**

**Do I just give up?**

**Just die here?**

**Alone?**

**Sonic, please say something. I don't know what to do.**

**Please.**

**It’s so cold.**

**I can’t go on.**

**I can’t.**

Needle lay his head down on the wet grass, letting out a deep sigh. At least this was peaceful, he only wished he wasn’t so alone. All he could do now was wait.


	13. The Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang are reunited at long long last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have had like 50% motivation to write so this chapter came out slowly. Hope it's not too messy.

“Sonic?”

Through the pressing cold and damp air, he felt someone stood above him, he barely sensed their presence at first, even tried to ignore it, hoping it was a tired hallucination. Everything was just calling him into sleep. The voice was familiar, but he didn't have the motivation to investigate further. Whatever was about to happen would happen, he was helpless to stop any turn of events.

“Or are you still Needle?”

It was Ivo, but his voice was rougher, less gentle, scratching his vocal chords almost intentionally. 

“He-help” muffled Needle into the mud. He hated to beg, it truly confirmed his patheticness, but it was his only shot for the both of them now. His pride would have to take a back seat.

Ivo chuckled nastily “Help? Help you after all you did? After you betrayed me? Blew apart my ship? My life's work?”

Needle dug his head down deeper in shame, the earth stank. He deserved this. He'd fired his shot, and it had not been welcomed, nothing more could be done, he just had to wait for-

_“AHH!”_

Needle shocked himself with his own scream as something snapped in his shoulder, it was sudden and unexpected, he tried to control his breathing once it was over, but the sharp ache lingered, and he cried through the pain. The ability to suppress his instincts seemed to have decayed with Sonic.

“Oh don’t be such a baby! You can’t tell me you’ve spent your life loop-de-looping all over my plans and never once had to re-locate a joint?” Ivo bellowed, prodding Needle aggressively with his foot.

  
Needle kept staring at the dark grass in front of him, his breath slowly returning to what was now considered normal, as his tears dried with the wind. He was grabbed up harshly by Ivo, head lulling like a newborn as it struggled to process the sudden shift in gravity. He wanted to ask what had made Ivo change his mind, but he needed to save his energy. He clung to Ivo to help himself stand. It felt weird to be the one initiating contact, the fears were still there, but he was too tired to indulge them. There were bigger priorities now.

“You somehow look even worse than when I last saw you,” Ivo smirked, Needle continued to say nothing, just standing up was exhausting.  
“Why are you holding me like that? It’s weird!”

Needle moved away “S-sorry”, but he stumbled, only to be quickly scooped up again.

"I guess that’s the answer.” Ivo sighed, lifting him up over his shoulder, before taking one final glance at the prison. No alarms. Yet.

He ducked under a freshly cut hole in the fence, and pelted as fast as he could into the forest before them, clearly trying to make up for his unfortunate delay. Needle watched in a haze as Ivo took random turns, going in no particular direction. Weaving in and out of the towering pine trees that looked like the legs of some of Ivo’s most troublesome robots in the dark. But Needle didn’t care. He just needed to keep breathing, but the cold made it so difficult.

**S-Sonic?**

Still nothing. Still alone.

Eventually they came to a stop. Ivo placed Needle down on the forest floor, the pine leaves pricked his back but it was too much effort to move, he could only look around, try and make out shapes in the dark. He didn't like the dark, it amplified his loneliness tenfold. He truly had no one. Not Tails, not Shadow, not even Sonic, and now he couldn't even have the beautiful greens and blues and yellows of nature.

“I need you to help us,” he gasped eventually, looking to where Ivo had sat on tree stump, catching his breath. 

"No." 

"Please. You-you already did this much. I know I have no right to ask more for you but..."

Ivo raised his arms irritably, “What could you possibly need from me? You’ve already destroyed everything that I have!” he snapped in a hushed voice, looking anxiously back in the direction of the prison

Needle stared upwards, realising the sky was clear now and he could see thousands of stars- maybe the dark wasn't so lonely, “I need someone who-who knows me,” he said, looking over to Ivo again, who was rubbing his eyes, clearly scheming.

“Thought you were crashing with that no good 'resistance' again?” he replied, glaring down at Needle.

“No, me! They know Sonic, they don’t know me! I-I exist because of you. You- you made me!” It was so hard to breathe, but he forced himself to sit upright. A little dignity whilst he begged seemed worth the expense.   
Ivo frowned menacingly, then laughed a little, “You, Needle? You are nothing! You don’t exist 'because of me', you don't even exist! You’re merely a failed art piece! You were a blank canvass I tried to paint anarchy all over, but you were already corrupted. You weren't as empty as I thought you were, you're nothing more than Sonic’s guilt over the Metal Virus that I aided in amping up whilst you were infected. That’s why you’re here! You think you have a purpose?” His words were vile and sharp and they spat at Needle like bullets, but he all he could focus on was those two words. Those two dreadful words.

Metal Virus.

It made his whole body freeze up, like a wave of realisation not quite realised.

“Metal...virus....” he muttered to himself, as it started to dawn on him.

“What was that?”

“Metal virus!” He shouted, forcing himself to sit up best he could- all the blood rushed from his head. It seemed to pool below the surface of his now scabbed over stomach wound. He held it.

**Sonic.**

**It's too late. I'm sorry! I tried!**

He dug his fingers into it again.

**_No._ No we can't hurt you anymore. But...But.**

**I'm so scared. _We know._**

**How much?** _I don't know!_ **Everything? _Do we know everything_**

He couldn't stop thinking about the awful smell of it, like blood and ice and petrol. How it covered his fur with a freezing, fizzy, stabbing pain in every single cell. It covered his hands like goo before seeping into his blood stream, transforming his skin. 

And he couldn't touch anyone. He'd been so fucking lonely.

“Needle?”

Needle was just staring into the distance, eyes wide in terror.

“You still there?”

He waited a moment, then the tiny little voice crept out again.

“It’s my fault.” it said.

“What?”

“The virus. I-I made a mistake. I screwed up. And everyone....got hurt....I” he was looking around anxiously, as if he'd only just noticed where he was, or awoken from a dream.

“Oh yeah, that” Ivo tried to laugh it off nervously.

“And _you_ -"

“Yeah, ha, I invented it. Not my best run.” he shrugged. Was it all just a joke to him?

“You’re Eggman! That's your name! You lied! YOU LIED!” Needle was getting angry, it burned inside his chest like lava, heart beating so fast it felt like it was going to explode. He tried to get up but it was useless, instead electing to drag himself over the ground to Eggman, not caring how pathetic he looked anymore.

“Needle?” Eggman stood up suddenly, as Needle grabbed the stump and used it to hoist himself up onto shaking legs. It was pure cowardice- there was no way he could be a genuine threat. Who _was_ he?

"You hurt us! You hurt everyone!" He screamed, limping forwards with every ounce of his strength. He was going to die, this argument, confrontation, was going to be his last act on the earth, and he didn't even care.

"Is that even news to you?" Eggman laughed, he continued to back away despite Needle's incredibly slow, gradual advance.

"And...and I enabled you. I _trusted_ you! I trusted you just like this time, I keep trusting you and you keep hurting me!" he sobbed, clutching his chest.

**Any minute now.**

"You foolish little maggot! You have this crazy idea that you save the world but you only endanger everyone, continuing to forgive and trust and- ha! It only leads to more destruction. Your need to see the good in people is your hubris! You are constantly doomed to fail!" Eggman shouted through a smile, suddenly walking over to Needle, looking down at him; so small, powerless, minutes from death. They could both feel it.

Suddenly alarms sounded in the distance, Eggman turned to where they had run from, hearing rustling in the bushes. Shit. They'd started searching before setting off the alarms, of course they had. He'd been sloppy, letting himself be wrapped up the hedgehog’s problems yet again.

Two cold hands gripped his arm. He looked down. Needle was panting painfully.

"It's over, Needle," he said, prying the fingers off his sleeve, watching for a moment as the scrawny hedgehog fell backwards onto the ground with ragged breaths.

Needle's eyes remained open as he wheezed heavily, slow and grating. Eggman stared at him one final time, before turning around, running off into the darkness.

* * *

Shadow's eyes scoured the tiny world below, even with the search lights of the Tornado it was still hard to make out anything in the dark, and still three hours until sunrise. Something made him feel they didn't have that long. 

"Where would he even go?" Tails whispered to himself. Shadow knew it was a rhetorical question but it wouldn't hurt to answer.

"Depends if he remembers anything. Did he say anything today?"

"He knows I'm his brother, but I've told him that already so- I don't know!" Tails sighed as he hit the steering wheel in frustration. 

Shadow thought for a minute, wondering if their searching above was actually just wasting more time.

"Tails, look, I don't think we're gonna get anywhere with this let's just find that damn seventh Chaos Emerald and try and get through to Blaze!" Tails turned to him sadly, he knew he was right, this was going nowhere.

"Okay, yeah, you're right. I'll land us down-" something interrupted him. Flashing lights below indicating something was very wrong.

Shadow noticed it too, "Is that the prison?"

Tails frowned, "Yeah, uh- change of plan" he headed down quickly. He wanted to believe that is was an unrelated incident so badly, but it was the high security prison Eggman had been locked up in, and knowing the mustached fiend's antagonistic cleverness and tendency to not stay imprisoned for very long, they had to check it out.

They landed carefully on the ground. Shadow dealt Metal a glare from where he'd been tied to the seat, "Don't try anything!" he warned. Metal booped harshly in response as Shadow hopped gracefully to the ground.

"Eggman?" he suggested.

"Don't doubt it" Tails replied as he flew down to join beside Shadow, holding the box containing the Emeralds, "I'm not leaving these around Metal"

Shadow nodded, walking over to large gap in the wired fence. "Definitely Eggman," he almost laughed. "This way, everywhere else would be too obvious, and he's not fast" he said, running onwards to where the forest started. Tails followed.

It wasn't pitch black, the lights from the prison gave the trees an eerie glow, and the stars up ahead served as a glimmer of hope. Tails stared at them as he walked, almost bumping into everything, but he couldn't look away. They made him think of Sonic. When they were kids with no physical home, they would huddle together in the forests at night. When Tails got afraid of the dark, Sonic would remind him that the darkness only allowed the stars to shine even brighter above them. It didn't completely diminish his fears, but it did provide some comfort. The main source of safety always came from the simple presence his older brother.

Suddenly, Shadow stopped dead in his tracks, shushing Tails who hadn't even said anything. They stood in complete silence- and that's when Tails heard it. A rustling. Panting. Shadow hid stealthily behind a tree as Tails ducked behind a bush and peeped overhead.

"Eggman!" he hissed.

Shadow felt something, warm and familiar in his soul, he smirked to himself then looked at Tails.

"You won't believe this!" he said, immediately jumping into action, parkoring over the bushes and into the clearing where Eggman stood anxiously looking in every direction- clearly lost. He was so wrapped up in his own head that he didn't even realise when Shadow roundhouse kicked him in the head.

Eggman cussed, then looked up, met with two extremely pissed off red eyes. "Oh come ON!" he sighed resentfully.

Shadow jumped on top of him, forcing his arms over his head, "Give it to me."

"I don't know what you're talking about, rat!" Eggman snarled.

"Pathetic! I can feel it! Give me the emerald or I'll have to take it by force!"

"These don't belong to you, you know! They're part of the earth. Anyone has the right to- AGH!" he was shut up abruptly as Shadow socked him hard in the cheek.

"It's over, Doctor!" he shouted, louder- intentionally so, so the searching guards would be alerted to their location.

Eggman spluttered, "You seem awfully worried about this Emerald- more so than your silly little pincushion boyfriend!" he mocked, Shadow loosened his grip slightly, pretending to be distracted, but when Eggman forced himself free, the doctor was instantaneously greeted by a very angry Tails.

"Where is he?" he demanded.

"No idea. I'm lost, he's lost-"

"He's in this forest?"

"Physically, yes. Whether or not he's still alive and kickin' is another question!"

Tails looked at Shadow, who seemed equally shaken. Eggman simply laughed at their solemn expressions.

"Think I really did it this time, huh? Oh, come on! Can’t even admit you're a little impressed?" He flapped his arms up in fake annoyance, "Well, can't win 'em all!"

Shadow's ears pricked up as he turned his head. They were close. Perfect. He signaled to Tails, whose alert ears indicted that he had also heard, as he restrained Eggman once again.

"HEY! HEY HE'S HERE!" Tails yelled to the flashlights coming in the distance.

Shadow reached into Eggman's prison uniform and pulled the last Chaos Emerald out from his pocket. "I don't even know how you managed to get this through security but-"

A burning streak of light suddenly came blazing through the forest, stripping the nearby trees of their tops, they fell down around the gang like clumps. Shadow grabbed Tails out of the way, saving him from being crushed by the skin of his teeth.

"What was that?!" Tails cried, breaking free from Shadow's clutch.

Eggman was gone. He was GONE!

"Metal Sonic!" Shadow grunted as Tails rubbed his arm anxiously, "No matter," continued Shadow surprisingly calmly, "we have the emeralds. We know -roughly- where Sonic is. Let's get a hold of Blaze."

* * *

He hung on the edge of the darkest abyss, not floating, just hanging by a thread. Ironic. He should be the one to take the thread, mend whatever mess he'd made. Mend the wound. Mend the bond between them. But instead he kept breaking things. Shattering. Burning. 

**I'm not scared of the dark.**

He looked deeper into the tunnel below him.

**Maybe I'm scared of the dark.**

**No. No, I'm scared of being alone.**

He saw something floating down below, he couldn't quite make out the shape, but some speck of light from above him echoed a blue shimmer.

It was Sonic.

This was water. Not darkness. Not a void of nothingness from which he'd never return. Just water.

And Sonic was afraid of water. Needle had to get him out. 

Wait- did that mean he was afraid of water?

 **Shit!**

He was. He was Sonic, of course he was also afraid of water, but he was the version that had to confront that fear- like Sonic had said, he was the survival. It didn't matter that he was scared, he had to dive in. 

So he did, not even taking a breath, he didn't even have any left anyway.

He found he sank like a stone, the wet and the cold didn't even phase him anymore. Was this peace?

He reached for Sonic's hand, but he was completely unconscious. **Fuck.**

He swam deeper, grabbed the blue hedgehog, and tried desperately to swim up the the surface. He couldn't handle the extra weight- instead he started sinking. 

**Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck! No! No he has to live! _We have to live! We....We deserve to._**

_**We.** _

**_We're the same person._** **Fuck.** _**There's no extra weight, it's just me, I just can't swim.**_

Needle clung to Sonic, he couldn't do anything now. Couldn't save him, nor himself, he just let himself sink deeper and deeper. He couldn't breath. His lungs filled up with water more and more with every passing second. It stung so bad, and then he relaxed, letting the depths engulf them.

Him. 

* * *

Shadow closed his eyes.

_Focus._

He found the Chaos active within the tiny emerald, and couldn't help but smile at the rush of excited energy that shot through him. There wasn't a doubt in his mind that this would awaken the others.

Tails looked on nervously from the side, still so mortified that he hadn't tied Metal Down securely enough, that he'd mistaken him for guards, and basically given Eggman right back. This was the same mistake he and Sonic had made with the Metal Virus all over again. Shadow was right, he never learned. Even if he got his brother back- how long would it be until he lost him again? Before this, the virus, before that, the war, and how he'd dreaded the exact same thing. Him never coming back.

He was just so tired of the constant worry, and morning, even if there were minuscule breaks between to goof around. Tails wanted some stability now more than anything. Just for everyone to be safe and happy and well. Eggman being imprisoned was their one chance at achieving that and he'd completely screwed it all up-

"Tails?" he jumped at the soft voice that greeted him. He looked up from his feet.

"Blaze? H-how did you get here so fast?" he eagerly shook the hand she'd offered as a comfort, looking around to see Shadow, the super form he'd not even realised had been activated now already diminishing.

Blaze met Tails' gaze eventually with a small chuckle, "Funny story. I got alerted by the Sol Emeralds, I have, it seems, made a grave misjudgment. One that must be fixed urgently," she got sadder as the sentence progressed. Tails just smiled as Shadow walked up behind her.

"We met at a crossroads in there. It was ...strange," he shuddered, looking behind him. He didn't mess around with dimension hopping for a reason.

Blaze started to lead the way immediately, leaving Tails almost jogging to keep up.

"Do you know where he is?" he asked, hating how childlike he suddenly sounded. He knew Blaze saw him as an equal but their age and ranking differences made it hard to believe that deep inside. Sometimes it was hard to tell what confidence was genuine and what was fake.

Blaze continued forward, he voice now much sterner and determined, "He's somewhere in the center of these woods" then her tone faltered, "at least he was before." 

* * *

**We don't need oxygen to communicate.**

**I'm still here, which means we're not dead, which means there's hope.**

**Please hold on, I know it hurt so bad because- I can feel it too now. I can take it for a bit, if you hold on.**

_It's over now. We can't do anything anymore._

**Sonic!**

_We have no one. There's nothing left._

**There is! I promise! Tails-**

_I don't REMEMBER him._

**He's our brother.**

_But I don't remember. I can't g-go back out there and....and not know anything. I can't be me all on my own._

**I'll be with you!**

_You're just -no- Needle I can't!_

**Please just hold on, please!**

_Our body is a wreck we might not even survive, even with a miracle cure._

**But we've got to try!**

_I thought this is what you wanted!_

**Not anymore! Please, I want to stay alive and remember and help you remember and be....be peaceful for once!**

**Please.**

**Do you see that?!**

**Sonic do you see that?**

**SONIC?!**

* * *

They reached a clearing, the sky becoming a blurred orange and pink as the night started to lift. The sudden realisation that it was dawn made Tails notice how sleepy he was, the stress had been keeping him awake no problem till now, it was clearly starting to catch up.

Blaze sighed at the empty space. No Sonic to be seen. "He should've been here..." she paused to gather her thoughts, maintaining her cool despite her obvious disappontment, "He can't have gone far."

Tails didn't want her to elaborate on why, and thankfully she did not entertain this fear. It was too painful to think about the whys and what ifs, and much, much easier to focus on the practicals. He opened up his communicator, "Amy? Do you copy?" he called down the line.

 _"Roger. Where are you? Have you found Sonic? Is he okay?"_ a high-pitched, static voice replied.

Tails couldn't wait for a time when he could say 'yes' to questions like that, "No, no, not yet. Uh, could you and Knux come to the forest near the...prison?"

_"Sure. Everything good?"_

"No. Well, he's in here somewhere, a long story, I'll fill ya in later, just... hurry!"

* * *

Amy ran as fast as her feet could carry her, leaving the famously strong but famously slower Knuckles in the dust.

"What the hell would he be doing there?" Knuckles yelled after her.

Amy panted from the mix of panic and sudden exhilaration "I don't...know....Eggman?"

They spent the rest of the journey silent, focusing as much as they could on simply getting there. It only took Amy 15 minutes. When she got to the entrance of the forest, she turned around- no sight of Knuckles yet, but she didn't have time to waste. He was capable enough to look after himself. She nodded at the thought, took a deep breath, and zoomed into the forest, eyes active, immediately scouring every hole and crevice as soon as they became accustomed to the darkness, keeping her ears alert for any sounds besides the wind.

_Was that a cough?_

_Better safe than sorry_ , she followed it. The sound of trickling water becoming more apparent the closer she got. Then heaves- deep, painful breathing started to become obvious- she picked up the pace until she arrived at the side of a stream, and looked around anxiously. The darkness still lingered despite the rising sun, it was hard to make out shapes of much, but she could hear the noises still, the struggled breaths, their direction obstructed by the bellowing wind.

"Sonic!" she yelled, feeling hopeless, as if shouting into a void of nothing. But something rustled in the bushes, she looked up excitedly. Maybe, by some crazy miracle, he was okay. Her face dropped when, to her disappointment, but still some level of surprise, three figures emerged. Blaze, followed by Shadow and Tails. Amy didn't even greet them, "I heard something, I swear!"

Blaze magically lit up a flame in her palm. In any other circumstance, Amy would have taken a moment to gaze at it in marvel, and bombard Blaze with thousands of compliments, but it wasn't a normal day. Or night. Or morning. It was hard really to keep track.

Blaze nodded towards Amy sternly, it was nice to be believed and acknowledged, and moved quickly around the clearing. Blaze found nothing, and her frustration eventually became hard to mask. A sudden burst of energy radiated through the earth as several, unorganized, messy, hazardous flames appeared, floating in the air and following within a few feet of wherever Blaze wandered, flickering violently in the breeze but never dimming.

Tails heard the breaths too, he and Amy held each other's hands as they walked down the opposite side of the stream.

And then he saw it.

An anchor of dread hung itself off Tails as he was suddenly confronted with his nightmare scenario. The one he'd replayed over and over again in his head as he trudged through the forest floor behind his friends. "There!" he shouted, pointing a shaking finger towards the haggard shadow slumped over a rock, half submerged in the freezing lake. He let go of Amy, daring to get closer alone, blocking out any sounds of shock or worry from the others. As he advanced, the spikes became more apparent, the downturned ears, the bloody claws that gripped painfully to the rock, the aggressive shivering. He almost hoped he was wrong, that maybe Sonic was safer somewhere else, but the closer he got, the harder it was to deny.

"Fuck! Fuck!" Tails erupted, realising he'd waded into the cold stream. His body and mind were completely out of sync, he was just doing things without his own consolation.

"Watch yourself!" Shadow called, as Tails felt two arms grab him gently behind. He'd already started to lift Sonic in a terribly uncomfortable way, "let's be gentler" Shadow continued, his tone warmer than Tails had ever heard it. "Blaze!"

Tails couldn't process what was going on through his own sobs, everything felt like a stop motion animation, he hadn't even realised he was crying. He wished he really was made of clay so that the water would slowly tear him apart and melt him down into nothing but a soggy, miserable, nonexistence. Two soft, gloved hands guided him away from Shadow, who was now carrying his brother over shoulder onto land.

"Come on Tails, stay warm," the hands helped him to the ground and lit a fire beside him with unexplained power. He sat there silent for a while, letting everything happen around him, utterly helplessly.

Then he saw Sonic's face beside him as he was laid on the ground by the fire, Tails opened his mouth to speak, "What were you doing in there?" it was such a casual question, and it came out in shivers. Sonic didn't respond, Tails repeated, "S-Sonic. What were you doing in t-there?" Someone put an arm around him.

* * *

As Shadow carefully lowered Sonic to the forest floor, hoping the slight warmth of the freshly lit fire would comfort him even a little, he looked up. Tails was speaking to Sonic quietly, the shock clearly overwhelming. He smiled as Amy put her arm around him, "Help him," she said, Shadow nodded, and turned to Blaze, who quickly joined them, kneeling down and carefully lifting Sonic's head, resting it on her lap. He was no more than a freezing pile of bones with a barley detectable pulse.

"I'm so sorry, Sonic. This is my fault. I should've taken better care of you," she whispered, gently stroking his wet fur. There were breaths, a few. Enough to work with.

Blaze closed her eyes, focusing her spirit. The Sol Emeralds suddenly appeared from behind her and danced around her as her body burst into powerful flames, lighting up the area where the trees hid the dawn from the 5 desperate, exhausted Mobians. The new energy tickled Shadow's chest and made him feel dizzy. He really didn't envy what Sonic was about to experience.

Blaze's voice echoed dramatically in the breeze, her presence made clear and assertive to anyone within a few miles, "May the power of the Sol Emeralds return your strength, your mind, your memories. May they bring you back together to become whole, to become her hero I know you to be, Sonic the Hedgehog..." The flames swallowed around them, leaving them incased in four rounded, fiery walls. 

She clutched his head desperately and waited, "Please let that be enough, Sonic, I can't let you go. I can't let you be destroyed because of my recklessness!" 

Suddenly, two green eyes shot open and stared into Blaze's intensely. They were piercing, manic, terrified, and seemed to stare right through her soul, so... distracting. Blaze tried her best to keep the power strong but he looked so... _no. No. Keep it going._

Sonic turned his head away from Blaze, choosing instead of gaze into the burning flames itself. Just like.....the buildings, the cities, everything he'd done. Everything he'd destroyed and everyone he'd hurt and.... _it burned_. It burned so painfully behind his eyes, setting his brain on fire, heating up every one of his cells then reducing them to ash in seconds, but he couldn't look away. He couldn't. Just....

**Keep. Looking.**

_But I'm scared. You're scared too. I can feel it._

_Your anxiety._

_**And how our muscles ache. And how it burns.**_

**We're okay.**

_How can you say that when we're in so much pain?_

**Because we can feel it. It means we're alive and our body is warning us, telling us we need to get help soon.**

_I will miss you._

_No._

**_I am you._ **

**_I'm so....confused. Who's is talking?_ **

**I am.**

_No._

_**I am.** _

_**Fuck.** _

_**It's okay we're just....we're just becoming whole again. That's not bad or scary. That's good.** _

_We've done so much. We've been so awful. We've hurt so many people. They'll hate us._

**Maybe so, but we have to accept that. Maybe not everyone can like us. Maybe making mistakes is alright.**

_But our mistakes are monumental and destructive. We're a threat. We're so dangerous._

_We can either hide or die. That's the only way to be safe anymore._

**We can't run from this, Sonic. Not anymore. I kept you safe for a bit but....now it's just hurting us. You wanted me to set you free but I think you just wanted me to leave, because even though I'm the parts of you that keep you alive, I'm the parts of you that you hate. It's impossible to let me go without dying, and now you're confronted by the reality that we'll have to accept what we've done. You asking me this, and I'm not going to give it to you.**

_You wanted me to leave._

**I wanted you to look away whilst I did what I had to to be safe.**

_You dug at our wounds and forced us to vomit and ran into the cold when we were already sick. How was that keeping us safe?_

**I misjudged some things. I can't remember either- I'm just as lost as you, I'm only....going off context clues and sometimes it didn't feel right.**

_You see what I mean? We're too destructive to remain here! You fight to keep us safe and it gets us hurt, as well as others._

**We shouldn't run from this. I'm not letting go.**

_Needle. It burns._

**Let it burn.**

**Feeling is important, just like you said. Stop fighting it. Let us be whole again. Please. Once we're together we can help each other. I won't have to be as destructive because I'll have you to rationalise. You won't have to handle all the pain an fear because I'll be there to blank it out and hide it for survival.**

**We don't have to run anymore. We can be okay. That's allowed.**

**_I'll make sure of it._ **


	14. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang finally has a sec

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey this is kind of a slow chapter, not much happens, just the gang trying to chill out after everything. Sonic is finally having an actual rest and remembering stuff- love that for him. Also I gotta be real with you i have no idea how hospitals work so like i tried but sorry if this stuff is inaccurate af.

Amy tried hard to navigate the crowd, she'd never seen Spiral Hill so busy, Tangle seemed to carry its personality on her shoulders alone, she was the life and soul of the place, but that all seemed heavily concentrated amongst the bustle of builders and workers and cleaners and volunteers.

But thankfully, she soon heard that eager voice from behind her, "AMY! Hey! What's up?" and smiled as she turned around to see Tangle aggressively pushing her way through.

"Hi, how's the rebuilding effort going? Did I -haha- send in enough folks?" she scratched the back of her head embarrassedly, maybe she'd been a little too liberal with that.

The wide energetic grin didn't fade from Tangle's face, "Oh this is awesome! Thank you so much! We're almost half way already! In just two days!"" She pulled Amy into a huge hug, then took her hand, guiding her away from the heat of the crowd once she clocked everyone annoyed expressions. "Oops, sorry" she repeated a few times until they reached a clear area. Once they were out of the business, the tone shifted.

"Uh, I need to ask, is he doin' okay? I heard he kinda made a run for it-if you told me sooner I would've got there..."

Amy cut off her worrying, "It's okay, we handled it. He's-he'll be alright. Eventually." She was met with a sympathetic look and as Tangle took both her hands.

"Are _you_ okay?" she smiled through the upturned brows.

Amy brushed it off, "I'm good, just need a nap honestly but.... it's fine," she returned the smile, and Tangle eloped her into a huge hug.

"If you say so, Commander Rose!" She set the pink hedgehog free, "You take care of yourself, promise?"

"Promise!"

"And Tails?"

"He's at the hospital with Sonic, wants to make sure he doesn't act up again but I don't think he will, I'm not even sure he could. But he seemed to remember a little once Blaze and Shadow worked their magic," She shrugged, "oh, and Blaze says hi."

Tangle's ears perked up at the sound of the name, "Oh! I'm sorry I missed her!"

"She didn't stay long anyway, and I'm sure she'll come back to visit when things calm down again." Amy said, sitting down on the bench beside them, Tanlge joined her, choosing instead to perch on the arm. They both sat for a moment watching everything unfold before them. Tangle's thoughts still raced. She wasn't satisfied with the answer Amy had given her, but knew when not to pry. Amy was clearly not okay.

She took a deep breath, "Hey, it's gonna be okay. I know it will. He's a real fighter, you know that more than anyone!" Amy turned and smiled to her and let out a hushed "Yeah" in response. 

"Me and Whisper are gonna have a movie night tonight. Our gaff went basically unharmed so...you're welcome to join. You can nap through it though, if you want,"

Amy smiled tiredly at Tangle's boisterous expression. How could she be this energetic after everything? But it was a nice invite, and could maybe help to distract her from everything else going on, and company sounded good regardless. Being alone right now wasn't very appealing. Amy nodded, "Sure."

* * *

There were needles every where. Inserted tactfully into his veins. He should've been alarmed but he felt strangely calm, simply appreciating the warmth and dryness of wherever he was.

Needles. They were usually painful, the sight of them made him shudder, but these ones were necessary. They kept him alive, though sharp and aggressive and easy to abuse.

He stared at the ceiling. White. Walls? Also white. 

Sonic closed his eyes, he couldn't move more than a few inches.

 _Fuck, this again._ Now he was alarmed.

It was like he never left Eggman's ship, maybe he hadn't. Maybe he was still jammed in the infinite loop. Maybe everything else it had been a dream. Or one of those illusions again- _wait. No._ No that wasn't right. What illusions was he thinking of? Was that a different memory bleeding into the newer ones? Just how many times _had_ he been imprisoned by Eggman?

Sonic used his lackluster strength to struggle against the numbness, but his limbs were a floppy mess, uncontrollable and lousy. He groaned as he fought to test his limits, he needed to get out. He couldn't be back with him. Not again. _Please just make it end._

"Woah, woah, hey! It's alright," that voice. It was familiar, the owner of it touched his shoulder, Sonic used the strength he still possessed to pull away. It was an embarrassing attempt.

"Okay, touch is still a no-go, that's alright, please just breathe, okay? You're safe. This is a hospital. I'm Tails, do you remember?" Sonic continued to stare at him emptily as he gave in to the weakness. He felt well rested for the first time in....well, for the first time, but he could still shut his eyes and easily drift off into another day or so long slumber.

"You might feel a bit weird, they've got you on some painkillers, but it's only temporary. It'll pass."

 _It'll pass._ Those words. they'd come from Ivo's -no, Eggman's- mouth before, and back then they'd made him calm, but now....

He looked at Tails, really looked. He still couldn’t remember much, but Tails did look familiar, and he did trust him, almost completely. Tails just wanted to take care of him and he'd proven it time and time again. Tails was safe. And Sonic had really messed things up.

He wanted to say something, just a small hi, anything to convey his gratitude and how sorry he was for everything. Sonic said the word in his mind, rehearsed it, readied it to come from his mouth but, when he went to do so, the concept suddenly became way too overwhelming. He just sat there, mouth shut, the words there but completely incapable of escaping.

“It’s okay, you don't have to say anything,” Tails grinned. Wait could he hear him? _No. Surly not._ Perhaps he was too obviously anxious. Or maybe Tails was just good at reading people. 

Sonic sighed, disappointed that he'd managed to fail the most simplest of tasks. How could he navigate a world he'd monumentally fucked up without the ability to even apologise? What was the point of surviving everything if he couldn't set things on the path to redemption on the most basic level? Villains weren't supposed to get off that easily. He turned his head to the other side, maybe he hadn't got off that easy after all. He was towered over by bags of fluid and monitors, he dreaded the sight of them, all looking way too familiar. He couldn’t wait to get out.

Something hung on the wall, a whiteboard. It said things that Sonic couldn't quite make out. There was the number again, 18, his number. His age. And then there were....other things. Maybe his name? Sonic? Yes! Sonic was on there! But the other words? He couldn’t decipher them. His brain was a confused mess of unspoken words and thoughts and new memories and false memories and lost memories and actions and numbers. He sighed at his failings once more.

“Everything okay there?” Tails asked.

 _What does the board say?_ Was the reply that held itself from coming out. He had to try other means. Sonic focused and managed to raise a floppy hand to the board, pointing at it.

“Oh, that? That’s just your personal info- like your name age, everything,”

_No. No what does it say, Tails?_

“Some important medical info- don't feel too scared of the 'nil by mouth stuff' it’s only temporary.”

_Nil by mouth? How fitting._

“You were in a pretty bad state, you're not ready for solid food so they're giving you this funky nutritional fluid stuff- I know that sounds scary but these guys know what they're doing, you'll be okay." then Tails folded in on himself, "Which reminds me, I really owe you an apology,” he sniffed, “I was wrong. I made a mistake when I tried to give you something a few days ago. It was a really bad judgment. You weren’t ready, I underestimated the severity of the situation. I guess that supersonic metabolism doesn’t hold back, huh?" he laughed a little through the tears.

 _Wait, what?_ Oh. The apple. He’d thrown it up because it didn’t feel right. He remembered that.

He didn’t want Tails to cry, or apologise. It didn’t matter anymore, and nothing bad had happened as a result. He lifted his other hand slightly, reaching out a little to suggest comfort but not too much to indicate that contact was okay.

“Thanks pal.”

Sonic smiled best he could, but he kept thinking how that was a _mistake_ \- Tails' mistake. It was small and understandable and deadly. And it was a mistake. Just like how Sonic's mistakes had caused pain. Maybe it was possible to do bad things unintentionally when you didn't know any better- and that didn't alleviate the consequences, but it also didn't brand you a terrible person by default. Tails wasn't terrible he was just trying to help, just like how Sonic had been trying to help Mr Tinker, or Eggman, or Ivo. It really was a jumbled recollection.

"You okay there, bud?"

Tails looked so tired, Sonic wanted to tell him it was okay to leave, to go home and rest himself. He'd done enough.

"I'm not gonna leave you. I'm not gonna let you get hurt again, I promise."

* * *

Shadow stood opposite Spiral Hill, watching the cranes lifting, people running around frantically, happy to finally have his own space to brood. He had considered aiding the rebuilding efforts but that wasn't his style, and he wasn't about to start suddenly reping it. The recent events had really pushed him out of his comfort zone, he'd had to let his walls down so much more than he ever thought he could. He'd been softer on levels he doubted even Maria had experienced around him.

He missed her.

And weirdly, he missed Sonic. He really missed Sonic. At first he thought it was just a simple well wish, or that this whole situation was just throwing off the newly found peace, that he just wanted it all over. But it was more than that.

He saw the blue hedgehog's pain and desperation and it brought back all the feelings from years ago. He'd felt those things- being so lost and confused and conflicted. Deep down he knew it would take a long time for Sonic to be okay again, and that scared him so much he dared not say it out loud, especially to the people Sonic was closest to. But he did wonder if they feared it too, Sonic becoming introverted and anxious and harder from the trauma. _Becoming like him._

He really wanted to go and see him, so badly it was uncomfortable. He was never super fond of the guy, his over-eagerness and constant positivity was grating, his blind trust was counterproductive. Before this, their relationship didn't extend much beyond mutual respect, but things were different now. Something made Shadow feel like he needed to help once Sonic was healing, he couldn't cope alone- having had to do that himself, he knew not to subjugate someone else to the same fate. Tails wasn't equipped, the fox was smart but there were some things that required age and experience, that you couldn't just read about in a text book. Sonic needed someone to directly relate to. 

_But not now._

Not now. Sonic needed to rest. He needed the physical aspects to recover before he could be forced into any sort of emotional confrontation, and he had a long way to go. Shadow couldn't stop thinking about how terrified he'd looked once Blaze had purified the excess negative energy, readying it for a boost from Shadow. His body had struggled to process it, his already weakened heart beating hard against his ribs, Shadow had heard it'd pounding erratically as he transferred the Positive Chaos. 

He remembered the look on Sonic's face grotesquely clearly-agony, relief, then exhaustion. His hooded lids tried hard to focus on Shadow as he was lifted up and urged to stay awake until they got him to the hospital. The way Shadow had to hold Tails back as the nurses wheeled him away for tests, and the mess he looked once he was finally resting in the hospital bed, it was ghastly.

It shouldn't have happened to Sonic, never in a million years. It should've been him. Shadow was already a lost cause, what was one more trauma to add to the never ending list of misery? He was a pro in that by now.

It should've been him.

* * *

"This is crazy," Knuckles sighed, looking at his sleeping friend in the bed before him. Tails was on the opposite side, curled up in a blanket the nurses had provided given that he refused to leave his brother. He simply nodded tiredly at Knuckles. He felt bad for him, they hadn't exactly kept him updated on the whole situation. 

"Sorry we didn't tell you earlier. It all kind of happened at once, it was hard to think about other things," he said, not moving from his position. Knuckles just shook his head.

"No matter. As long as he's okay,"

Tails frowned. He didn't know if he would be okay. The lack of Chaos (or the presence of the Negative Chaos) had destroyed him in a way regular doctors wouldn't be able to detect. As far as they were concerned, he was just suffering from malnutrition and some easily treated heart murmurs as a result, with a mildly infected mess of undone stitches to clean up as a cheeky bonus. They had the easy job of just administering some nasty vitamin fortified gunk every few hours until he was strong enough to eat properly. Then he wouldn't be their problem anymore. Tails was worried more about the aftermath of this. How would he cope with everything? How much and how fast would he remember? Was he still going to be a threat to himself? Was he ever going to be physically capable of everything he was before? Was he-

"Tails?" The gruff voice snapped him out of his thought spiral.

"Sorry, yeah?" he looked at Knuckled properly, and realised the echidna was actually focused on Sonic. He looked down to see his brother's eyes fluttering slightly, and small groans escaping his lips.

"I think he's asleep, Knux," he said, turning his arched back to the arm of the chair and looking at the ceiling, "think he's just dreaming. I hope they're not bad ones."

Tails knew that was unlikely.

* * *

Sonic woke up to a dull ache in every part of his body, before he even opened his eyes he heard his own whimpers- they weren't huge or agonised, they were small, tired. He could move again, and he took full advantage of that as tried to toss and turn, eager to get into a more comfortable position- or one than could lessen the pain. But moving hurt too. 

“Hey man, it’s okay!” He could feel Tails sat over him. Someone else was in the room too but he didn't have the energy to find out who.

_It's not okay. It hurts._

“They’re taking you off the meds, it’s just the shock to your system.” He reached out to Tails, who held him. The feeling of his pulse beating in his temples made him feel nauseous. Sonic tightened his eyes.

Tails responded by gripped Sonic's hand tighter as he watched his brother struggling against the feeling. He looked over to the doctor on the other side of the bed, who dealt him a confirming nod. “He’ll be alright, it’s likely the muscle soreness and digestive discomfort. It’s generally unpleasant.” Sonic groaned weakly, as Tails rocked him slowly.

“You’re okay, you’re getting better, even though it may not feel it.”

_It hurts, Tails._

“I know it hurts but it’s part of the process. I wish I could help but-" Sonic was crying quietly, as Tails snuggled closer. That was all he could do and he hated it. The doctor left the room, smiling at Tails before closing the door. Tails smiled back tiredly, as he continued to rock his brother slowly. “It’s okay, I’ve got you. I've always got you.” 

Sonic felt himself becoming limper in Tails' arms as the aches faded into the background, giving in to the exhaustion and just letting himself be held, ignoring the nagging fears of the virus that still seemed to linger in his subconscious, focusing on how warm and soft Tails was. He could hear the fox's heartbeat through his fluffy chest, they were both so alive, against all odds. _Against all odds._

_He must have been 10 years old when he first defeated Robotnik, if that. He roamed around houseless and alone in an empty, half destroyed world. The remaining inhabitants were either hiding or captured, so he barely saw another friendly face. It was just him and the occasional badnik. Even hearing a birdsong was a rarity._

_He didn't remember ever not being alone. He'd been born into this husk of a society by parents he couldn't remember. Maybe things had got worse as he'd aged, or maybe he was just becoming more aware of everything. But he knew something- he was ridiculously fast. Faster than anything. He never learned how to speak, he didn't need to, didn't even want to, there really was no use for it. He feared going through all the trouble of learning would be too upsetting when he was alone in a burrow at night with no one to talk to._

_Gradually he became more and more fixated on taking down the bastard who'd done this to the world, who'd stolen any chance he had of a comfortable and loving life. Freeing the world, being not just a hand but the sole orchestrator of a revolution. He trained hard everyday, mastering attacks, speed, loops. He had barely outgrown his baby scruff when he decided he was ready. Robotnik had had most of the world now, but the mad scientist was lazy- he relied too heavily on machines and they could malfunction easier than any human or animal. It wouldn't be easy to defeat him, but his weaknesses were there for all to see. It was almost embarrassing. As long as he knew them, he had a shot._

_But somehow he did it, even when he made the horrific discovery that they weren't just mindless robots, but imprisoned, manipulated animals, he did it. He remembered it was on his birthday, but didn't know how he knew it was his birthday. Something about the date just felt right. But that was an unimportant detail, he was free. Somehow he'd had the resolve to keep going when he felt like his lives had been spent. He was just a kid and he did it, freed the world like he'd thought about every day of his life._

_Only he didn't seem to get the heroic happy ending he deserved. In the mess of re-habitation, families being reunited, he never found his own. At first he'd been furious, beside himself with rage. He'd done this. He'd freed the world and he'd got absolutely nothing in return. He was still just as alone as ever._

_One night, as he slid into his burrow, after a long day of running away his emotions, he heard something. It was quiet, he'd never been good as seeing in the dark, but he could hear a definite shuffling. And.....crying? He got closer, he wasn't scared, he'd come across way to many stray badniks to be afraid of anything anymore._

_"Who's there?" a tiny voice called. Two huge round blue eyes met Sonic's as he finally made out the shape in the darkness, a tiny fox cub, who couldn't be older than 4._

_Sonic reached out a hand in the dark, the kid took it. It was a bad time to not know how to speak but he wanted to provide some reassurance that he was safe._

_"W-who are you?"_

_Sonic just stared at him, anxious, unsure what to do. He knew his own name, of course, but he'd never had to tell anyone before, it was a real conundrum. He had to communicate in another way. He shook his head and put his finger to his lips._

_"Oh," the fox said, "that's okay. I'm Miles, are you lost too?"_

_Sonic shook his head again._

_"Oh, is this your hole? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude, I-"_

_Sonic shrugged, shook his head, and pointed to Miles before pointing firmly to the floor._

_"I can stay?" Sonic nodded. "Thank you. It's cold out there. I can't find anyone I know," he said sadly. Sonic nodded and smiled understandingly as he s_ _at down on the opposite side of the hole, facing Miles, who did so too. He noticed a second tail curling around the fox cub, and pretended to ignore it, so as not to be rude. But despite the extra warmth, he still saw the cub shivering as he tried to fall into sleep, and kept looking at him with concern. The fox's eyes etched open._

_Sonic took the opportunity, pointing at himself then pointing to Miles. At first he seemed confused, so Sonic made a shivering action, and eventually Miles clocked on._

_"Uhm, okay, sure. Maybe that would be good," Sonic smiled and walked over to the fox, curling up beside him. The fox let out a sigh of relieved comfort as soon as he felt the warmth radiating from the hedgehog. The satisfied noise seemed to trigger a positive feeling in Sonic's mind for the first time possibly ever. He smiled, the feeling of another person was nice. The feeling of not being alone for once was beyond anything he'd dreamed. And it was only for one night- or so he thought. Really, he would soon find that he'd never be alone again._

When Sonic came round he was still in Tail's arms. The now teen fox was sleeping lightly next to him, but seemed to sense that Sonic was awake, opening his eyes and smiling.

"Hey!"

"Hi," Sonic whispered.


	15. The Pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang has some spooky dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi sorry it's been a hot minute since i updated, I have a job and stuff. I know crazy right? Also I now have animal crossing and I keep fucking around with that mess in my spare time. Quality.  
> Uuuh anyway i hope this isn't bad- I've already written what comes after this but I obviously needed filler things so...have some tasty angst. I say, as if this whole fic isn't just pure angst.
> 
> Also I never tagged this as tangle x whisper cus i wasnt sure if they were going to make a full couple appearance but i guess they have now. so yeah...that. I guess you could read this platonically though if you don't ship it!

_"I have to say, I'm disappointed" the smooth menacing voice sounded from every corner of the room. Sonic couldn't see his hand in front of his face, he was scared but he couldn't show it- he had to do the same as always. Mask. No matter how bad it got, he could never give them what they wanted._

_"Gotta agree with you there, pal. Not exactly my most graceful defeat!" he heard his voice crack, cringing at the obvious fear that lurked in his throat. He'd developed a quick tongue to cope. Having such intense anxiety around speaking had never faded. It still crept up every now and then to remind him that he wasn't the unbreakable, indestructible force he wanted everyone to believe he was. He tried not to be too hard on himself, this was a particularly stressful and new situation, far from the classic Eggman style. Hell, maybe he should even be proud of the guy, finally got out of his same old planet conquering rut._

_Ugh- he should've said that out loud. Never mind._

_He touched his face to check his eyes were even open. They were, it was just insanely dark._ _A sly laugh echoed around the room-if he was even in one. He could really be anywhere. He could be dead._

_No. No he'd been -almost- dead before, this wasn't it. This is was real._

_"I can feel your doubt, hedgehog. I've been told stories about how troublesome you've been, how you feel so entitled to destroy what isn't yours to destroy, how annoying that wit can be whilst you do it. You think it makes you look big and brave, but it only shows your patheticness and your fear._

_"Oh, man, look at that! You're really tinkering around with this ol' brain of mine, huh? Good thing I have some self awareness as back-up incase this egotistical façade crumbles cathartically around me!" he wasn't sure where to direct the words, but at least this guy would hear the epic burns regardless._

_"Those are some big words, hedgehog, you're doing it again. Trying to make yourself look smarter because you know that's your only way out now. Physicality is your strength, and you were so easily defeated that now you're compensating with knowledge you don't have," the anonymous voice chuckled half-heartedly, as if he were actually incapable of laughing comfortably._

_Sonic smirked to himself in the dark, or incase the guy could see him, or to keep morale high, "Oh, now you're going with an insecure intelligence' approach? Too bad. I'm not really insecure about any of that noise, I pretty much accepted I'm a grade a knuckle head years ago," his tone changed to something more serious, "So do your worst."_

_"Oh, dear, no. That's not it at all. No, no. I never said you were stupid. I said you weren't knowledgeable. Two different things. You're not stupid, but you've now told me you very much think you are, thus proving you are insecure about that!"_

_Sonic swallowed. This guy was good with the psychoanalyzing, but he couldn't give up so soon. "Never said I thought I was stupid"._

_"But you do think that, it's obvious, the only logical conclusion based on your phrasing and behavior. But you're smart, for example it's occurred to you that I might be able to see your face in the dark even when you can't see anything, and you would be right. Your cocky expressions and snarky looks have been quite the performance, but that's all they are, performance. I can see you trembling. I can see your eyes darting around in desperation. It's all very clear to me."_

_Sonic swore he felt a cold presents drift behind him, he arched his back forwards to avoid touching it, he was losing patients, "Look, what are you even trying to do here? What's this game all about?"_

_"It's not a game- but it is a practice round. I just wanted to pry into that brain of yours to figure out what we're working with here. And what do we have? Jokes to mask the fear, insecurity, an ego built on false confidence. What else?"_ Sonic’s expression didn’t falter, he made sure of it.

_The invisible figure laughed, "What about...compassion? I've heard that's very much your thing. How about those friends of yours, Sonic?"_

_"No. I'm not telling you a thing!" if this sicko dared bring his friends into things-_

_"Then there we have it! That's your weakness. Sure you have insecurities and anxieties, but don't we all? It'd be a waste of my time to try and delve into those. No, we know what can really destroy you...."_

_Sonic stopped himself questioning further, it would only make things worse. He'd been lousy again, he was always messing up like this. Getting too tied up in his quick tongue that he accidentally revealed himself too obviously._

_This time the voice came from above him, "How about that fox? The one who stood by and watched as you were beaten senseless before your entire town?"_

_How dare this prick talk dirty of his brother's loyalty like that, "He wasn't-"_

_"Certainly looked like he was. Kind of sad, really, that you're so eager to defend him but he did absolutely nothing for you...." the faint red shadow of the figure that Sonic hadn't even noticed came closer, the light he brought with him made Sonic see the metallic room he was held in , how he was on his knees. He hadn't even felt that. Weird._

_"Ahaha! Pal, this isn't going to work. I trust him more than anyone else. I know him too well for you to point out a minor lapse in judgment and use that as a basis for soiling my trust in him." he snarled at the tall masked jackal floating slightly above him to create the appearance of dominance._

_The jackal landed, bending over, eyes looking directly into Sonic's through the mask, unnerving, "So he's dear to you. How so?"_

_Fuck. He'd said too much._

_The jackal smiled, obvious in his tone, "And that's it again. Glad we're finally getting to know each other. Your silence is deafening." he gestured his hand to their left, summoning a cluster of red pixels Sonic recognised from the fight, "Let's bring him in..."_

_"What... what do you mean?" Sonic stuttered as he looked around the room, light was leaking in even more now, showing the shadows of four metal walls._ _Suddenly he heard a tiny familiar voice bouncing around the room, it sounded scared. It sounded like Tails._

_"Tails! Tails! I’m comin’ buddy!" he panted, anxiously trying to decipher the direction of the cries._

_"S-sonic..." he sounded so scared._ _The lights flashes red and white, Sonic's movements were confused and choppy._

_"I'm coming, I'll find you!"_

_"Don't leave me!"_

_"I'm not! I would never, just hold on- please this guys is....I don't know...."_

_"Sonic!" desperate now. Sonic moved at top speeds. Nothing mattered if he couldn't save his brother. Saving the world and everyone and everything in it would be pointless- he knew that wasn't a healthy way to think, but it was the only logic available in his panicked brain. Still nothing, all four corners were empty- wait. No. Not possible._

_Sonic stared at a fifth corner, but he swore the room had appeared square when the lights were up. Not that it mattered, Tails was still nowhere to be seen._

_"Tails!" he screamed again, his voice raw, had he been saying it more subconsciously? His head was spinning with confusion, but in a literal sense, it also felt like the room was moving. One second he was upside down, the next crawling on his knees, or speeding vertically up a wall._

_Finally, the flashing ceased and the darkness cleared. Sonic looked down where he had just landed clumsily on his knees. There was something thick and red pooling on the ground. Derad overtook his mind._

_"N-no..." he followed it, not even wanting to find where it lead._

_His brother was laid down on the floor, curled up in either fear or pain._

_"No no no! Bro what have they done to you?" he ran over without hesitation, scooping his younger sibling up in his arms. He was shaking and crying._

_"Oh, no. Okay. It's gonna be okay," he tried to sooth, but Tails looked inconsolable._

_"Sonic why did you leave me alone!" he whispered, looking betrayed. Sonic held him tighter as he tried to find the source of the bleeding._

_"I'm sorry, he was too strong! I'm sorry I couldn't protect you! But I'm here now, okay. And we're gonna be okay!" Tails coughed, "Tails!" The fox started to become loose in his arms, "Tails, don't go! Don't go! We're gonna be okay, please hold on! Please!" the fox didn't respond. Sonic just sat there, holding his brother helplessly._

_"Wake up! Tails, wake up!" he called, laying the fox on the ground, holding his head trying to rouse him. Nothing. Sonic kept begging his brother to wake up, in too much shock to cry, but it voice bordered on screeching. Tails couldn't be dead, no way. That didn't happen._

_"And so easily, it is done. Only took 20 minutes to completely break you. What do you have t fight for now, hedgehog?" The jackal presented himself in the harsh artificial lighting. Sonic felt the cold presence behind him again, the shock, the sadness he felt, it was almost lost over the burning fury he felt towards this...this..._

_"YOU'VE REALLY DONE IT THIS TIME" he yelled, immediately darting around and trying to lock the jackal in a painful grasp, but the moment his hands touched him, the jackal disappeared._

_"You think it's going to be that easy? I control your thoughts, little man, I could be anywhere, I could be here" He fizzled onto Sonic's right, "here," the voice now came from behind him, and suddenly erupted into a deafening, booming noise, **"And you'll never get away"**. Sonic raised his hands to his ears, covering them. He looked back to were Tails had been, no longer there, just a clump of fizzy glitchy matter trying hard to keep existing. Nothing was there. Nothing was even real. But....how could he really know that for certain. Sonic clenched his eyes shut, covered his ears, it didn't help. He could still see the red pixels and distorted glitching, he could still her the static and painful eco of the jackal's voice. But he could feel the wetness of his tears, at least that seemed real._

_Everything started to fade slowly, the noises died down, the howling voice transitioned into erratic beeps. The black and red visions turned to a blinding white. Maybe he was phasing out of existence too. Maybe that wasn't so bad._

No, there was still red. No, not red, not just that, blood. On his hands that touched a cold white floor.

"Tails?" he shivered anxiously, his voice sounded tired and not at all like it just had. He saw the shoes of his brother before him, he was on the ground....why?

"Sonic! Oh man! I'll get some help!" Sonic dared to look up, his body collapsing at the mere effort, only to be once again scooped up by the brother he thought had just died. He felt something comfortable behind him, opening his eyes he didn't even notice were closed. Where was he? He felt like he should know where he was...

He looked back at his hands, blood was draining slowly from them, not a lot, but clearly enough to make Tails panic. He looked over to see the door swinging shut, not taking his eyes off it until he saw it re open, letting in multiple nurses, who set to work right away. They asked him questions in soft voices but it didn't sound like the right language, and he didn't know how to respond.

Sonic turned his head weakly in the direction of his brother, who sat in the chair, sadly watching everything happen around him, Tails noticed, and spoke up. Again, it didn't sound right, until Sonic noticed he was repeating the words in a hushed voice, as his eyes tensed at some slight pain that didn't feel real.

"It's okay, don't panic. It's okay, don't panic," Sonic repeated over and over again until he felt pulled into the calm stillness of sleep.

* * *

Tails rubbed his eyes vigorously, he was tired, stressed, he just wanted a shower but he didn't have time somehow when all Sonic did all day was sleep. He couldn't bring himself to leave him alone for an extended period of time. What if he woke up an panicked? Or thought Tails had left? Or thought he wasn't safe with no one around to inform and ground him? It was way too risk- or maybe he was just paranoid. Maybe the stress was finally catching up to him now survival mode had been deactivated, now that they were all safe, his mind was frantically looking for reasons to worry

"What do you mean he can't leave?" Tails snapped at the receptionist, who rolled her eyes at the grumpy teen on the other side of the desk.

She sighed heavily, "Look I can call Doctor Kurpitsa to explain to you why, but it just says on the system that he's still at risk. That's all I can do for you right now honey."

Tails stoked a hand through his sweaty fur, trying to gather himself. He hated to get so worked up, it wasn't like him to be impatient or demanding, "Okay...okay. Yeah. Sorry. I'm just tired." he knew smiling at her guiltily would make it worse, so he gazed at his shoes instead. 

The receptionist huffed. He was only young and in such a stressful situation, it would be unfair to judge him by adult standards. "Look sonny, you've been here for almost a week. You need to go home and get some rest. We'll alert you if anything happens," she typed something onto the computer, occasionally glaring back at him through lowered spectacles.

"I can't leave him!" Tails admitted, it came out much more whiny than he intended it to but he didn't really care.

"I'll contact the Doctor for you to give you a run down on where things are at, okay? Do you have any friends you can call for support or- parents?" She'd gathered, from observing the way the young fox cared for the hedgehog, that that could potentially be a sore topic. It seemed like that was possibly all he had.

"Uh...I guess. I have some pals I could...call them," the receptionist smiled a little, Tails immediately looked away and hunched his shoulders, whispering thank you before strolling back in the direction of the room, which thankfully wasn't far. He looked up at the clock, it read 4:51pm, 3 minutes slow compared to his watch. Or perhaps it was his watch that was wrong. _Unlikely._ He always had his tech set to the correct time to the very second. That was important when hanging out with he blue blur.

Tails looked up at his brother again, still sleeping quietly in the bed. He'd been so for most of the day, after the incident that morning. That was obviously why they wouldn't let him go for now, but he had to at last try and bargain with them. 

"Mr Prower," a small purple raccoon entered, standing tall and straight to compensate the lack of height and holding a clip board firmly. They smiled at him, in the condescending 'being the barer of bad news is literally my job so I've mastered the art of false positivity' way he found most health professionals did.

"Yes," Tails took a seat on the end of Sonic's bed, not taking his eyes off his brother watching him breathe. At least he was breathing. Hope wasn't lost.

"You're wondering why your brother isn't fit to leave, correct?" they continued, Tails nodded. "Well, I'm sure you've noticed he's had a few incidents recently" he didn't like how sarcastic they sounded, or the use of the word 'few'. It was closer to one and a half, "and physically he isn't improving at the rate we would like him to. For the time being, he's not strong enough to return home."

Tails groaned looking anywhere but at Doctor Kurpitsa, he knew they would say this but it didn't make it any easier to hear, "I know that but...I'm worried this environment is too stressful! He has a lot of issues with hospitals and...I'm worried the amnesia isn't going to improve if he's in unfamiliar or stressful settings!"

The Doctor sighed, "I get your point, Mr Prower, but surely you see ours too. He's safer here than he would be at home. We need to monitor him and provide immediate support for any incidences."

"But like you said, he isn't improving! Is that the treatment plan? Just keep him in a safety net where he won't get better but jeez thank heavens he's safe incase anything _does_ happen!" Tails was hyper-aware of his rude, sarcastic yelling, he wasn't proud of it, but he couldn't stop. He felt so unheard, he'd known Sonic most of his life, he knew this wasn't the best place for him to get better. He knew more than anyone no matter how many degrees they had.

"Mr Prower!" They said firmly to the distressed kid who's body had now visibly tensed, but this didn't stop him.

"He needs help at the source! The reason he's not improving fast enough is because you're treating this like it's two separate things! He doesn't have a mental health issue and an illness they're both the same! They aren't co-existing, they're thriving together! If I can help him mentally the physical aspects will improve too!"

"Mr Prower I totally understand and I agree with you on some level, but the fact still stands! Sonic is still too unstable to leave, and we need to keep him somewhere where he can be tended to directly!" They held the clipboard loosely in their hands, too loosely. In the messy scribble of doctor handwriting, Tails' keen eyes made out some of the confidential notes: _Dissociative Amnesia, Suspected PTSD._

So he had been right the first time.

Doctor Kurpitsa clocked his antics and held the clipboard back towards themselves. "How long, then? How long?" Tails began again.

"It's not that linear, Mr Prower, all cases are different!" they were starting to rise their voice a little too. Not enough to be unprofessional, but enough to indicate their frustration.

"I know but...approximately, if he was eating and improving at your 'preferred rate' and had no incidents, how long would it be till he could leave?"

The Doctor let out a deep puff of air, collecting themselves, "Well, uh, let's see. We want him to be eating at least 3 meals a day, and be of course physically able to walk before he goes. We're not aiming for perfection, Mr Prower, we just need to see significant mental improvement. We understand he has been through a lot and it will take time for him to heal!"

"But how long!" jeez, he sounded like such a child.

"Minimum 2 more weeks, but nothing is certain. If he has no incidents and starts eating regularly, he may be able to go."

Tails looked at his brother just as his eyes opened slightly, lazily observing the surroundings, getting his bearings in the conscious world again. They looked over towards Tails and Doctor Kurpitsa, completely drained of their spark. Tails smiled sadly at him as Sonic closed them again. He looked almost as bad as when they'd found him, despite the week of treatment. The eye bags remained, the exhaustion still weighed heavily over him.

The Doctor's tone lightened up a bit now that Sonic was clearly overhearing their discussion, "Hey, it's not hopeless, Mr Prower. Already this week we've seen general physical improvement with heart and kidney function. Treatment for physical issues like this can make it hard to see visible improvement right away, as the body uses the new energy to repair internally first. Within a few weeks he'll start to look better, if he can stay on course." they smiled, then were interrupted by a dozy voice coming from the bed.

"Tails," it groaned, as the fox ran over immediately to sit by his brother's head, holding his hand tightly to let him know he was there.

"It's alright bro, I'm here," Sonic made a satisfied hum in return as he adjusted into a more comfortable position.

"I'm trying."

"I know you're trying," Tails whispered, stroking his freezing hand. 

"It's hard to...t-to...trust..."

"I know."

Sonic cleared his throat, "I just w-wanna be o-okay. For you."

Tails frowned, but smiled regardless, he did care about him. The signs of memory were gradually setting in, but everything still felt a little off. "You will get there, man, I know you will. You're the strongest person I know!" two hollow eyes looked up at him, Tails avoiding fully gazing back into them, their lack of life was uncomfortable.

"I'm...scared" Sonic choked quietly, Kurpitsa took this as their opportunity to leave, giving Tails a nod as they opened the door. Tails smiled back then turned back around to his brother to continue their discussion.

"Why so?"

Sonic swallowed uncomfortably, "I don't k-know what....what I'm r-returning to. How will everyone...react? W-what if I'm the v-villain?" His voice was different, it seemed strained, not just sore. Almost as if he was forcing himself to get words out.

"You're not. I can tell you that, for sure. I know it's hard to blindly trust everyone, but you are a good guy, and no one is mad at you for anything! I promise!"

"But...but the...virus? A-and all the d-destruction. I trusted the w-wrong p-people. I keep doing it," he looked as if he were about to cry, so Tails held him in tighter, Sonic didn't reel away. 

"That wasn't your fault, Sonic, it wasn't that simple anyway. Sometimes....morality is blurred, what matters is what you do next. And besides, you were only doing what you felt was right, you had no intention to do harm and no way of knowing anything,"

Sonic pulled away eventually, relaxing back onto the bed a bit. The slight strain of his abdominal muscles to sit up was clearly too much effort for his current state.

"Just focus on healing, being calm and letting yourself rest for now. We can handle everything else once you've regained some strength. Everything is harder to deal with when you're unwell, so just....keep on track and everything else will become clearer, I promise."

* * *

"Welcome, welcome, Amy Rose! To the movie night of the century!" Tangle opened the door joyfully, Amy smiled back anxiously. She truly hadn't felt up for going after all, not with everything that had gone on, but had convinced herself that some socializing was better than isolating.

"What's up Tangle," she said monotonously as she was suddenly engulfed in a huge welcoming hug, letting out an uncomfortable noise.

"Rosey's here!" Tangle called into the small house, presumably to Whisper.

"Rosey?" Amy scoffed, laughing at Tangle's apparent new nickname.

"You don't like it? Cus I can drop it?"

"No, it's cute!" Tangle blushed at her acceptance, then her eyes widened as if suddenly remembering something really exciting.

"Oh!! You gotta see what we've got in store YOU tonight, Rosey!" she winked, dragging a slightly reluctant Amy Rose in through the doorway, then letting her go, "Come this way, if you please, come, follow me, this way!" she lead Amy into the coziest looking living room imaginable. There was a roaring fire, popcorn and soda all ready to go on the coffee table, and stacks of DVDs by the TV. Whisper looked the least on guard Amy had ever seen her, swapping her battle gear for a cosy sweater as she sat knees up on the couch surrounded by wisps. She whispered a small hello.

"I have a bountiful heap of movies here, tell me which one sounds good! We've got classics such as Dogs! Ya' know, once you get passed the weird CGI the music is pretty good. Oh, and who can forget this years box office hit 'Phonic"? The one about that guy who moves really slowly, that ones' always a hoot!"

Amy frowned, finally tuning up to Tangle's energy, "I thought it was cuter _before_ they re-designed him, when he looked really cartoonish and cute, then they decided to make him look more realistic and it doesn't really work as well," she sighed sarcastically.

Tangle gave her a sideway glance of doubt, "You're not down for a little ugly-cute?" she exclaimed as if it was a crazy opinion, and not one shared by the majority of Mobians. "What about you, Whisper? What do you wanna watch?"

"Phobic" the tiny voice sounded from the sofa.

"Ayoooo!!! Two against one!"

Amy laughed "Why did you even bother inviting me?" Tangle just giggled sheepishly in response. 

Amy shook her head, but finally let herself relax deeply onto the couch unclenching her seemingly permanently clenched jaw, as Tangle inserted the DVD, and bounced energetically towards Whisper, landing comfortably, head in lap.

* * *

Sonic had been awake most of the evening, though he didn't have much strength, his ability to stay awake was a silver lining in it all. Unfortunately, the nurses had clearly jumped on this opportunity to present him with yet more challenges. He sighed resentfully, in a way Tails recognised as extremely in character- another plus. The small fox smiled at this revelation.

“It’s only tiny!” he insisted, as they both stared back towards the single slice of toast on small table over Sonic's bed. Sonic looked on anxiously, he couldn’t stop thinking about the apple. How scared he’d been. How painful and horrible it was to get it back up again. He couldn’t go through that again, he couldn’t-

“It wont be like last time, I promise. You’ve been taking in nutrients for days, you can handle this."

 _Yeah and it hurt._ Sonic protested in his head, he'd given up on talking again, it was too stressful, and used up energy he didn't have now that he was making more of an effort to be present.

“And I know it hurt but that was your body just shaking off the cobwebs. You can handle this, I promise." Sonic frowned at the plate.

“Just try the smallest bit! Eating is way more fun than this junk,” Tails joked, gesturing at the bag of the vague nutritional substance that had been pumped into him for a week now.

Sonic sighed again, holding himself. It wasn't pleasant but it was the reason he was able to sit up, albeit with the help of several pillows, but he really didn’t like the sound of eating. He noticed Tails ate a lot, sometimes even 3 times a day. That must’ve been hard work. He drew his knees in closer, the sooner he started eating the sooner he could get out of the stupid hospital. But what awaited him outside of the four white walls? A world he'd fucked up beyond any forgiveness. Maybe people were only being nice to him because he was ill, if he got better they'd have no reason to be anymore. They would be able to let their hatred for him roam freely, no longer having to worry if he was strong enough to handle it. And sure, Tails had tried to somewhat 'reassure' him that people wouldn't be mad, but really, how could he know? He was only one person, and they weren't a hive-mind.

"Sonic?"

Sonic quickly wiped away a tear that made itself known as it touched his nose, there was the numbness again. His anxiety was rampant but the emotions generally hadn't returned, most were dulled, except for the extremes, the ones that had the be felt. If he ate he'd have to feel everything again, that was another con.

Tails was looking at him concerned, Sonic made eye contact- something he'd started forcing himself to do now, but Tails quickly shook it off much to Sonic's disappointment. Did that mean Tails didn't like him? Was it beneficial to second-guess the one person who'd made it consistently clear he cared? And who he cared for equally in return? Sure there was Shadow, he'd been there....before....but this was different now. He and Tails had a brotherly bond that he couldn't dispute. He had to keep trust in him.

"I....I c-can't." he mustered out. 

"Just eat half to start with. Come on, this isn't the Sonic I know who could down 5 chili dogs just as a snack!" it was a joke but it landed terribly. Was he really like that? The thought of getting back to eating like that was overwhelming when the sight of a single piece of toast was causing him such mental anguish.

Tails sat on the bed in front of him, wary of where he put his arms. Sonic's reaction to touch was unpredictable. Sometimes he needed the comfort more than the fears needed to resurface, but sometimes they took the reins, and his mind filled with 'what ifs' at the slightest touch. Tails came a little closer, testing the boundary, "Is it okay if-"

"No." Sonic shot back, hating how rude it came across when Tails was only trying to help.

The fox backed up again, "Alright. Sorry."

Sonic shrugged, "'m sorry," he rested his chin on his knees. 

"You don't have to be. You've been through a lot, it's understandable for things to feel hard."

Sonic looked away, feeling a lump forming in his throat. He wanted Tails to just leave him alone to look emptily at the ceiling for a few hours, but the fox didn't trust him not to do something stupid, he could tell. It hurt him in a way he wouldn't let on, but he also understood why. Sonic didn't even trust himself anymore, how could he? The incident this morning hadn't been a cognitive decision. He didn't actually want to pull out all his IVs that time, or try to get up. It was all just part of a horrifically vivid dream, he'd been having so many of those lately and they kept leaking into the real world in terrifying ways. Warping the world around him that he wasn't fully aware of.

Tails cut the toast in half with the lousy plastic knife provided, Sonic watched him intensely. Part of him really wanted to eat it, it looked bad, and good at the same time. He was embarrassed by how often he'd thought about food that week- not necessarily wanting to eat just...thinking about it. Unclear memories of food he knew he enjoyed.

"Sonic, I know this is hard but I need you to listen to me," Sonic looked up in dread, "You're a runner, I'm not sure how much you remember but, do you remember that?" Sonic nodded, "Yeah. And you need energy to do that, and honestly no one knows the value of energy like you do. I've never known you get in your own head over good carbs and bad carbs, you just seem to accept what is and go. And maybe it's weird but I've always admired that about you. Your metabolism is crazy and you know that, and you know you're going to ultilise every single morsel, be it by running or fighting or goofing, even napping! And I'm telling you this now- you need this more than you've ever needed it before. It's not just for your body but your mind isn't going to be able to rationalise and think clearly until you're properly nourished." Tails made an effort to look into those lost eyes, ignoring their uncanny valley feel, searching for the brother who knew that he was right. "I quite frankly don't care if you ever run again or if you permanently give up heroing- that doesn't matter. I just want you to be healthy. I want you to remember who you are and who your friends are and just get back to living and...."

“Telling terrible jokes?”

Tails smiled, even thought Sonic's voice was so tiny and unsure of itself, “Yeah, terrible jokes!” Tails cut the toast in to halfs again, making 4 small squares of what could now just be considered warm bread. “I promise you it’s not that bad.”

"Tails?" Sonic's eyes were fixed downwards on the bedsheets.

"What's up,"

"I don't t-think....I can be h-him again."

"What do you mean?"

Sonic looked up, looking so vulnerable suddenly, "You're right, I can't be a hero again after this."

"Let's just take it one step at a time, eh? Let's say that is unimportant for now, all you need to do is work on getting better and...man all I want, I swear, all I want is you and me to be safe and happy again. I don't care about the justice and glory I just want my brother to be okay!"

Sonic took it from him hesitantly, still afraid. Super afraid. That was okay. It was okay to be afraid. He nibbled the tiniest bit. It was horrible and scratchy on his tongue, he set it down on the bed for a minute, getting crumbs on the blanket. There were tears in his eyes.

“It’s okay, take your time.”

Sonic was shaking, the cold still crept up on him occasionally. "I can't....though!" he cried, louder than Tails had heard him in a while, maybe he was being too pushy? 

"Sonic, it's alright, there's no rush!"

"There is a rush! Stop lying to me Tails!" his voice was getting louder and more upset and it was clear from the shaking in it that it was hard to reach that volume. Tails came closer, trying to provide some reassurance, but Sonic turned away.

"Why would I lie to you?"

"You want me to get better faster so we can go...but I can't! Tails! I can't it's too much! Everything's too much! I can't control anything anymore! I don't even know if this is right! Everything in me is saying it's not! I have to trust you but you're lying! I heard what you were saying before, I heard everything!" he was sobbing and yelling mostly at himself. Tails watched him guiltily, maybe he'd been a little insensitive, but he was so tired. But so was Sonic. Ahh! Sonic was right, everything was so much! Dealing with this alone wasn't doing either of them any good.

"Okay, okay- Sonic, please. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to pressure you. I was so tired but it's not your fault, I swear....wow now!" he was interrupted as Sonic raised two arms to his head, his right hand starting to bash fiercely at his head. Tails stepped in, immediately restraining them. The fox wasn't strong, but Sonic in his current state was even less so, though he still tried to protest the intervention. He tried hard to pull his arms free, but no luck. To Tails' relief, he gave in relatively quickly.

"Deep breaths, okay! Breathe!" Sonic tried to follow Tails' instructions but he was so frustrated and upset he could only shiver and hyperventilate, but he did allow Tails to hold him. Wrap his arms around his tired frame, radiate his warmth onto his like Sonic had done for him years ago. His crying calmed down as the fox shushed him tenderly.

Sonic felt exhausted, more so than before, he was drained of everything.

"Thanks for h-helping me. I'm...I'm sorry!" he whispered. 

"You don't have to apologise for anything. I mean it." Tails sounded tired to -no- not tired. Defeated. Sonic felt he had to give him a win to, it was only fair.

The exhausted hedgehog picked up the nibbled square from the bed with shaky hands, "I'm gonna....try." it was met with a sad smile of encouragement, if such existed. Sonic tried his best not to think about it, as he bit half of the piece this time, and swallowed it, barely chewing. It didn't feel so scratchy anymore, still gross, just softer.

He looked up at Tails who was smiling truthfully now, Sonic tried to grin back though he knew how pathetic it would look through his puffy red eyes. Then, clenching them shut, he ate up the rest of the piece, ignoring everything about how unpleasent it felt to consume.

Tails came in close again, helping Sonic lay back down, he'd done enough.

* * *

Amy felt a gentle nudge on her shoulder, jolting her awake suddenly, "Wha-! Oh!" she turned to see Tangle, signature smile plastered over her face.

"Everything okay?" asked the friendly lemur, getting a little closer. Amy giggled and shrugged, looking back at the screen. Jeez, that design was ugly, how could Tangle enjoy this even ironically?

"Yeah, I'm fine. Tired, I guess." Whisper grinned understandingly and Tangle nodded at Amy's response.

Suddenly she was alerted even more by her vibrating phone, she flipped it open.

**Incoming Call: Tails**

"Uh, I should get this- won't be a sec!" she said, walking to the doorway leading to the bathroom, Tangle and Whisper both nodded again, and Tangle gave an additional thumbs up, letting Amy leave relatively guilt free. She closed the door, and with dread, pressed accept.

"Tails? Everything okay?" 

"Hi, uh, yeah. No, not really..."

Not an inspiring start. Amy panicked, hundreds of disaster scenarios immediately filled her head, "Oh, no! Is Sonic okay? Are you okay?"

"We're fine...well, alive. Sonic's okay, just had a rough day. Doctor says he's physically improving and he managed to eat a little today but...." she could hear the anxiety in Tails' voice, something was definitely up.

"But what?"

"I'm not okay, Amy. I can't stay here alone anymore. I'm so tired! Sonic's struggling a lot and I keep having to clean up the mess and comfort him and I'm fine with that generally speaking but....just right now. It's hard, and I could use someone to just be here and help and...keep me company? If that's not too much to ask?"

"Tails, I'm on my way, don't you worry!" she put on her best motherly tone, hiding her own sleepiness.

"Okay, thanks, Amy," he sounded weary.

"Don't mention it!" She hung up, then looked sadly into the mirror. She didn't look her best, and so much for an evening off. Nevertheless, this was important. She had to be there for her friends now, and later, they could all just _chill._


	16. The Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang is on the mend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay you’ve suffered enough have something wholesome.  
> I know updated on this are pretty sporadic, i've been working on some other stuff but reallllllllly need to finish this beforehand! Oh and it's like.....nowhere near over. lmao.

“Tails!” Amy exclaimed in a hushed voice as she darted towards her friend curled up tiredly in the chair by the sleeping hedgehog, she hugged him close, and he let himself sink into it. It was nice to be holding someone for the sake of it for a change.

“Aren’t you freezing?” She asked, suddenly pulling him out of the warm embrace, assessing him from head to toe.

“I got my winter coat coming in, I’m fine” he shrugged. Amy frowned at his disheveled appearance- he was too young to be taking on this emotionally draining role head on.

“That's good. I wish it was the same for us,” she laughed, turning her attention to Sonic. The hospital was so drafty, and he was so small, and the hospital sheets were so thin. She made a mental note to bring him a hoodie sometime, or one of her knitted blankets. “What happened?” She asked. Tails look exhausted, even his eye bags had eye bags, and his usually brilliant posture was now hunched and weary.

“Uh, I don’t know. I’m just overwhelmed. And tired, but I'm scared to leave him alone." he replied guiltily, looking back at his brother too, "He keeps having nightmares and freaking out- today he pulled out his IV whilst half conscious and fell out the bed, he was pretty freaked out, like he was having a panic attack in his sleep. It was pretty scary- nothing major just a few bruises but...I'm worried he could do something worse, unintentionally. Like, he didn’t even _mean_ to do any of that!”

Amy nodded firmly, it sounded awful.

“I hate to ask this of you, but I was wondering if you could stay on Sonic duty for a night whilst I get some rest in a real bed? My back has aged 40 years being cramped in there for a week!” he raised his eyebrows at the bright blue armchair which now had a small Tail-sized dent in the cushion.

“Yeah sure!" Amy replied, trying to keep a level of positivity to hide her own tiredness and anxiety, Tails picked up on it, and held her arm gently.  
  
“It’s not like before, he wont hurt you again, it’s just himself, really. He just needs to keep resting, he knows that. Some things just seem to trigger him, and at this point we're still discovering what exactly those triggers are.”

Amy hummed thoughtfully in response.

"He's also not talking much, but you know how that is. Uh...anything else? Oh yeah! Touch, best to avoid that. Sometimes it's fine when he's really upset and needs to be grounded, but hopefully that won't happen whilst I'm gone. Doc says it's a common trauma response, anyway, something he needs to work through in the long term."

"Trauma?" She sounded shocked. Tails looked at the clock, 1am, he was so tired. He'd totally forgotten to update most of his friends on the details of their friends recovery unless they messaged him to ask- but it seemed they were all so worried about intruding that no one had really done so. Other than Rouge, she'd dropped a few DMs every now and then. Tail's had enjoyed the virtual company.

"Yeah. Look, it's a long story. All this recently, the virus, the war, they've taken a pretty bad toll." he said eventually.

Amy shook her head as if correcting a silly thought, "Yeah, of course, sorry. It's just a scary sounding word, I guess."

They stood there quietly for a moment, listening to the hums of the machinery and the ticking of the clock. Amy broke the silence with a deep breath. "Go on, don't worry about me. Get some sleep," she smiled. Tails returned it and scratched the back of his head anxiously.

"Okay. Please message me if anything happens?" he felt terrible leaving Sonic like this. His bother had just started trusting him, he didn't want to mess with that. Even though the doctors and nurses had constantly reassured him that his health was just as important, especially if he was using so much energy on caring for someone, it still felt hard. Sonic had sacrificed so much for him, risked his life over and over, wasn't it fair he do the same. Was thinking about life that way, as a constant loan and debt, really what all these years of heroing had done to his thinking? He needed to just trust the world for a change. Trust Amy, trust the doctors, trust Sonic.

He would be fine. Amy was there, the medical professionals were all there, he would be fine.

"Of course!" Amy said over his spiraling thoughts. 

He breathed an uneasy sigh of unconvinced relief, and left, waving goodbye as Amy took a seat on the cold false leather chair.

The hospital corridor was eerily quiet. Sonic would be fine, right?

* * *

The hints of sunlight started to draft in through the blinds, Amy hadn’t slept at all, but didn’t mind. She would kill for a coffee though. Maybe there was a machine somewhere nearby?

A peaceful stirring in the bed and a restful moan alerted her. Sonic swallowed and opened his eyes, he seemed shocked at first to see where he was, then visibly relaxed as he remembered. Amy clenched her fists, pressing her nails into her palm despite her gloves. She was a little nervous, not sure how much he remembered overall or how hostile he’d be towards her again, but she wasn’t afraid anymore. Even if her wrist did still hurt. 

She grasped the back of her neck- fuck. She was afraid. She took a few breaths and stared at hints of the low morning sun beginning to wake up the world. The shadows of the shutters just missed Sonic's eyes, that stared intensely as the ceiling.

“Hey,” Amy whispered calmly, when she'd convinced herself to speak.

Sonic held his breath for a moment, then turned over, clearly surprised at her presence. “W-where’s Tails?” He panicked, voice sounding much more nervous than she’d heard it in years.

“He went home for a bit, he needed some rest, so I’m here to keep you company for a while. Do you remember me?” she was squeezing her hand so hard. She couldn't stop looking at his hands. They were glove-less and bandaged, one containing an IV. There was no way he could be a threat like this, she needed to get the fears out of her mind.

Sonic relaxed further into the bed again “Y-yeah” he turned away and looked up, deep in a seemingly troublesome thought. It remained silent for a few minutes, until he decided to sit up, pulling the sheet over his torso.

“I’m sorry.” he whispered, eyes fixed on the mess of crumpled bed sheets before him.

The apology caught Amy off guard, “W-what for?”

“I hurt you.” the words came out physically forced and harshly, like he couldn't control his tone or volume- not that his apology was in genuine, but it was clearly effort to get anything out at all.

Amy physically relaxed, releasing any muscle she didn't realise was tensed. He wasn't dangerous, he sounded more afraid than her. She hadn't found it in herself to be mad at him, she'd always been good at that, sometimes to a fault. Well, only with friends. She didn't like to be messed around with, and with bad guys that was a fairly easy boundary to enforce- but with people she trusted, it was another story. But still, this time, it was different. And now all she really wanted to do was hug him. And painful as it was, that wasn't an option she had. “Sonic, it’s okay, you weren’t yourself."

Sonic continued not to look at her. “I know. I’m still sorry. I remember doing it. I won’t do it again. I promise.”

“I know you won’t. And listen, I completely forgive you. We can all do nasty things when we feel overwhelmed and lost. I can't say I know how you felt at that point, but I know it was scary for you," she smiled, learning forward to see if he would acknowledge than and face her.

“Thanks” was all he said, his voice getting quieter the more he spoke.

“Do you mind if I ask, how much do you remember?”

Sonic sat back slowly, laying his head onto the pillow, and finally turned around to face her.

“I don’t know. Everything's fuzzy. I'm only remembering bad things. I just want....a happy memory.” he hugged himself under the blankets- that was something he missed too. Hugs. He knew he liked them, knew he really wanted one right now, but he couldn't handle them. When he was having flashbacks it was different- the touch was grounding and comforting, but impromptu physical expressions of love? They were suffocating and risky. The intrusive thoughts of the Metal Virus were permanently tattooed into his brain. He couldn't help but feel like a ticking time bomb. Best to keep everyone distant, just incase.

“Oh, I'm sorry. Maybe I could help jog it a little? Tell you some nice things?” her smile was so welcoming. Even though he couldn't remember a lot, he felt safe around her.

He looked at her hopefully, eyes wide and a tiny smile threatening to release itself from the corner of his mouth. He nodded. Tails had told him many things they'd done together and it had helped, it would be nice to hear more things from another perspective.

Amy's smile got even wider, “Okay! Let me go and get a coffee first to wake up a little. Do you...want one? I think you’re allowed it.  
check on the way out anyway!” her laugh was sweet and a little goofy, it was hard not to enjoy her unapologetic joy at such a small thing.

But the question startled him. No one had really asked him about trivial things like that before. It was always so clinical in here. Doctors poking and prodding him, asking him how he felt. He'd seen a few shrinks too- they asked him a lot of questions, with little luck. Even the nurse who brought in food the night before hadn't asked what he liked. Then it suddenly became a terrifying question. He didn't know! It was such a simple thing but he had no idea. If he didn't know if he liked COFFEE then how was he supposed to-

_No. No. Deep breaths. You're panicking. It's okay. You can ask._

“Do I...like coffee?”

Amy almost laughed, almost. She knew better not to left the snort escape her, and it wasn't in a mean way. The question just seemed so innocent and curious, she couldn’t help it. “Yeah, yeah you do! You normally have it with milk and no sugar. Kinda the opposite of my 'black two sugars' deal!”  
  
Sonic finally gave in, letting the lingering smile freely show itself, “I’ll remember that,” his cold tone didn't match his feeling, one of warmth and- dare he say it-happiness.

* * *

“Here you go!” Amy placed a paper cup on the bedside table carefully, Sonic had drifted off in the time it took her to come back, but he hummed sleepily back in place of a thank you. “The nurse said it’s fine, I don't know if it was weird for me to question if it wasn’t?”

 _I don't think it was weird, it just shows you care_ \- he couldn’t bring himself to say it even though he desperately wanted to. It was like he had a daily word limit and he’d already spent it so early. His body tensed with frustration. Why did this keep happening? And why did no one seemed to mind?

“Oof! Hospital coffee!” Amy winced after taking a small sip. Sonic watched her. She was really pretty and he liked being around her. But there were more feelings, mainly those of guilt that made the joy feel bittersweet. What exactly had he done? Had he treated her badly in the past? Not just the recent past, but way back- maybe he was about to be brutally reminded of his transgressions.

“So how are we doing this? Do I just tell you about all the super cringe failed attempts at flirting with you, and asking you on dates, or-?”

Sonic’s stomach dropped. There. That's what the guilt was.

“Nah, why dwell on that?” the dismissive way she said it was not entirely convincing she was over it “What about the very beginning? When Metal Sonic was first created, you rescued me, do you remember that?” Sonic shook his head. “Okay, good starting point!”

* * *

Rouge sighed, kicking an acorn into a boggy puddle as the late autumn sun began to rise over the forest, welcoming a long day ahead of doing....whatever Shadow was pulling her into.

“So what exactly are we looking for?” she huffed, stuffing her cold hands into her jacket pocket. She should have brought thicker gloves.

Shadow ignored her question and continued lead ahead silently, Rouge followed behind, occasionally making noises of dissatisfaction that gradually got louder in the hopes of Shadow finally acknowledging them. “Look honey, you can’t just drag me out on a mission at this hour and not tell me what it is, you know? If you actually _want_ me to help that is-" 

Nothing.

“Do _YOU_ even know what we’re looking for?”

Again, nothing. The black hedgehog kept waking, thick winter fur blowing in the breeze.

“Okay, So we’re just taking a mindless stroll? Is that it? Cus if you wanted that you could also just ask. And it's freakin' freezing out here, you should appreciate me even saying yes to something so vague!" she stepped into a huge muddy puddle and groaned, "Fuck! And I could've chosen better shoes! These aren't equipped for this kind of hike!"

“That's not it," he finally interrupted, annoyed by her shallow complaints- even if sometimes, he secretly found them amusing.

“Then what?!” She yelled. It echoed through the trees and cause several birds to flap their wings aggressively away.

“It’s hard to explain!” he stopped in his tracks, continuing not to face her, running a stressed hand through his messy quills. Something was wrong- he never looked this obviously broken up about anything, not if he could help it. Shadow kept a cold exterior regardless of whether he was happy or sad- so when it started to crumble, something was seriously wrong. Rouge wished he would be more open about these things. He didn't have to hide all the time. When would he see that?

“I’ve got all day apparently!” she spat back.

Shadow took a deep breath, it's warmth visually collided with the cold air, “Okay. We need to find the Doctor.”

Rouge rolled her eyes and placed a hand on her hip, “Nice. And what’s so secretive about that?”

Shadow finally turned to face her, “I don’t know where he is. At all.”

“And you were too embarrassed to tell me?"

“You can phrase it any way you want, Rouge."

She chuckled. _So yes, then_. But it was still weird behavior. They'd searched for Eggy hundreds of times before, and Shadow had never had this issue. No, there was more to it.  
“Why did you want me to come? You can take him on alone no problem! You never ask for help when it’s not needed!”

Shadow shrugged, and she swore she saw him shiver a little in the breeze. I couldn't be the wind if his coat was thickening- he was worried about something. “It’s not that, it’s complicated. You can go if you want”

“I know I can, but I don't want to. Something tells me you're a little more shaken up than you're letting on.” she narrowed her eyes and fired a suspicious gaze, that Shadow avoided staring into.

“Draw whatever conclusions you want”

She dropped the intense act, “Damn you’re boring! This vagueness! Is it so hard to be open about your feelings?"

That seemed to be the thing that pushed him over the line. The suddenly glared at her, before walking over to face her, standing only a few inches taller but his overbearingness sure made up for it.

“Rouge my feelings have been eviscerated publically for weeks on end and I'm tired of it!" he snapped, but then he sank a little, "Can you just stay with me?”

Rouge sighed, smiling sadly at him. “Oh. Oh so it’s that....”

“What?"

“You don’t wanna be alone."

He hated the condescending way she said it- like he was a child keeping a secret from her. He rolled his eyes, he didn't have the energy to waste, “Whatever.” he started walking again, not bothering to check if Rouge followed. She did anyway.

“Why don't you go and see Sonic?” she called, as if it was crazy that he hadn't.

“Shadow?” he ignored it. He didn't have to answer to people anymore. He'd played his role in Sonic's little breakdown. That wasn't his duty anymore.

“I heard he’s on the mend, doing okay, remembering things....”

Enough. “Oh really cus I heard, from you, that he’s been freaking out and having a mental breakdown daily!” he snarled, letting his frustration build up again.

Rouge frowned “And that’s why you don't want to see him? I know you’re shallow but come on!”

“I don't wanna push him. Or...trigger something.”

“Why do you think you’d trigger something?” she seemed too curious over his wording, he wasn't about to let that become a thing. He had to end this now. He stopped again, scratching his arm.

“When he was ill he only trusted me. I supposed because I told him I related to him. I don’t want to...”

“Have difficult conversations?”

He breathed out, and looked up at the cloudy sky starting to present itself clearly in the morning light, he wanted to be there for Sonic, but the more he thought about it the more terrifying it became. Having to help someone cope when he barely did so himself. “Is that so crazy? Is it really that bizarre that I simply don't want to make everything worse or dig at both our wounds?”

Rouge's voice softened, “No. I don't think so, but Shadow," he could feel her coming closer, "You’re not a time bomb. I need to you realise this. I know you were built to be a weapon but you're not- you’ve proven than time and time again. When are you gonna get it into that spikey skull of yours that you’re not inherently dangerous. You’re the REASON Sonic came back! The reason he's even alive right now!”

He faced her again, “And I’m the REASON he got so bad in the first place!”

“What on earth makes you think that?” her voice sounded desperate.

“I was stupid! I made such shitty mistakes, if I’d LISTENED to him when we were fighting those stupid zombots I could’ve helped end everything sooner- not let him get so exhausted and I could’ve shared some of the responsibility!" he clenched his fist, the anger at himself never dulled, it was constantly there. Now that he'd had time to think about it and let his guard down, he'd realised he hated Sonic's breakdown in a selfish way, because it reminded him that he had done this, he'd let this happen.

Rouge looked at him sadly, he noticed, and turned away. He hated pity- couldn't shake the feeling that it mean utter failure, and this time he had definitely failed.

She took a seat on a tree stump, crossing her legs and pretending not to let the dirt and cold bother her, "I mean, babe, you were a massive idiot, I can't deny that, but this wasn't your fault. Sonic's condition is the result of years of crazy shit like this! The Metal Virus wasn't anyone's fault but Eggman's. Not Sonic's for telling you to leave Tinks alone, not yours for having 3 brain cells. No ones. But Eggman's! This is all Eggman!"

"What do you mean?"

"This was inevitable! He'd been keeping all the stuff he went through in the war to himself for months! Do you have any ides where he went afterwards, when he said bye to the Rookie and no one saw him for months?"

Shadow shook his head. He hadn't exactly been keeping up with everyone, that wasn't his style, but he had overheard a few things. Sonic was known for going off for weeks at a time, but this was different. He left for 3 months, making no attempt to contact anyone. It was a little weird, but not his business.

"Well, I got theories" She folded her arms. Shadow didn't bother asking, he could draw his own conclusions. "This is the forest where you found Sonic, wasn't it?" Shadow nodded solemnly. It had been a horrible day, a horrible discovery. Feeling his rival-turned-friend's freezing body struggling so hard to hold on as it clung desperately to the morsel of Chaos Energy Shadow had given him. Wanting to give more but knowing it would be dangerous, and he just had to trust Sonic to want to keep breathing. He clenched his eyes shut at the vision.

Rouge tapped her foot, "So I guess that's why Metal's here then."

* * *

The coffee tasted like it should’ve been disgusting. It was bitter and earthy but at the same time sweat and calming. It seemed to warm him from the inside out, he smiled a little.

“Hey! That’s new!” Amy giggled, Sonic eyed her awkwardly. Smiling felt weird, like he couldn’t control his face, he tried to stop, setting the coffee back down. Realising the difference in temperature now that he no longer held the cup of warm liquid, he hugged himself tightly again.

Her story had been very informative, and things slowly started the piece together in his mind the more she spoke. He remembered seeing her being carted away by that creepy metal version of himself and being so angry. Angry that this Eggma-

_Robotnik._

Angry that Robotnik had felt so entitled to the world. To take things like...like...

_Fuck._

Remembering was hard. It was painful. Everything hidden memory he uncovered made him feel like such a mindless idiot for forgetting. One of the shrinks had told him this- that when memories came back, it wasn't exactly gradual, it was whole chunks at a time. It could be so exhausting. He sat back and closed his eyes, shivering a little from the cold the he seemed to feel constantly

“I’m gonna text Tails and tell him to bring you a hoodie, they really should have better heating in a place for sick people,” Amy laughed, wacking out her phone. The wording felt like a punch in the gut. Sick people. Was he sick? Mentally deranged? That’s not what she meant, at all, he needed to stop overthinking these things, but it still made him uncomfortable. And he was sick, he was more aware of this than anyone, but something felt so dirty about it. Like being sick and needing help was a bad thing- it wasn't quite that simple, the feeling was unique and he couldn't put his finger on it.

There was a knock at the door, and a nurse walked in holding a tray. “Breakfast time!” She sang, resting it on the table beside him. He eyed the food cautiously. It was more than he’d seen in a long time, he knew they were going to keep doing that. Every day he ate seemingly successfully they’d gave him even more the next day, was it worth it? He looked up at her hopelessly, she was a regular, a kind elderly possum who he'd learned had worked here for over 20 years. "Just try your best, love. You're doing really well!" she winked at Amy playfully as she left the room.

Sonic hated the way she spoke, so condescending and lacking any faith. Damn. Why was he so annoyed at everything all of a sudden. What was wrong with him?

_Is that really even a question?_

Amy quickly pulled him, out of his rut, raising an eyebrow at the sight of the sloppy looking pancakes, "Looks...good?"

Sonic sighed loudly, prodding the plate resentfully.

“When you’re free I’m making you some proper pancakes, okay? Not this processed microwaved hospital garbage!” she said, trying desperately to make light of the apparent situation.

“S'not that,” he protested in a quiet voice, as he flicked the tab of the small syrup package without actually opening it.

Amy frowned, it was concerning to see him not excited about food or wolfing things down in seconds. Not just for his health, but it was clear it'd be harder to get the Sonic they all know and loved back if things that usually brought him such joy became not just a chore, but a difficult one. “What’s up?” she asked eventually, maybe talking him through it would help.

“Nothing.” he replied, cutting one of the pancakes up into tiny bites that he didn't even touch.

“Is it hard to eat?”

Sonic shrugged, giving in and shoving the plate away, “I guess.”

“Why? What’s making it hard for you?”

"Just don't like it. It's too much."

**_That's not the reason and you know it._ **

"Too much? Sonic, that's a baby portion!" Why did she sound so judgmental? Why was he so upset?

"Amy, I don't want to talk to you about this." he said sternly, dealing her a sharp look that seemed to come out of nowhere, surprising even himself. He suddenly flinched at his own raised voice, as if it hurt or it didn't feel like his own.

Something forced him to catch sight of the needle stuck in his hands again- there was only one left that gave him medicine occasionally, but it was accompanied by small scabs of the ghosts of ones that had they'd kept him alive when he struggled even harder. He was struggling right now, Needle hadn't left, he was protecting him, making sure his boundaries were respected and he didn't reveal anything that could hurt him.

And questioning his own actions that hurt all of them.

But Needle was just him. They'd established that. They were all just one person- come apart for a while because of the stress and how hard staying alive had been. But he felt it. Had this not happened, and Needle had not made himself known as a whole other being, Sonic would've still replied sternly when someone tapped around with his limits too hard. It just felt different now, colder, more distant.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pressure you." Amy said, clearly feeling bad about her abrasive remarks.

"It's okay. Guess that just means you care," he smiled at her tiredly, she did so back.

He took a deep breath, and gripped the plastic fork like a weapon. _Okay,_ he said to himself, _come on then, Needle, help me out._


End file.
